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You know you have an ostomy when...

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Posted 10/30/2012 11:21 AM (GMT 0)
You know you have an ostomy when...

...someone tells a joke and your stoma "laughs" with you.

...your purse just grew three sizes to accommodate your emergency supplies.

...showering *fully* naked is exciting.

...the color, consistency, and detail of your poo is more interesting to you than most other topics.

...your new "butthole" has a name.

C'mon, I know you Ostomates can think of other ones....
Posted 10/30/2012 7:16 PM (GMT 0)
TOO FUNNY! With all that we all go thru it is necessary to keep your sense of humor on top! Good for you for reminding us of that :)
Posted 10/30/2012 11:07 PM (GMT 0)
You poop around company, visitors, during meetings, etc.
Pooping does not require clothing removal
You can "gas" and it's never your conscious fault
You have more pooping supplies than a baby
Posted 10/31/2012 2:27 AM (GMT 0)
Hey...boot, update your blog. Write something. Anything entertaining. You should update each week.

I probably mentioned it before, but your site is the shiznit! You're the real deal.
Posted 10/31/2012 10:37 AM (GMT 0)
You don't have any time to get any reading done on the loo - 2 minutes, I've emptied and I'm out of there!
Posted 11/1/2012 6:22 AM (GMT 0)
Haha! Nice additions, Ladies and Gents. Keep 'em coming!!

SomeDude- Thanks! I was just going to post some pics tomorrow of how my incisions are healing, so I don't think "entertaining" would necessarily be the word I'd use to describe that, LOL. Maybe I'll try to come up with something to jazz it up a bit. ;-)
Posted 11/1/2012 7:15 AM (GMT 0)
you know you have an ostomy when...

you have to drop your pants all the way onto the floor and spread you legs as far as they will go so you can crap!

the store employees think you are shoplifting something under your clothes because your bag is full
Posted 11/1/2012 7:35 AM (GMT 0)
Haha, so true about having to drop my pants all the way to the floor. And sitting WAAY farther back on the toilet seat than ever before to leave room for taking care of business between the legs - it's like I'm on a recliner or something.
Posted 11/1/2012 2:21 PM (GMT 0)
Oh wow...haven't had the "shoplifting" suspicion thing happen yet.
Posted 11/1/2012 6:58 PM (GMT 0)
When you hear someone talking about a "one piece" or a "two piece" you think of ostomy bags, not swimsuits.
Posted 11/2/2012 2:44 AM (GMT 0)
...whenever the dog sneakily farts and stinks up the room you check to make sure your bag's not leaking.
Posted 11/2/2012 3:04 PM (GMT 0)
OMG yes. Anytime i smell any kind of poo smell i have to check my bag to make sure the smell isn't coming from me. Hahahaha
Posted 11/2/2012 5:24 PM (GMT 0)
pants to the floor, sit way back, spread legs farther than they want to go........all fine for you ladies......but we men also have to be careful of.......well, you know...

Dan
Posted 11/3/2012 11:57 AM (GMT 0)
Haha - Oh jeez Dan, I can just imagine having one more thing in the way, LOL. What a pain! And I thought I had it bad.
Posted 11/3/2012 4:00 PM (GMT 0)
Why do you drop your pants onto the floor, and spread your legs apart to empty your bag? It's much easier to sit sideways on the toilet, that's what I do anyways.

You know you have an ostomy when you're with a group, and someone farts, you know for a fact it wasn't you!

And you can poop fully clothed.
Posted 11/4/2012 1:03 AM (GMT 0)
ShyAnn
WHAT?? SIDEWAYS? PANTS UP? KNEES TOGETHER?? Give us a good description of your procedure. Sounds like it could be really messy.

Dan
Posted 11/4/2012 10:46 AM (GMT 0)
Haha, I agree with Dan - I'm having a hard time picturing it! My stoma is so low on my tummy, I don't even think the bag would reach over my leg to go sideways, anyway. But still - I may need a picture of this pants up, knees together situation. It's gotta take some careful concentration not to make a mess in that position!
Posted 11/4/2012 6:47 PM (GMT 0)
These are hilarious! Keep 'em coming! tongue

You know you have an ostomy when...

You start to categorize your friends as "rectal" and "non-rectal"
Posted 11/4/2012 10:07 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, seriously ShyAnn, please tell how you do this! I have no idea what you are talking about when you mean sit sideways!? I am so confused as to EXACTLY how this works!
Posted 11/5/2012 12:44 AM (GMT 0)
I think we need a photo. Fully clothed, of course... just pull the bag out to show us how it works. You don't even need to have your face in it if you're shy. ;)
Posted 11/6/2012 12:47 AM (GMT 0)
I think she faces the SIDE of the toilet, she crouches a bit so the stoma is level to the bowl,she then sticks the bag's end into the toilet bowl?
Posted 11/6/2012 12:55 AM (GMT 0)
Her words were "sit sideways on the toilet." It just wouldn't quite work for me. My stoma is situated too low, and the bag is not long enough to reach over my leg. It's all good, though. I've got my own system going. Just wish I didn't have to use so much TP cleaning out the tail every time.
Posted 11/6/2012 9:03 PM (GMT 0)
boot
I have an 8 ounce squeeze bottle. I put 4 or 5 ounces of water in it. After I empty I squeeze the water into my pouch, squish it around and let it out. Saves on TP.

Dan
Posted 11/20/2012 8:24 PM (GMT 0)
Bump for ShyAnn...
Posted 11/21/2012 4:34 PM (GMT 0)
You know you have an ostomy when...

Farting forward becomes a popular party trick.

You walk around with your hand on your bag wondering if it time for a bathroom break.

You name your bag after people in your life who are "full of crap"

 

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