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Posted 4/28/2010 3:17 AM (GMT 0)
My darling comitted suicide 4 weeks ago. I haven't slept in a month.  I';m very worried about my son. My darling used one of my son's guns to kill himslef. I am very worried about him. He feels so guilty.
Posted 4/28/2010 10:01 AM (GMT 0)
(((BIG HUG))) I think it would be good idea to make an appointment to see a therapist, who can help you both get through this and also prescribe some medicine that will help.
Posted 4/28/2010 10:22 AM (GMT 0)

flchurchlady said...
(((BIG HUG))) I think it would be good idea to make an appointment to see a therapist, who can help you both get through this and also prescribe some medicine that will help.

You are so right.  I went to the doctor yesterday because I haven't been feeling well.  He said I might have shingles.   I'm pretty sure it's just nerves.  This forum has been such  a comfort to me.  I just wish I could sleep.  He won't prescribe sleeping pills to me. I'm exhausted, and everwhere I look , everywhere I turn ,  reminds me of my sweetheart.. I loved him so much.I have friends that have been married and divorced.  I have been incredibly in love with the same man for almost 30 years.  

Post Edited (vette guy) : 4/28/2010 5:07:46 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/28/2010 11:16 AM (GMT 0)
Kathy~I agree with Cecilia about an appointment with a Therapist...your doctor should be able to recommend one who specializes in your situation.

Have you found a support group in your area? They may have recommendations, too.

(((HUG))) to you and your son.
Posted 4/28/2010 1:46 PM (GMT 0)
i agree that a support group or a therapist is probably a good idea also.

Hugs to both of you
Posted 4/28/2010 4:55 PM (GMT 0)
It saddens me to hear that. I am sorry for both of your losses.

For when I have been very depressed I learned to cope by doing something I found enjoyable in a previous time. For me this was taking a ceramics class. I would go once a week and I was able to escape for two and half hours. I was surrounded by people I felt inspiring. This later led to me signing up for another class as well as a letterpress class. I had to do something for myself. I also went to therapy, but it wasn't enough for me. I think you two should try both.

Good luck.
Posted 4/28/2010 7:44 PM (GMT 0)
Kathy,   Gosh I am so sorry, here is my arms wrapping around you and your son.  Stress causes shingles I know I had them...not fun.  Your son is sure taking a lot on his shoulders as he did not do this to his father, granted it was his gun but in no way is he responsible.

It is called survivor's guilt... he feels if he did not have that gun his father would still be here.  That is so not true and he really needs to talk to a professional about this because it can eat him up alive, plus it puts extra stress on you that you do not need.  We all want do-overs when it comes to tragic deaths....all the what if's will drive you crazy.  I know I did it and trust me it did not help, it just made me realize that no matter what I or you could have said or done that would have changed the out-come...  He needs to try to understand that we as people are all responsible for our own actions, he in no way "your son" did anything to make his dad take his own life, please just keep re-affirming to him that he is not responsible.

No one can handle that kind of pressure.  I am just so praying for both of you that you come out of this whole situation with stregth, health, and healing....bless you...

Leslie

Posted 4/28/2010 9:52 PM (GMT 0)
My son just came back from the pharmacy for me.  He surprised me with 6 white roses.  I love white roses.  In all the years I was married, my darling gave me flowers every Friday.  I don't think he ever missed a week. My life was a ttue love story.  Please do me a favor.....hug your loved ones today....and say it's from "Vette Lady!
Posted 4/28/2010 9:58 PM (GMT 0)
Kathy, how cool what a good son...and will do and always do the hugging and telling them how much I love them all the time...

That just made your day....

Leslie
Posted 4/28/2010 10:08 PM (GMT 0)

honestwoman50 said...
Kathy, how cool what a good son...and will do and always do the hugging and telling them how much I love them all the time...

That just made your day....

Leslie

Thank you so much Leslie.  My son is over 6 feet tall and is 230 pounds of pure muscle.  But, like his dad,  he is as gentle as a lamb. 

Posted 4/30/2010 1:12 AM (GMT 0)
Kathy,  You know the bigger they are the softer the heart..my son is 6'5 and acts all tough and strong in a good way.  But he has the biggest heart, and the most tender of hearts, under the big guy you see.   He is basically a plie of mush...and always tells me how much he loves me everytime we see each other.  But my daughter is 3 inches shorter than he and she is just about the same...  Great Kids....   I am so happy your son got you flowers....that made me cry.....  You guys will  be ok, just have to give it time...

Leslie

Posted 4/30/2010 1:51 AM (GMT 0)

honestwoman50 said...
Kathy,  You know the bigger they are the softer the heart..my son is 6'5 and acts all tough and strong in a good way.  But he has the biggest heart, and the most tender of hearts, under the big guy you see.   He is basically a plie of mush...and always tells me how much he loves me everytime we see each other.  But my daughter is 3 inches shorter than he and she is just about the same...  Great Kids....   I am so happy your son got you flowers....that made me cry.....  You guys will  be ok, just have to give it time...

Leslie

Leslie,  Our sons seem very much alike. God bless them. Just like his dad, he hugs me every day.  Mike was over 6 feet tall.  We have a work out room in our home, which he used every day. . But, he was the most gentle man. My darling was perfect.  

Post Edited (vette guy) : 4/30/2010 4:41:38 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/30/2010 10:57 AM (GMT 0)

vette guy said...

honestwoman50 said...
Kathy,  You know the bigger they are the softer the heart..my son is 6'5 and acts all tough and strong in a good way.  But he has the biggest heart, and the most tender of hearts, under the big guy you see.   He is basically a plie of mush...and always tells me how much he loves me everytime we see each other.  But my daughter is 3 inches shorter than he and she is just about the same...  Great Kids....   I am so happy your son got you flowers....that made me cry.....  You guys will  be ok, just have to give it time...

Leslie

Leslie,  Our sons seem very much alike. God bless them. Just like his dad, he hugs me every day.  Mike was over 6 feet tall.  We have a work out room in our home, which he used every day. . But, he was the most gentle man. My darling was perfect, and my love for him is perfect.

Posted 5/4/2010 1:42 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the advice everyone. Both Michael  and I met with a therapist yesterday and it was a big help. 
Posted 5/4/2010 5:46 PM (GMT 0)
vette guy  So happy your reaching out...good for you.  Next month on June 27th is the day my son died 10 years ago so I am going to get everyone together and meet at the cross that we put up at the crash site, to let a ton of balloons with messages on them, and then have dinner and chat about how funny and kind and such a tender loving soul he had, and just share stories of Luke...  so I always have to think happy thoughts this time of the year....

Prayers for you both....

Leslie

Posted 5/4/2010 9:20 PM (GMT 0)

honestwoman50 said...
vette guy  So happy your reaching out...good for you.  Next month on June 27th is the day my son died 10 years ago so I am going to get everyone together and meet at the cross that we put up at the crash site, to let a ton of balloons with messages on them, and then have dinner and chat about how funny and kind and such a tender loving soul he had, and just share stories of Luke...  so I always have to think happy thoughts this time of the year....

Prayers for you both....

Leslie

Leslie,

 

I wish you lived near me.  You seem like a wonderful mother.  I'm crying as I type this, but no parents should  outlive their children. .  I'm sure Luke was a wonderful young man. God bless him.  Sometimes life isn't fair!!!!

Posted 5/5/2010 2:48 AM (GMT 0)
vette guy  Thanks so much, no life is not fair a lot of the time.  He was a wonderful son and he is sorely missed...hope you are doing better.  Getting through all this is a journy and a test of strength, but I know that it is all in God's plan, but sometimes I wonder why????  Just like you...why?  It's a bummer....ya wish we all lived close so we could get together it woud be a hoot...

My heart goes out to you and your son...be well and lean on each other, and you will make it through..

Leslie

Posted 5/6/2010 3:11 PM (GMT 0)
Well it turns out I don't have shingles.  I just came back from the nuerologist and he;s pretty sure I'm in the early stages of MS. I have to undergo a bunch of tests over the next few weeks,  and stay home from work for another month.  My life is terrible right now.
Posted 5/6/2010 10:05 PM (GMT 0)
vette guy
So are they going to do a MRI and Cat Scan to tell for sure, I just went through my doc thinking I had it but he says no...so good luck..thats all you need right now.

But if you do have it then your older right?  When you get it when your older they can give you meds and it will not affect you like someone who gets it when they are young..

Leslie

Posted 5/6/2010 10:43 PM (GMT 0)

honestwoman50 said...
vette guy
So are they going to do a MRI and Cat Scan to tell for sure, I just went through my doc thinking I had it but he says no...so good luck..thats all you need right now.

But if you do have it then your older right?  When you get it when your older they can give you meds and it will not affect you like someone who gets it when they are young..

Leslie

I have an MRI on the 11th of this month and a glucose test on the 17th because they also want to test me for diabetes.  I'm 48 years old. Leslie, you are such a good person. We have so much in common.

Leslie, I'm in so much pain, both emotionally and physically.  I miss my husband so much, I can't stand it. Right now I'm watching a movie alone.  I feel so alone.  My emotional pain is awful.  The things we take for granted .  I had a wonderful life for a long time , and it will never be the same again.

Post Edited (vette guy) : 5/6/2010 9:31:52 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/8/2010 12:44 AM (GMT 0)
I feel so bad for you, its hard to lose someone you love.  Most people that have not gone through a loss have no idea what some go through, they dont know what to say to you or they avoid you because they don't want to bring the subject up, and keep reminding us . of our loss....

So keep your memories close to you heart and you will never be apart.  It just takes time but you have to feel your feelings and dont keep them in....love to you both..

Leslie

Posted 5/8/2010 2:47 AM (GMT 0)
(((HUG)))
Posted 5/8/2010 5:50 PM (GMT 0)
I have such admiration for all of you.  Though, my husband had an ostomy for 21 years, I can't pretend to imagine what it's like to have one.  He NEVER complained about it.  But, then again, he rarely complained about anything.  In the short time I've been on this site,  it's obvious how loving and caring you all are.  Thank you all for supporting me these last weeks.

Kathy

 

Post Edited (vette guy) : 5/8/2010 11:57:24 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/9/2010 1:18 AM (GMT 0)
Kathy,

My prayers are with you and your son. I hope you are sleeping now. Being sleep deprived on top of everything else is the worst. It's not good to take pills to sleep but sometimes it is necessary. No sleep can weaken the body and the sole. WHat was said about God's plan I have heard before. I am sure wondering how I and the serious gut injury (result of what turned out to be an unneeded surgery in the first place) that lead me to become an ostomate fit into His plan. To me there is no logic and I am soooo saddened yet glad to be alive and well for now and even able to travel to wonderful places. I am working to see the positive.

I cannot imagine how your tragedy fits into His plan. But I send you peace and prayers. Sincerely, Rosemary
Posted 5/9/2010 3:37 AM (GMT 0)

esoR said...
Kathy,

My prayers are with you and your son. I hope you are sleeping now. Being sleep deprived on top of everything else is the worst. It's not good to take pills to sleep but sometimes it is necessary. No sleep can weaken the body and the sole. WHat was said about God's plan I have heard before. I am sure wondering how I and the serious gut injury (result of what turned out to be an unneeded surgery in the first place) that lead me to become an ostomate fit into His plan. To me there is no logic and I am soooo saddened yet glad to be alive and well for now and even able to travel to wonderful places. I am working to see the positive.

I cannot imagine how your tragedy fits into His plan. But I send you peace and prayers. Sincerely, Rosemary

Rosemary,

Thanks for the post.  It's funny, other than work I rarely used the computor until I found this forum.  I don't buy into "God' plan" anymore either.  I'm still trying to figure things out. 

I still don't sleep though. I've been in my pajamas all day.  But, today was a better day.  I spent the day going through old photos.

I hope there are new ostomates reading this.  My husband was in sales and sales management.  When he had a very good year he would achieve what they called President's Club.  It was always a trip or a cruise to a very nice place.   I was crying in laughter when I was looking at a photo of Mike doing the hula . 

But, this is the point I want to make.  I've been reading these posts and my heart goes out to all of you.  My husband dealt with the same issues.  But, eventually he figured it out. His ostomy was new to him 21 years ago but he figured it out.  Give it time.  With his ostomy there wasn't a single thing my husband couldn't do!  As much as I want to be mad at him,  I am so incredibly proud of him. He is and will always be my lover and my hero.  I'm sorry for rambling, my darlings. 

Post Edited (vette guy) : 5/9/2010 1:48:40 AM (GMT-6)

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