College student- desperately need advice! Please!

RiddleMeThis
I have never been in your situation but here are my thoughts. Your health must come first. I know if you do not attend college you will feel that you have lost a year of your life. The stress of dorm living in your situation might even make you worse. Do you really think you could apply yourself to your studies with your health problems on your mind? You will always be thinking about your health. You might not gain anything from your studies and worsen your health. A year wasted. Possibly no gain from colllege and no gain on your health. One thing at a time.....your health comes first. Be ready for next year.

Dan

I have daughters who are either college grads or one is a junior in college. I know how little privacy a dorm offers. That said, occasionally they would have a friend with a single room. Sometimes with their own bathroom. Is there any way you could request a single, ideally with it's own bathroom? Trying to change your appliance in a public bathroom's stall without a sink nearby would be a challenge. Not to mention you wouldn't have a good ledge possibly to put your clean supplies upon (one of my girl's communal bathrooms offered toilets w/o the individual water tank, so you could end up with that type of toilet in your dorm building's restrooms). In some ways I like these types of toilets for my situation since I often have to flush several times and because there's a huge tank reserve somewhere in the building, you're always able to flush and not wait for a tank to refill. But again with that type of set up you wouldn't have a good ledge to place your clean supplies.

I would go visit as many dorms right now since you are on campus. And possibly ask your doctor to write you a letter so you'd qualify for a single with attached bathroom.

If this were possible, I imagine your stress level would greatly be relieved. And if anyone asks you what makes you so special that you require your own room, you don't exactly have to give the full reason why you need it. You wouldn't necessarily have to say you have an ostomy. Just practice a simple one sentence reason why you need your own bathroom. Something lighthearted and simple would suffice.

I'd hate to see you drop out of college though. Even though the job market isn't good for college grads right now, it will be again someday and like I tell my daughters, college can be the best time of your lives (they both agree).

Take care. Wish I could be of more help. I did have an ostomy for 2 months but I was an "old mom", former PTA type that holed up at home and took care of things in my own bathroom. Hardly the same thing you're going thru but the mom in me jumped out when I read your topic. Wish I could give you a hug and tell you this can be worked out. Start with the dorm/dorm building bathroom searches right now, RA's wouldn't mind giving a current student tours.

Good luck in your decisions.

I have some similarities to your situation. I was diagnosed when I 19 and have had 12 abscess surgeries and in May 2009 I got a colostomy. I am also in college though I live in an apartment. I will tell you the few things that have helped me. Taking a semester or two off can really be helpful. When you take away the stress of college and can focus 100% on your health it can do wonders. Remember there is no point to an education if you are in the hospital. I have lived in a dorm though it was before I got my ostomie. No one really noticed that I would run to the bathroom a lot and I don't tell people unless I really get to know them. I have lost a lot of friends as well because they can't handle a friend who is different. If I were you I would take a semester off and try and get better.

I didn't have my ostomy while I was at college, but I was diagnosed with UC in school and had all kinds of problems my first quarter with it. One professor even failed me because I was in the hospital and missed too much classwork. he said being in the hospital wasn't an excuse, cna you believe that! Unfortunately I didn't know about being able to benefit from being registered with the disabilities office or else he wouldn't have been able to do that to me. so definitely do that, do that even if you only take online classes because you never know when you won't be able to get your work done on time.

My recommendation based on my own experience is take a quarter off rather than move there; like others have said not having the stress of school will most likely help you heal. Is there any colleges nearby that you could still take online courses at? or maybe even transfer there? Have you looked into apartments near campus? Many apartments end up being cheaper than staying in a dorm in the the long term.

And I'm so sorry you've lost friends because of this, that blows my mind! Not a single person that I'm friends with treats me any different now that I have an ostomy. In fact had old friends reunite with me because of it! I can't believe someone wouldn't want to be friends with you for that reason, it doesn't change who you are. Big mean dummies! Those people obviously weren't worth their salt and I hope you meet some new good people soon!

Wow! Thank you so much everyone for the feedback! :) I really am glad I found this forum. There's a difference with discussing my situation and ostomies with someone who has never experienced it and with someone who has gone through all of the paces. You all are very helpful! Thank you again! :)

polishdan- You're right. I think I'm concentrating too much on school. I've always been very studious and loved school, that's why I'm so bothered by the idea of taking a semester off. But you make an excellent point. If I try to concentrate on both at the same time, my health and my education, one or both of them is going to suffer.

andorable- Writing down the pros and the cons is an excellent idea! Now that you point it out, my post does sound rather biased doesn't it? :) That should speak for itself, I suppose! I'm not sure if I'm ready for any permanent surgery yet, still a lot of options for me to consider. I'll kep it in the back of my mind though. Thanks!

Marsky- You're so sweet! :) Thank you for the input. My Mother has tried offering me advice as well but as she never had any experiences with dorm living or an ostomy, she has a difficult time seeing all of the intricacies of the situation. Thanks for mentioning the single bathroom and single bedroom, I already have an email out to Residential Life concerning this. The only difficulty I can see is that I don't believe there are any single units in the residence halls on campus. I believe there are single bedrooms, however not single bathrooms attached. We will wait and see though!


suebear- I will definitely have to register with disability services! Thanks for mentioning it! I am looking into getting a private bedroom/bathroom, however I don't believe there are any on my campus. Looking into it though! Thank you! :)


NASCARon- You're absolutely right in regards to the significant others. It's taken me a while to realize that if they don't want me at my worst, they don't deserve me at my best! :) Thank you!


dreamer06- I am starting to realize the benefits of taking a semester off. I can always take a leave of absence from school. I can go back to my education and finish it, but I can't really go back to my health and fix it as well. My health doesn't take a break! It really stinks losing friends over your health. But according to society different = scary. It's not like we're going to make you sick! Oh, well. Thank you! :)


OHIO76- I've never actually met anyone with Crohn's in person other than my self! That's neat that you're able to talk with them! But yes, talking to a disabilities counselor would hopefully help me take a step in the right direction! Unfortunately though, I'm actually very close to graduating and the remaining classes that I need to take to graduate are very specific and only offerred at my current school. Online courses are unfortunately out of the question. But thank you very much! :)


betsaronie- I can't believe a professor failed you! That's ridiculous! I've had very good luck with all of professors in the past, they've all been very helpful. I'm definitely going to contact disability services at my school. We'll see what happens! :) In regards to transferring out or taking online classes elsewhere, I'm not able to do that. For my major, my school is the best in the country for the program so I'd really hate to have to leave. I'm actually rather close to graduating and all of the courses I need are specific to my major and aren't offered anywhere else. Because of all of my health issues I've been largely unable to work. I've had a couple of jobs here and there, but not enough to put a substantial amount of money in the bank. I can't afford an apartment unfortunately. Yeah I've been rather unfortunate in the friends and significant others department. At the time I found out I needed to have an ileostomy I was dating a very nice guy. When I told him about the ostomy, he freaked and said he was too immature and shallow to handle it. And he was 6 years older than me! To think, when does maturity start? But yes, I'm trying to surround myself with good people. It's hard, but I'm working on it. Thank you so much for your thoughts! :)


snugglesaurus- Yeah, I think probably out of the bedroom and the bathroom, the bathroom would probably be the most important. I'm hoping to try to find that option on my campus. You're right on that, I'm not really comfortable transferring to another school. And unfortunately, I'm taking very major specific classes that are not offered anywhere else but at my school. Thank you for your thoughts! :)

Marsky- You're just full of ideas! :) It never even occurred to me about the possibility of a request for no roommate if there are not any available singles. It's a brilliant idea! Oh, you're wonderful!

flchurchlady- Hello! Thank you :) I agree, we've had very similar experiences! Yes, I'm very determined with school; before the ileostomy I was going to be graduating a full year early, go right into my master's and graduate with my master's when I'm 23. Doesn't look like that's going to happen anymore. But everything happens for a reason right? I acutally worked as a receptionist myself right after my fistualaotomy but at that point I was in very little pain. At this point though, that's the exact opposite. As I am doing online courses, I am sitting down almost all day, but trying to stay as active as possible.

Yeah I'm hoping for the possibility of a private bedroom and bathroom. Otherwise, I see everything being rather difficult. I live at home with sister, mother and father at the moment and sometimes they have a hard time handling it, especially in concerns with emptying the bag and changing the entire appliance.

I will definitely keep everyone up to date! :) Tomorrow is Monday, therefore I should get some replies from school! Hopefully at least!