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Posted 12/11/2008 3:50 AM (GMT 0)
Well ladies and gentlemen, I will no longer have u/c after next week. I am going to have a colectomy on Friday, Dec. 19th. Ahhhhhh. I'm so scared! But in a weird way, I'm also excited. Excited to not take meds anymore, to not suffer embarrassing bathroom breaks, or have to tear myself away from my baby girl to poop all the time! I'm so glad to get off prednisone........FINALLY! I've been on it so long that I'm osteopenic, among other things. AND I'll never have to worry about colon cancer. Or get another colonoscopy, NEVER AGAIN. BUT I am scared too. I'm scared that I won't feel better (b/c it seems too good to be true). I'm really scared I won't make it through the surgery and all day I have this little negative voice that whispers to me things like "Enjoy this while you can, b/c it'll be the last time" or "Of course you won't suffer b/c you don't suffer when you're dead" or just now when I typed the surgery date, "Friday, Dec. 19th is the day they'll mark on your grave stone"-I know, I know, that's silly, but I can't help the way I think. It's so annoying. It's like obsessive. But I know it's dumb and this is the right decision.
I just want the surgery to be over so I can start healing and get home in time for Christmas.
Chassity
Posted 12/11/2008 3:50 AM (GMT 0)
I just read a few other posts and I feel even better about my decision! Any advice? (....except to stop worrying, I really can't help it)
Posted 12/11/2008 4:11 AM (GMT 0)
you WILL feel better! the only way i can describe it is when i woke up i felt CLEAN, i could tell that sickness was gone, gone forever.
Now i did of course have surgery pain, and i wont lie to you and tell you it was all puppy dogs and fluffy clouds, it sucked. but look at it this way, surgery pain goes away, and fairly quickly, but that pain from UC would never ever go away. I even kind of thought of it like childbirth. I had stomach cramps when i had flares with UC that were as bad as labor pains, but i got nothing out of them, but with surgery and childbirth i got a new life with surgery and a baby with the other! both wonderful things.
My son was my major reason for finally having surgery i didn't want to miss his whole life, i had already missed too much, and i had made that baby spend way too much time in the bathroom with me and i wasn't doing it anymore.

It's totally normal for you to feel scared and be afraid of dying during surgery, i mean they tell you you might die when you go for the consultation. I dont know how to tell you not to worry about that, i think it's just something you have to put up with. But i think you should try to concentrate on thigns you will be able to do after surgery, to kind of get your mind off it. I would do that alot, i would think, i will get to eat that salad my husband is eating, i will get to go out and play with my son like my Dad is doing.
And you will be amazed that after surgery you will find little things, everyday (i still do after over a year and half) that make you glad you had surgery. For instance, today i sat here and ate candy until my teeth hurt, something i never could have done pre surgery. And you will love that you can say, i HAD UC, or when i WAS sick, it's some of the greatest things you will ever say! And you will also find that after a while you ttoally forget you have the bag at all. It will be hard to belive at first, and you may even see it for the first time and think OMG what did i do??? I did, because fair warning, the stuff that comes out is this nasty green stuff, that smells like death warmed over. BUT, before you freak out, that goes away after you start eating. I really wish someone had told me that before surgery, lol.
Anyway, i hope i helped you feel a little better, i tend to ramble and soemtimes i wonder if anything i say makes any sense, lol.
good luck and if you have any more questions ask away!
Posted 12/11/2008 5:53 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for the words of wisdom Summerstorm. I'm glad I'm doing this. Especially today. I'm having a bad u/c day AGAIN. I'm not worried about the pain though, I've been through labor and NOTHING can compare to that! (LOL)
Posted 12/11/2008 7:50 PM (GMT 0)
Chassity - welcome to the forum! It sounds like you don't have long to wait. I had mine on September 22 but I had complications a couple of days afterwards and ended up with a temporary ileostomy which will be reversed on Monday, the 15th. My situation was rare, so we really don't need to go into that. I just wanted to say that you will be fine and try not to worry too much. I know easier said than done, right? Even with my complications I am glad I had it done and I would do it all over again! You will be so glad you had this done and you should be home in time to celebrate Christmas with your family.

I should be home by the time you go in but I will keep checking the forum for updates from you to see how you are doing when you get out.

I wish you the best of luck!!!

Let me know if you have any questions. I would be happy to help!
Posted 12/12/2008 12:06 AM (GMT 0)
I remember having the feeling that the way people were saying I would feel after the surgery was to good to be true. After living with UC sense I was 3 and all the pain that we all know about. I didn't really believe that this would help at all when nothing else really did. But it all came down to having the surgery or death for me when I was 12. And as far back as I can remember I was in pain and all I remember is waking up from the surgery and I felt AMAZING. Even tho I had the obvious pain from the surgery I can't explain in anyway to really say how much better I felt. I guess my best example would be to say the pain killer pump I had was barely used. I did have trouble speaking a little bit when calling my friends and it seemed more like my back hurt then anything from laying in one position to long and it being stiff. I'm almost 20 now (Dec. 21st woot) and I am still living great with no meds or any problems related to UC or the surgery at all. I eat/drink what I want with no problems and man do I love to eat now. I'll be having this for the rest of my life and their are times when I wish I didn't but I quickly remember never sleeping or eating or being able to go to school or go outside and realize that having this surgery really did give me my life back. I know its impossible to fully take away the nervousness from the surgery and I definitely remember how nervous I felt. But it really really has changed the way i've felt for the better and saved my life and you should do your best to think about the positives of after you have this done and you heal up and all the things you will be able to do. And I think someone else said that you start to really appreciate all the little things and its very true. I'm so great full to be able to eat now and I basically eat everything because I never did. I love going outside and just enjoying it weather its freezing or amazingly hot haha. and really the list just keeps going.

Anyways I just want to say good luck with your surgery and I hope you heal up fast and start feeling good soon!
Posted 12/13/2008 2:03 AM (GMT 0)
It's been a long time since I had my surgery, but I still remember it being painful --- surgery painful, NOT Crohn's painful for me. And after a couple of days of feeling crappy, you feel a little better each day. You wouldn't do that if you had UC. So, be positive and I wish you well. Keep us up to date on your progress. YEH ... no more colonoscopies!!!
Posted 12/13/2008 4:49 AM (GMT 0)
Don't be afraid of the post surgical pain. I recall vaguely in a fog when I got to post op the pain was the absolute worst I ever felt. but it was gone very quickly. Morphine does wonders and the button for the pump will be right there for your for those first few days... But you won't need it after a short while :)
Posted 12/13/2008 4:32 PM (GMT 0)
Yes morphine will be your bestest friend, it's a wonderful wonderful thing.

also if you are in pain, get medicine. after a few days they will take you off the morphine and give you somethingelse. And if what they give you isn't helping enough, ask for something else. Also, you may want your dr to write you a script for phenogren (sp?) or zoprhan. Sometimes pain meds can make your tummy feel icky and those will help.
Oh and i don't know if anyone told you this, but have your dr write that you can have Gas-x too, cause you will have some gas afterwards.
Posted 12/17/2008 3:17 PM (GMT 0)
thanks everyone for your encouragement.
But I'm not really afraid of pain, I'm afraid of dying during surgery! But deep down I know that won't happen............I'm just being paranoid and silly.I think it's way worse now that I have my daughter. b/c I wasn't this afraid to have my gall bladder out wheni was 20. and also b/c i know more now. Ignorance is bliss......sometimes. ooooh i just thought og another ? but i'll start a new post.
Posted 12/17/2008 4:40 PM (GMT 0)
Lots of luck with the surgery! Let us know how things went as soon as you're up to it. And, always remember, you're never alone here. I'm sure you'll have a ton of real world questions when you get home, and we'll be happy to answer them all!
Posted 12/17/2008 7:24 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, good luck!! It's just a few days away:)

I never get nervous before surgery, I know I'm weird..., but I did always tell the Doc he BETTER make sure I wake up!!!
Posted 12/18/2008 5:55 AM (GMT 0)
I would say two things. 1. You are not going to die during surgery. Colectomy for UC has a less than 1% mortality rate. So this is an irrational fear that is time-limited (because you'll wake up from surgery and be alive and the fear will be over), which means it is a prime candidate for being medicated out of existence. Which leads me to 2: Get as much Xanax as you can get your hands on legally between now and then, and ask for a shot of Versed as early as they will give it to you in pre-op. It's absolutely astonishing how well Versed shuts off the fear of death.

I'm sure relaxation breathing works for someone out there, but it wasn't me!
Posted 12/18/2008 6:40 AM (GMT 0)

Versed is the drug that they give me whenever I have to have an EGD because I go into panic/fear mode as soon as they hook me up to the IV.  I am not afraid of the needle, I know the EGD is not painful, I know all that stuff.  I just get weepy and cry and behave like an idiot!  I guess it just brings back a lot of memories of having multiple surgeries, etc.  I don't know.   I have to admit that my DH and I call it the "Stupid Drug".  As I am recovering, I ask questions.  And I can ask the SAME question 10 times, get the same answer 10 times, and still Not Remember anything I asked or was answered.  Love the drug for what it's used for, works wonderfully, but I just get so Stupid with it!!!   Only lasts a day, thank goodness!!!  And, NO, it isn't just a blonde thing! 

Xanax also works well for the pre procedure jitters too.  I've been taking a very low dose about every night before bed ever since my DH's ALS diagnoses to help to shut down my brain so I can get a decent night's rest.  It really does help me with no side effects in the morning that I can tell.  Obviously it doesn't always "keep" me asleep throughout the whole night or I wouldn't be back up at 1:30a.m. checking this forum!

Posted 12/18/2008 7:49 AM (GMT 0)
Oh yes, those lovely drugs they give you! those are so nice, lol. I always said that the only reason i liked the hospital was because of the warm blankets and the drugs, lol.
When i had to have a pic line for the first time i freaked out so much that they gave me valium to calm me down, it was the only way i could do it. It was so dumb, i knew it wasn't going to hurt, i just thought it was the grossest thing ever.
Posted 12/19/2008 1:04 AM (GMT 0)
The first time I went in the OR.. I said to my surgeon. "gee, this isn't what it looks like on TV"..... about 30 secs later I was in this wonderful dream and that was about it......

The worst part of surgery is the IV stick.. once you get past that all you have to do is relax....
Posted 12/19/2008 2:24 AM (GMT 0)
LOL wade i am glad i am not the only one to say something dumb, i asked if people could see me,and they said what, i said "like that episode of seinfeld with the junior mints" and i passed out to them laughing
Posted 12/19/2008 3:16 AM (GMT 0)
When you're wheeled (conscious) into an operating room, it's indeed one of those life-changing moments. You look around and see some orderly with some towels, and the Anesthesiologist.. your surgeon. Nurses, and whoever else is in there.. I looked up at the clock and it's about the last thing I remember.. LOL and I wasn't trying to be funny. but I suppose it was. Afterwords, now that it's all over. I can look back at that night I had surgery and I know it changed my personalty . A lot of minor irritations just don't bother me anymore. Also I didn't have any second thoughts about it. I was literally at the end of my rope with the UC.. I'm glad it's past me and as I wrote before, having a diseased colon out of me took care of other things.. it's like my body has gotten back into it's normal balance..

Chassity I can understand your trepidations.. been there did that.. Surgery was the last thing I wanted.. but for me.. it was the only way to being back to what I was before..
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