Please post stories of how it got better

Look, I know what you mean, but I have to tell you once you`re finished with convalescing from surgery and have most of your energy back, then you have to normalize about having the stoma. It is difficult because of dealing with leaks and maybe having to reexamine the kinds of bags we are using. For me, life went back to normal when I automatically always had supplies with me, could deal with a leak and do a change anywhere at any time and treated it as a practical matter. There also came a point when most friends stopped wanting to hear about my inner life with stoma. I am being tough maybe, but I was also dealing with a new job and very tricky political situations. I can`t say I didn`t continue to have stoma stress moments.
I started a new job about two months after my colectomy and I had to make sure I felt relatively normal. But that was also the point in time when it had been several weeks since I had my system together, hqd gotten used to waking up in the night to empty the bag. Getting normal meant making all the adjustments you have to make so that your life can be normal.
There is not reason for you to think that the whole thing will not get better; it will. Things in life tend to move towards healing.
There also came a time when I could meet a friend in the evening and not have a need to tell them my stoma thought of the day, because I was thinking about having fun or what we were going to see that evening. Give yourself some time and let life in.

It is a "new normal" for sure. After a few months my husband felt more comfortable and confident about going out for longer periods of time. While he was going through his adjustment period of finding the right appliance you are a little pre-occupied wondering and worrying about a malfunction. I would say once he found the "right fit" for him that was working well it was about 6 months that I think he was more relaxed.

If we go somewhere and we are going to be away from home for a good portion of the day I/he makes sure he has a dark colored disposable bag, a wafer w/pouch, a few folded paper towels and skin prep pads in a sealed ziplock bag just for insurance. He wears straight bottom golf type shirts outside of his shorts and will wear a dark patterned shirt. He wears the cargo type shorts so that ziplock bag fits in one of the pockets in front easily. If I am with him I keep it in my purse.

He has not had an accident yet but at least for peace of mind he has a basic quick fix if needed so he isn't caught short. He did have one blowout at home (our fault...chinese food too soon and too much) and a few leaks but not with the appliance he ultimately found that works well for him.

I know they are pricey but he maintains that the ostomy secret men's longer legged briefs with the extra panel makes all the difference in the world for him.

He is very vigilant in not drinking carbonated drinks and doesn't eat a lot of gassy foods so ballooning of the pouch only seems to be when he wakes up in the morning.

Now not having a bunch of problems, complications and healing quite well after surgery certainly makes it an easier adjustment. Coupled with the fact it became an elective situation following years of being so sick he was fed up and being able to be totally off the prednisone all worked in his favor.

So some of what I am relaying might not really be a good comparison.

Hoping when a person has everything fall into place, finding the right appliance etc. then it does in fact become their "new normal" as I indicated above.

Good luck.....I hope in the weeks to come it does get easier and easier for you.

Ridge, it sounds to me like you are not doing badly at all. The coming off the ativan can`t be fun but you have to go through that. What helps me a bit nights is melatonin, 5-6 mg and not much happened the first time but the 2nd time I felt a bit relaxed for sleep. This si not a tranq but our own sleeping hormone. I sleep more deeply (and feel it in the morning and also dream very intensely on it.
But I have the feling your nighttime anxiety is a pile up of thoughts and feelings about the stoma and bag and maybe you feel normal upsetness about what has happened to your body. The word mutilation came up for me. It`s also a process of making friends with the stoma. Now come all the thoughts my friends couldn`t really relate to. When my stoma was two months old, after two months of going through emtional hell, I realized that I was having tender feelings for it. Call it a relationship. It had so,ehow acquired a kind of personality for me, I had the impression I was constqntly accompanied by this strange little animal that was very "expressive" and worked 24/7 for my well-being. I showered without the bag so it could breathe and kind of give us quality time together. I did everything I could to keep the skin around it healthy (my surgeon even remarked how good it looked), I was conscientious about what foods would give it a hard time and avoided them. OK now it gets crazy. I heard it talking to me in my head. I moved apartments last November and because of work, had too little time for packing. I packed straight through the last night before the movers came. The following afternoon when it was all over and I was waiting for a friend to come over to the new place, it said to me; "What did you have to go and move for? It`s really lousy for me when you don`t get enough sleep!" Whiny tone of voice. I said I was sorry and promised it I would get enought sleep from now on.
The afternoon before my reversal, last March, I was at my desk at home waiting for some friends to come by and take me out. It said "oh don't go out with them, let's stay here just the two of us." I hd to explain that it was god for me and therefore for both of us if I see my friends and that we would have enough time together before going to sleep.
While I may have lost my mind I just want to say that there is an emotional process we have no choice but to go through in order to accept things and get on with life, so I think your nights will get less and less difficult.

I posted your exact post about 7 months ago, and about 2 months out of surgery. It was a relatively long haul for me, and I think what made it tougher was that the ileostomy was a difficult enough decision. I really thought that all of my problems would be gone sans the adjustment period, but that wasn't the case. My signature speaks of what I went through post surgery (and then some), and I have to say, I did not feel like things were good until all of those things resolved (mostly).

Now, I still definitely don't have the ideal situation, and I still face minor issues with my system, but I feel normal again. This summer was a testament to how normal I really am. I was able to do every single thing that I had always done, plus eat LOTS more than I had always been able to eat.

It DOES get easier in time, even just because you get used to it and adjust to a new normal. I am one of those who always say a permanent ileostomy was definitely not on my to do list in life, but it was the best option out of bad and terrible. It makes me feel better, and I guess those results don't lie.

Just wanted to thank each of you who have answered. My heart knows it will get better, it's my head that needs convincing. I have enjoyed reading each of your journeys.
ps B'Dereh: I have talked to my stoma as well,, as I was trying to put a pouch on and it was spitting at me. I don't think we are quite as close yet as you were, and my comments weren't very civil lol
Thanks
David

David, I want to second what Summer says about making sure you notice the good things. I made this a practice (something I learned in a stress management class I took). At the end of each day, I write down five things I appreciated from the day, and I also write down the best, worst, and an ordinary thing from the day. I used to be much more negative, in general, and this helps me see that the positive is there.... not to sugar coat what's bad, just to see a bigger picture. Also, the "best, worst, ordinary" thing is helpful over time.... after my most recent surgery, I would have weeks where the worst thing had to do w/the surgery, and then I'd realize that the worst thing was something else..... and so someone being rude to me was, for example, framed as progress!

As I think you noted elsewhere, people have the surgery for different reasons. I say that I paid up front. I was sick for so many years and fought surgery for a long time, so by the time I had it I was ready. It would have been a whole different thing if I'd have had surgery earlier. So please try to be patient -- it's a big deal both emotionally and physically, but you can work through it all.

And yes, early on out, the drugs make things more difficult emotionally too.

Hang in.

Thanks again

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ravenscroftcollective/sets/72157625801506450/

Here's a short flicker photo set of my post-stoma journey thus far.