HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Total Colectomy Part 37

Support Forums
>
Ostomies
✚ New Topic locked
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 10/1/2010 1:05 AM (GMT 0)
Hi girls, just checkin in and letting you all know i am still around. I have been having a very difficult time with this whole parole crap. I am in the process of getting a no contact order and going through counseling. Maybe one day I can forget all this mess and move on with my life. As I see it now there is just no possibility of that. All I keep seeing in my head is my brother lying in that shallow grave. So helpless looking. Just so depressed right now but am trying to snap out of it, if that is possible.
Posted 10/1/2010 1:17 AM (GMT 0)
Marisa

Oh hunny, I know exactly what your going through.  You need to replace all that negative thinking and images out of your head and replace it with only the happy memories you have of your brother.  Or it will take over your whole life, and will make you sicker than you already are.  I went for years hateing the guy who killed my son at such a young age of 18, and all the waste of life, he never was able to get married and have children.

Really it will reek havic on your body hun, so please let Jesus help you find your way.  I had to forgive him and move on, and I am not too sure that I really forgive him but he no longer rules my every waking thought, and I will not let him destroy my life, I let it go for far too long as it was.

So I know that it is so hard to do, but you will have to get him out of your mind and let your happy memories take over...he got a slap on the wrist just like the guy that killed my son, 8 years was not long enough.  He lives in the same sm town as I do and I have seen him from time to time and just don't acknowledge his exhistance. 

But the first time I saw him he did not recognize me cuz I have lost so much weight, so I introduced myself to him as Luke's momma, and he just put his head down, so I said what I need to say, then put it in the past.

So I am praying that you too will find the peace you deserve...

Love Leslie

Posted 10/1/2010 1:18 AM (GMT 0)
oh marisa,

I think some things we can't get over, we need to just move ahead in spite of them. good luck with the restraining order. I would think that would be an automatic part of them letting that murderer go. As I typed that I am thinking what the h--- kind of logic are they using letting him go? There is plenty of law and no justice. He will likely just go do it again and some other family will suffer as yours has. There is no rhyme or reason for this. Just as with my original surgeons, they get suit after suit for maiming and killing and nothing is ever done to make them stop nor likely ever will. They'll retire fat rich happy cats with no conscience. This is why I'm traveling so much, I just get way too depressed at home, but I realize not eveyone can get away so much and I will have to slow down my spending in another year, but while the going is good I'm going. Maybe after your business with this is settled you could just get away for a weekend or a week. Just a change of scene. Won't cure anything, but won't hurt. You have all my empathy and sympathy. Rosemary
Posted 10/1/2010 1:28 AM (GMT 0)
Leslie,

You're right. Each of the villians in our lives seem to get so much of our attention (logically so) but you're right, we waste the good and the positive. I am working on that every day. I don't have forgiveness in my heart for the killers of either of your loved ones or of my original surgeons who maime and kill daily and bring in big bucks for their hospital, but I totally get that if we give these people our attention we are not fully living. Then we are giving them our souls. So, we can think of it that they took what should not have been taken, but they can't have our souls? (I'm still struggling with this too.) Had mine just been bad outcome of a needed surgery it would be different, But as it was unneeded, done wrong, and not followed up on with me just left to die, that's hard to swallow as are your cases. I guess I need to fully focus on the doc who rose above all the political crap and saved my life the best that could be done, then all the good I've done since. I am doing all this travel because right now I'm able and I don't want to waste a minute, but in a way I'm running from my trauma and can't run forever (I'll run out of living money), so I gotta make peace somehow. I also gotta get that fear of adhesion reobstruction out of my mind or at least to the back of it so I can fully live each day. I can while I travel but not when I'm home. But, so far so good. I think by worrying I feel that I am controlling it. Like if I worry about reobstruction it won't happen. BUT what is going to happen is going to happen. I'm not in control worry or not. So, I have issues with the letting go thing. How are you doing it? I can learn from you?

Rosemary
Posted 10/1/2010 3:10 AM (GMT 0)
Rosemary  I am fine, just awaiting the results of my MRI should get it sometime next week.  What was done to you is a hard pill to swallow, surgery that you did not need that almost cost you your life, now that's a hard one.

Your right you can't run forever, besides it goes wherever you go.  I always try to think of people who are less fortunate than I.  I have no money just my SSD which is 645 a month, so I barely make it.  I live in a older mobile home, but I am thankful for a roof over my head, and the love and support of my family.

I don't know that anyone can learn from me but ya just got to dig deep within and just say to yourself, I deserve to live life to the fullest, well as full as our bodies will let us.  But when you feel good, go and do what makes you happy because too many of us have spent endless days and hrs just suffering and that gets old.  So on my good days I am out of the house but lately cuz of the Depakote it keeps me sleepy all day.  I have been asleep most of the day off and on and I am supposta take this for at least 3 more weeks....yikes.

Hope you all have a great evening..

Leslie

Posted 10/1/2010 3:19 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Leslie,

Of course we can learn from you. You are rich in a different way; you have family. I lack family and that is tough. I'm out there on my own, but have other things to be thankful for. finished packing two bags of ostomy supplies for trip and going to bed. Tomorrow I get to pack some fun stuff like clothes. I do fully appreciate being alive and as well as I am and the travel, for without that one surgeon, I would have died 3 years ago. I think my frustration is that I fell into such a thing in the first place and I'd always taken such good care of myself. ANd now even with what looks to be a successful suit and complaints that were taken seriously by the state medical board, I am powerless to protect others from these 2 original surgeons. I can't pass my knowledge on for the greater good so to speak and have it save others from them. So more victims will fall. There's already a 12th suit in progress and on they operate unphased, no conscience. I think I'm searching for logic in order to get closure and there isn't any, so I have to let go. Rosemary
Posted 10/1/2010 3:45 AM (GMT 0)
Rosemary  OMG, that too many people...have to do something to get them to not beable to operate on anyone again.  What state did that take place in I cant remember?  Guess I will have to talk to a friend of mine and see if there is any avenue to get their license taken away.  With the sheer amount of law suits alone should make the board take notice...

Well I wish you peace my dear and I am so sorry that you don't have family.  But ya got me and us and we will always be here for you.

Love to you

Leslie

Posted 10/1/2010 10:24 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Leslie,

It is in Massachusetts. Everything gets recorded by the board, but nothing gets DONE! So frustrating to want to save others and not have any umbrella agency that takes action. Rosemary
Posted 10/4/2010 4:38 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Ladies,

 

Hope you all enjoyed the weekend! I wanted to give you all an update on Lizzie. Please, please, please keep her in your prayers. The leaking is out of control- she is having to change the entire appliance two, sometimes three, times a day. Her stoma and skin are very irritated and painful from the constant leaks and trauma of having to change the appliance so often. She has tried everything she can to fill the old scar (the site where her first ileostomy was) and get the wafer to stick, but it just isn't working, and all of the ideas the stoma nurses had have been exhausted. As you can imagine, this is taking quite a toll emotionally as well. She cannot leave the house for fear of when and where a leak will occur.

 

Pray that she is able to speak directly with Dr. Stocchi (her surgeon) today. He is a very reasonable man; pray that he would understand the effect this is having, and agree to move her stoma to the left side much earlier than February. All she wants is to be able to live her life.  

 

On top of that, she also came down with the flu. Aches, chills, cough, no strength, feeling like she was hit by a Mack truck. We have all been there, and the timing couldn't be worse for her. Pray that flu bug would be on its way out soon!

 

Much love to you all! I have some serious catching up to do on here...hopefully that will happen soon. HW reading is much more fun than textbook reading!

 

Sarah, as always, praying so much for you. Any news or updates?

 

Allie

Posted 10/4/2010 5:00 PM (GMT 0)
Wow Allie, Yeah, hope doctor Stocchi will do the stoma move a LOT sooner than Feb. Actually when a stoma is made, it is standard that when they make it they take into account old scars, abdominal indents, and so on in the first place. I suppose there was so much going on that they may not have even thought of it, but gee! Praying for her and everyone else. Thanks for update. Rosemary
Posted 10/4/2010 8:30 PM (GMT 0)
prayers for Lizzie!!!!! love and hugs!!!
Posted 10/4/2010 9:48 PM (GMT 0)
Oh Lordy,

I am coming down with some head-throat-chest virus just hit today out of the blue. So far stomach is OK and Praying it stays that way. I did get my flu shot over 3 weeks ago, but there is a TON of other stuff going around where I live. I have been keeping out of busy places in an attempt to not catch anything, but guess I am anyway. I only have 7 days to shake this before I leave for Africa. But, time will tell. Wish me luck. And yes, definitely prayers for Lizzie.

Rosemary
Posted 10/4/2010 10:44 PM (GMT 0)
oh no Rosemary.... you can't be sick now! praying you snap out of it fast!

i have a question to all, ever since the ileo op i've been having mucous from my vagina, something i don't normally have. one more thing is i sometimes also have a very very weeny tiny bit of gas coming out of my vagina. it doesn't happen alot, only maybe once in 2-3 days, and again, very little. has any of you ever experienced something like this? does anyone have a slight idea what it could be? could it be a fistula? i don't feel any pain or discomfort in my pelvic/vagina. will appretiate any peace of info, thanks!
Posted 10/4/2010 11:02 PM (GMT 0)
WOW hodaya, I would ask my doc about this if I were you. COuld be nothing, but ask anyway just for peace of mind. Thanks for well wishes. I hope I snap out of this fast too. Rosemary
Posted 10/4/2010 11:12 PM (GMT 0)
thanks so much for your quick reply sweet Rosemary!! tomorrow i have an appt to a gyn, i hope she can help. do you think i should also ask my surgoen?

feel better hon (((HUGS)))
Posted 10/4/2010 11:21 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, Hodaya, ask them both. A certain amount of vaginal secretions is normal, but if yours is abnormal and you have the gas coming out of the vagina, trapped air can be normal if just a bit, but only she could tell. A small bowel may be adhered to the vagina with a fistula, then again not. Glad I could put in my 2 cents to ask both docs. Rosemary
Posted 10/5/2010 12:24 AM (GMT 0)
Hodaya, hmmm, I am also experiencing some annoying excess vaginal excretions and also some vaginal irritation???? It also sometimes has a smell to it....almost like what comes out of my bag. YIKES....this is the 2nd time I have noticed this and both times was after I used an enema to attempt to rid myself of the rectal mucous....what is ironic is very little mucous comes out with the enema water....SO, I assume it is stuck in there. I see my doctor next week, so I will ask him about this. I am also going to have him check to see if I have a parastomal hernia. Hoping not, but it sure looks like I do.

I still feel wonderful though and never want to go back to the way it was pre-stoma days. NO WAY! I have so much more energy, walk 2 to 3 miles everyday, eat a variety of foods that don't leave me bloated, nauseas, and in agony. My days of living on the toilet are over. YIPPEE And I am still smokefree, which is a struggle, but I am fighting it everyday. UGH

My output has thickened up to the consistency of pudding and I like that. I still need to take water everywhere I go though.

Rosemary, hoping you get well soon and I hope it is not the ole nasty flu. I will call you this weekend.

Hodaya, call me this weekend if you have time.
Posted 10/5/2010 1:54 AM (GMT 0)
Allie,  so nice of you to keep everyone up-dated on Lizzie.  That poor girl has been through enough and Feb...is unacceptable, she cannot wait that long.  What in the heck is her doctor thinking...she needs to find one that will help her.  Please tell her that we are all praying for her.

 

I can't believe that some doc's just dont care, awww you can wait...what the heck I will tell ya what if it was them in her position they would not stand for it.

 

Love to all

 

Leslie

Posted 10/5/2010 2:29 AM (GMT 0)
Rosemary,  Well girl ya the crud is going around ...I got it on the first of last month and had it for 8 days..Hope it is just a hit and run for you...  Hummm Africa, hugh?  You going to get down with the natives?  Wow, you have just been everywhere haven't ya..  Your a dancer right?  You know me and my memory, I don't have one.

Hodaya,  wow you va JJ is turning on you?  I think that they call that ***** farts in the US...LOL...giving you heck right now.  I would not think that is anything serious but ask your doc, I always like to be cautious about anything new.

I ate a peach that was not quite ripe last night, gave me heck all night and day, just like a big cramp in my left  side of my intestine and it was burning like heck...so I am not going to do that again.

Had my first taco salad tonight, about a fourth of one, so let ya know if I live through this one or not...

Love to all

Leslie

Posted 10/5/2010 4:08 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Leslie,

Yes I am the one who ballroom dances on cruise ships. Did you have any stomach issues with your flu? or did you just feel cruddy otherwise. I have 7 days to kick it off. Did you take anything or let it run its course?

Tracy, OK call me this weekend. I HAD my flu shot so what the h----is this? Do you get the flu anyway, I don't get some of this flu shot stuff. I got the shot a month ago; you would think I would have had my immunities by now.

Yeah, even though I can hardly stand the thoughts of Lizzie having yet another surgery, sounds like she really needs it. What the h--- will she do if she cannot get the appliance to stay on due to her skin burning off. No wait until February; that can't be done. Lahey would take her in much sooner. But she is likely by now too weak to even think of all that transport to the east. What is with CC? They are supposed to be the "gut center" of the country next to Mayo (who said I had a PEG tube for nutrition when I did not.) Gee!

Rosemary
Posted 10/5/2010 7:56 AM (GMT 0)
Tracy, missed you.... you should also have this issue checked, esp if it smells that bad, that doesn't sound good to me. when i do an enema, the bit of mucous that comes out from my rectum is really smelly, but my vaginal secretions don't smell at all.. so i don't know, but why the gas?? make an appt to a gyn too, i think you really should. i'm seeing one today, so will let y'all know what she sais. the secretions were very excesive since the ileo op, but this past week it's been all of the sudden less, so maybe it can sort it self out on it's own..? will ask the surgeon too. so so sorry about the hernia hon :( does it hurt all the time? did you get that belt for hernias yet? does it help you? i hope so.

me too! i feel SO great since the ileo op, i love it! so glad to hear how well you're doing too :)))) isn't it like a dream come true - not to be constipated any more???? it's something i almost stopped believing will ever go away.... and now, it's truly a miracle to me! pudding consistency souds perfect to me.

um, about the smoking, i've been smoking more lately, can't shake this nasty habbit off of me. i don't know how you do it, but good for you for not caving in! i admire you for that!! is Sunday eve (Sunday morning for you) ok if i called? i'd love to talk to you again :))))

Rosemary thanks again so much! will let you know what both drs say. i just so hope it's nothing major, cause i so hate the idea of needing more tests..... UGH!!!!!!!!!

Leslie, hope you're recovered from that peach, be careful with rough foods, esp fresh fruits and vegies, they are too hard on our system.
✚ New Topic locked
12345678910