in need of support

Hello all:

I am a 28 year old man, with a colostomy. I have had it for about 6 weeks now, and am coping adaquately. Not long ago, my colon perferated from Diverticulitis. Of course, I didn't know this until it was too late, and spent a couple of weeks in the hospital after having a portion of my colon removed (one in ICU with pneumonia and septic blood). Anyhow, I have miraculously recovered nicely, and fortunately will be able to have the ostomy reversed in the future.

I had put myself in a frame of mind that it wouldn't be long before the procedure, and if I chose, I could have it done in a month or so. My surgeon recommends a longer wait, especially after what my body has been through...I agree.

So, my wife is due with our first child (a son) in January. I refuse to have any procedure done to myself close to her due date, so after discussion with my surgeon and wife, I have decided to wait until sometime next year to have it done.

I know that I am fortunate to have the opportunity to reverse it, but I can't stop feeling sorry for myself. I know that the decision I have made is, in essence, the first sacrifice I have made as a father, and anything that will protect my wife and son is what I want.

Maybe I just need someone from here (or anywhere, for that matter) to tell me what a selfish ass I am being about this, and to shut up. After all, I am lucky to have even lived through my illness. I am seeing a counselor weekly, but I feel that even they don't completely understand what I am going through.

My question to you: Were the first days the hardest days? And, what advice can you give to ease my mind?  Thanks to you for taking the time to read this. I already feel better having taken the time to type it out.

Sorry to hear you got a bag ! At least you will be able to get rid of it down the road. I had an ileostmy for 6 months, the only thing that cheered me up was the day they set the reversal date !! It could always be worse. Best of luck !

 Hello hatfieldsbrother, i have crohn's and had the ileostomy for 10 years now and i am sorry you feel sorry for youself i did when they told me that it was there for life you will stop feeling sorry for you self from getting support from family and friends and i am sure your wife helps you a lot..... i am 28 years old and sometimes i still feel bad for myself but i look at it this way i am still alive and can help other people that have crohn's or the ileostomy because i went threw it so any time you need some one to complain to or just need someone to talk to you  are more then welcome to my email me anytime [email protected]

My hubby Ralph, age 64 as am I,  just had his colostomy on 9/10 after going to emergency on 9/5 with severe left side pain.  He had diverticulitis of the sigmoid colon with perforation (after the 2nd CT scan on 9/10, the surgeon decided he was getting worse with a large infected area and removed 10 inches or so of his sigmoid and because the infection was so great opted to do a colostomy.  We are dealing with this together and so far we're doing okay.  We have a process going that works well for us and so far he has not emptied his pouch by himself.  Since we are both retired this works for us and I want to be there for him.  He's using the Hollister CenterPointLock drainage pouch and since it attaches like Tupperware we've had to leakage problem so far.  We will probably just stay with this brand/type as it works so well.  We use one of the triangular graduates to empty into (I add some soap in the bottom) to keep from making a splashy mess as he can't stoop down as yet.  I use a spray bottle and clean out the inside of the pouch in this manner, sometimes squirting and cleaning 2-3 times.  We then use Pam spray inside the bag after the cleanup.  We tried the new Adapt deodorizer/lubricant but it did nothing but make it sticky so went back to using Pam.  We wish everyone well on this board.

Jan & Ralph in beautiful TN