I will never understand why negativity is a bad thing

Negativity is not healthy. I've spent the majority of the past six months in the hospital and I developed severe anxiety. I had constant negative thoughts. My psychological issues worsened my physical symptoms. My thoughts made me sick and physically weaker. I chose to get help. I keep myself busy and spend time with people as much as a I can. On the days I am alone and my mind wanders toward negativity, I take a xanax to relax me. Your psychological state has a tremendous effect on your physical health.

Whining is not going to help you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It is what it is. Not everyone is dealt the best cards in life. You have to make the best of it.

Thank you so much, ambling.

Thank you for understanding. Email me; or I'll email you soon.

Nice, so I'm a 'toxic' person now? Look, I'm not mad at you, but these are the kind of comments I've been dealing with ever since I began posting on the Ostomy board. It's like when my mum calls me things like an 'infant' and denies it means anything. Now don't get me wrong, I am absolutely not the perfect daughter. But she thinks, when we argue, that I'm the only one to say horrible things to her and she never, ever says a hurtful thing to me.

But that's my mum and her good points more than make up for that.

I know I'm not perfect. But I also know when other people aren't perfect.

PS: A lot of the time, my 'negativity' is simply dark humour. I used to think people got that it was dark humour, but I've now come to the conclusion that probably 90% of my humour on this board has been taken at face value. I don't make any claims to being actually funny; but it lets off steam for me and tickles my silly humour buds.

Post Edited (NiceCupOfTea) : 6/23/2013 10:23:20 AM (GMT-6)

I don't want to get into a big argument, but I'll bite on one thing... dark humor.

In real life I'm an extremely sarcastic person with very dark humor, and it's gotten me into hot water more than a couple times with people who didn't get it... But one thing I've learned over time, and especially because my job involved a lot of communicating through email/writing, is that sarcasm and dark humor do not play online. If you want to record a YouTube video of yourself slagging off on whatever and making jokes, or Skype with your friends, that'll be fine, but even if you're typing to the most jaded, sarcastic people on the Internet, they probably are not going to understand what you're saying. So many misunderstandings happen between people, even people who are friends in real life, because of sarcasm that isn't interpreted properly. In the past I've texted sarcastic jokes to friends only to see them the next day and find out they're really upset with me!

I think in order to get along when communicating online, especially in a community like this where you have no idea who your audience is, you have to just tone it down and say what you mean. Like it or not, if you read something that was written as sarcasm but think it's sincere, most of the time it's going to sound... extremely harsh and mean. I save my jokes for my friends and family. Actually I think if they read the way I post on here they would laugh because it's so polite and unlike me -- but that's what's necessary to get along. I don't come here to make jokes or, honestly, even express myself, I come here to share information and my experience with my ostomies.

And Marsky -- SO TRUE. I had my period this week (after a long break due to health stuff) and I really think it was a lot grosser than my ostomy bag...

Liz, I'd like to take credit for that analogy - women vs men and their approach to an ostomy - but my ostomy nurse was the one that put me on that path to understanding. I had such a weepy day that particular day in the hospital, I swear I could not stop crying. She allowed me to cry, as did the nurses and nurses' aides, all were so nice, brief reason, I had a one day notice I was not going to have my simple 1 hour surgery, to scoop out my tumor, but rather a 5 hour procedure, a 7-10 hospital stay, and most likely an ostomy. They thought my tumor was penetrating the third bowel wall tissue but it wasn't. It was touching it, about to penetrate. So in theory I could have had the simple 1 hour surgery, a 1 day stay, chemo and/or radiation, wasn't sure at the time. Being away from my kids, they were 3rd and 6th graders, was killing me. I was a stay at home mom back then, very involved at their school too - all of it came to a grinding halt when I entered the hospital.

God Bless my former ostomy nurse, didn't need her for long but she seemed to know just what to do - hold your hand, give you a tissue, allow you to cry, or provide another POV you hadn't even considered. She was a gem. Still a very popular ostomy nurse I hear.

I wish everyone with an ostomy could have someone like her. After her common sense approach to what had been done to me, I decided right then and there to buck up and make the best of my situation. But I do think you need gentle encouragement to arrive at the conclusions I did. I looked at that brown output and thought, color it red and it could be my period. lol

By the way, if what you said was really true, then no humour, satire or irony in text would ever work.

I am the same person on the internet as I am in real life. No, that's not entirely true. I'm shyer in real life, but otherwise I laugh at the same things and have the same humour.

I love humour, it is literally my life saver.

Yay, I've finally got the pictures onto my laptop :p

That's honestly the first time I ever remember you saying anything bad about your stoma. Thank you for being honest. If more people spoke out like that, I'd feel less alone in my situation. I hope that the j-pouch is as successful for you as it was for, say, suebear. Even though my odds for a reversal are low, I may be able to have an ileorectal anastomosis, but my fears about it are the same as yours about the j-pouch: butt burn, incontinence, etc.

I can't remember directing my feelings towards any individuals apart from Tom1, and he was thoroughly unpleasant towards me first. If you wanna name names, name particular threads, etc., I'll take a look 'cos I really can't remember any individual who I've had a go at. Oh yeah, I did call out Pro once. But I did apologise to him for that, because I overreacted to a comment he made. Pro is all right.

Usually I do just say "I don't like my stoma", but it is my opinion that most people don't want a stoma as well. If you disagree with it, take it up with my stoma nurse and my mum, 'cos they've both said exactly the same. But I'm not offended: I think of it as reality, and I agree with it. Unfortunately sometimes a stoma is a necessity, but it is not an inherently desirable thing, in my opinion. If people feel bad about that, I dunno what to say, I really don't. If you need a colectomy, then you need a colectomy. I don't think anyone should live in years of misery and I would encourage anyone in that position to bite the bullet and book an operation as soon as possible. Okay, I'm sorta semi-joking now, but I do also really believe it: the stoma sucks, but the alternative (carrying on as you are) sucks even more. When I said I would prefer to live with Crohn's, I meant the early years of my Crohn's, not the last two years.

I really, really, really hope I haven't mortally offended with that last paragraph... Not trying to upset anyone, not trying to say they shouldn't like their stomas, or be grateful to be well again, etc. I just have some awkward feelings about the whole thing, which I have yet to fully accept.

By the way, I don't deny being depressed to the point of feeling suicidal at times, but humour helps me with that. And I am less depressed than I have been: I'm determined to fight to get better once again.

Okay, gotta dash, my French drama The Returned is about to start >_>.

Nice Cup of Tea:

I'll put in my two cents worth, but first. Little history. In May, 2010, I went to the hospital with severe abdominal pain that was, eventually, diagnosed as a volvulous. My sigmoid colon had twisted 540 degrees and was effectively completely shut off. Result was surgery to remove 18 inches of my colon and a temp ileo. During recovery, I got dehydrated, so I had to go back in and get n NG tube. Then a week later, had to go back in for another 10 days because the NG tube resulted in some junk aspirating into my lungs and causing pneumonia. All in all, I spent all but about 4 days of that month in the hospital.

OK, history lesson over. I hated the ileo. I hated emptying it. I hated it when it leaked. I hated that I couldn't sleep on my stomach. I hated that I had to put my wife through two months of hell because I couldn't take care of myself. However, bottom line, I guess it was better than the alternative. Thankfully, I have been reconnected lost three years now and, with the exception of not being able to drink wine, things are fin.

Negativity has its place and I agree with others who say no one in heir right mind is going to say, "oh yeah, that stoma? I want one even though I don't need it." For you, a permanent ileo is a necessity to stay alive. But that doesn't mean you need to like it. Having said that, it's something you need to accept and, as long as the negativity about it doesn't extend to your overall life, I guess that's fine. But, if it does, you need to find an outlet. Perhaps counseling on how better to cope or perhaps an in-person support group would help.

One thing about the Internet, because of the anonymity with which people can post, some humanity can go out the window and posts can get nasty as there is no repercussion for a rude post. That's why, in your case, something face-to-face would likely be a lot more helpful.

OK, so maybe that was more like my nickel's worth than two cents. But I truly hope you can find some kind of inner peace for yourself.

You might want to have your magnesium levels checked out. Most people are low in magnesium to begin with but if you urinate a lot or have diarrhea, that can cause you to lose magnesium faster.  Low magnesium causes fatigue.

 

My output is usually more watery.  I drink a lot of water since losing my colon, too, and makes me run to the bathroom more.  Plus I have chronic pain and fibromyalgia.  One of the hallmarks for fibromyalgis is fatigue.  fatigue isn't a huge issue for me and I think it's because I take magnesium supplements daily.  Google it and see what you think.  I know you have mentioned the fatigue in other posts.  Hope this helps.

 

Sherrine

I use magnesium malate.  It also has malic acid in it.  Malic acid is found in apples but I'd have to eat a bushel to get what I get in the supplement.  Plus magnesium malate is a highly absorbable form of magnesium.

 

Word of caution, though.  If you start magnesium, start out slowly.  It can cause diarrhea until your body gets used to it.  I didn't have a problem.  The supplements I took had 150 mg of magnesium malate in each pill so I only took one and waited to see what my body would do.  Then, when things looked "normal" I took two a day...then three a day.  I now get around 700 mg of magnesium daily with these supplements plus what is in my multiple vitamin.  But, I am going to get my magnesium levels checked to make sure I'm absorbing things.  

 

Both magnesium and malic acid help with fatigue, by the way.

Sherrine 

This is going to sound gross and when I first did it, it was gross, but I got used to it. When I had the ileo, I would crush a regular multivitamin and mix it in with the cream of wheat I would have for breakfast and a second helping for a pre-bed snack.. My issue at the time (among other things) was anemia. The multivitamin I took had 50% of the iron I was supposed to get, so taking two a day meant I was supposedly getting the iron I needed. It tasted odd the first few times, but I got used to it. It must have worked too, because my iron level, which was pretty dangerously low when I was discharged from the original operation, got back up to normal within the two months I had the ileo. All that time, my surgeon was telling me she wouldn't be able to reconnect me if my iron level was too low, so I had one heck of an incentive.

If it works for iron, it should work for all the other goodies in the vitamin as well.

Thanks folks - that's very helpful stuff about the magnesium :p

I'll also look for epsom salts at the supermarket >_>. I hadn't taken a bath for about 15 years until I had the operation, then as soon as I got home from the hospital I ran a bath and sat in it for about two hours. It was restorative.

Bay Area Guy - Crushing tablets should work, unless they're specifically designed not to (ER oxycontin, for example. You can't destroy the ER mechanism by crushing the tablet. But that's not gonna apply to a simple multivitamin pill.) By the way, I used to have problems with anaemia and couldn't tolerate oral iron: iron transfusions worked really well for me, though. (Well, not the first time, 'cos I had an anaphylactic reaction... >.>. But with a different formulation and a slower infusion rate, it always went fine after that.)

summerstorm - I've taken omezaprole (generic prilosec), usually when I was on the Pred. But I haven't taken any since the itching began. I'll see if my dad has any I can try!