I feel like I hate the stoma

Ignored you too.

Hey, it works!

Nice cup of tea, For your information, I was not stalking you but I have been reading nearly every pertinent post on the Crohns, UC, Ostomies and Irritable Bowel syndrome forums that applied to my situation for the last several years and your sad drama always drew attention. You see, I have been very sick. I have been in the hospital more than I have been out so I had nothing else to do but read and hope I could come to the right decision on what to do to better my health. People on the Ostomies forum have given you great advice to go over to the depression forum because maybe there, you can learn coping mechanisms..

I am sure I am not the only one who finds your behavior completely bizarre. I suggest you get some help fast. I think you are self destructing before our eyes and I find that very sad.

B'Dereh- That you for those encouraging words. I had a very bad night last night when I posted but I am feeling a bit better today and will continue to post here. I have an appointment today with an Ostomy nurse and will get some information today that will hopefully help me get over this undecided hump. I will take your advice and look past the negativity and hand pick what to absorb.  

 

Post Edited (sweetbabyray299) : 5/20/2013 10:54:05 AM (GMT-6)

I think you are self destructing before our eyes and I find that very sad.

Nope I've always been this way. And the people who care about me accept the way I am, depression and all. Like I accept them for who they are.

@nenagirl - A sincere thank you: I'm glad you posted! I remember you sticking up for Esor and I appreciated you for that, then.

I'm going to do my utmost to leave HW for a few weeks/months. I don't really want to be banned and I'm afraid that's what I'm heading for if this carries on for much longer. It's a pity as I still do like posting on the Crohn's board, but I don't have the self-discipline to come to HW and stay away from the Ostomy board. I don't know if I'll ever become an accepted regular on this board now, which to me is a shame, considering I have an ostomy and all.

Feel free to mail me if you want (but I won't be offended if you don't!).

Thanks nenagirl :p

I've become a bit indecisive now. Believe it or not, but somebody on the Crohn's board actually asked me to stay... >_>.

Whatever happens, I think a break from the Ostomy board is definitely warranted.

Yay, at least one person is happy at the sight of me! :p

Good old CD indeed >_<.

I'll see how it goes over the next few days. It seems like my negativity wears everyone else down, while I feel like their positivity wears me down in turn. I need time and space to feel like total crap, without having to pretend that surgery was the best decision I ever made in my life. Or being patronised over my depression issues and not-so-subtly made to feel that if I wasn't such a screw-up I'd be happy with the surgery just like everybody else.

Out of interest, how do you feel about having an ostomy? When did you have yours done in fact? The first question is rather personal, now I think about it. I won't mind in the least if you'd rather not say.

Nena, Wow, interesting at all you have to do to get out of the house. Glad you can do it though as it's soooo important to be able to do. I appreciated your support when my thread went its way.

Nice Cup, I appreciated your support too and I wish you the best. there were others that were supportive too. I did not look back but appreciated all of them too.

I still have the non-working stoma and the proposal to get it moved to the other side now May 29 with a chest port put in for venous access May 28th. Because my issues are yet even different, I am seeing an adhesion specialist tomorrow as why not? There is a strong possibility that due to my adhesions, the moving of the stoma may make me worse. Yet, letting it go longer I could become less nourished. I have vitamixed a lot of stuff and liquidized it. Also those Boost VHC's appear to be doing their thing.

But bottom line is I have to make the toughest decision of my life. Do I live on liquids for as long as someone can? Bones, muscles, teeth, eyes all taking a hit. BUT with another surgery to transfer the stoma which does need to be done, alternative is possible fistula's, more adhesions on small bowel that could induce actual small bowel obstructions (JUST CANNOT GO BACK TO THAT!), ending up on TPN. I have two top notch surgeons being totally honest with me. They do not use adhesion barriers which I simply need, hence the consult with the adhesion doc. Adhesions are not anything that has been conquered by medical science yet. So no matter how good the surgeon is, even WITH adhesion barrier, sharp dissection instead of electrocautery, and all the other methods/materials for minimizing adhesions, IF I do something it may be a disaster.

If I do nothing, in time my body will literally fall apart. Supplements were to get me through 6 months. That time is up and I am still here. 1 year wait time is the optimum with use of adhesion barriers and dissection techniques. I am learning stuff I never wanted to know but there is a LOT to this whole adhesion thing.

Point I am trying to make is, we all have different issues. Sure some of us are depressed, why would we not be. Nicecup thanks for praying for me in your own way, I know what you mean, but hey it's the thought that counts.

I wish you well. No harm to see a counselor. Mine referred me to an adhesion specialist. She totally got my adhesion unique issue. Sorry you had similar experience as I. For awhile it hurt, now I just figure, that some people can accept and give support even if they don't totally get the person's issue. how can anyone get everyone's issues? we cannot. BUT The goal of a support group is support. A toast to you Nice Cup and wish you well.

I have no clue on earth what I will decide. I KNOW that I am not emotionally ready for another surgery next week, nor do I think I can arrange rides, lodging, and all that it will take when I was planning for mid June. Date and surgeon got changed. Did not even know til I logged onto the Mychart online. What a surprise!

I'm jumpin otta my skin trying to make a decision. As it is, I can get out and walk in my fav park everyday, but if this stenosis scarred small bowel kink thing goes emergent, I will be in more trouble and will have postponed my chance for soon well-intended help if I cnx next week. darned if I do and darned if I don't. If I didn't get out daily, I'd go kooks!

Have a nice meal for me or at least some ice cream. Jumpin into this and sticking my neck out, but, what the heck! Best to you Nice Cup. esoR

@nenagirl - Wow, I didn't realise your Crohn's was that bad. I suppose the lack of small intestine makes the ileostomy so high output. Obviously, I don't know you very well but you seem dignified and calm in dealing with it. It only took the one operation to make me completely fall apart, apparently =/

@Esor - I dunno. If it was me I'd probably have another surgery, but I can totally understand the fear of it all going pear-shaped (wrong). It absolutely sucks when you have to take a major gamble with your health. I wish I could tell you if you had the operation it would be all right, but I don't know, any more than the surgeons don't know. Sometimes you just have to have hope, but that's the hardest thing in the world to have sometimes. Best of luck, though, either way: whatever you decide to do.

@notsosicklygirl - Nah... I didn't :-/

"I am sure I am not the only one who finds your behavior completely bizarre. I suggest you get some help fast. I think you are self destructing before our eyes and I find that very sad."

I don't find her behavior bizzare. Everyone is unique, everyone has their quirks and stuff. NCOT speaks from the heart. Not sugarcoating anything. I like her for that. You get the real deal from her at that moment.