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Semi OT... help me plan my life

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Posted 7/9/2013 1:22 AM (GMT 0)
hi guys... This is not super related to ostomies but I need the expertise of other "surgery survivors," I've gotten a lot of advice from friends and family but no one else really knows what we go through...

I want to leave my job and go back to school to make a BIG career change. It's something I was planning on doing before I was diagnosed with UC, but had to be put on the back burner during my severe flare. Every time I thought I was getting better (on pred, later when I started Remicade, etc) I tried to get things in order to apply to school, but it never panned out and I ended up with my surgeries.

I planned on taking a part time course this fall (~4 weeks after my takedown -- my surgeon felt it would be fine) but I've run into some hurdles and it seems like the logistics (unrelated to medical issues) aren't going to work out. There are some other options I could explore in order to start my courses this school year, but I would have to write my applications now.

Honestly... I'm tired and stressed out. If I could snap my fingers and make everything work out, I would want to be able to start school sooner. I'm not 18 and I want to have children, too, so I know it would be best to get my degree sooner rather than later. On the other hand, I'm starting to question how wise it would be to try to take a course this fall or even in the spring. I've been planning this all year since my first surgery, and I think I'm physically capable of it, but emotionally and mentally I'm not so sure anymore. I'm afraid that if I put it off now I'll get complacent and never get around to it. I don't want to use my illness as an excuse to not follow my dreams. But... like I said... I'm tired. Not sure if this is just a temporary slump that I need to push through or if my body is trying to get me to do the "right" thing.
Posted 7/9/2013 1:39 AM (GMT 0)
I think starting school to lead to a career change is huge, and you want to be able to give it your all.... but surgery is huge too, and it's not an excuse... maybe if it were 5 years from now and you'd been fine, then your reluctance might not really be about medical things, but the surgery hasn't even happened yet. I'd say listen to your body, let yourself focus on surgery and getting better.

Maybe one part time course that you wouldn't have to do stressful applications for, and that you could drop if it were too much would work for you....

If you could snap your fingers and make everything work out, you'd skip the surgeries entirely and just cure the UC.... so you can't do that.... and it's really disappointing. That's real.... but pushing through won't give you the exact same trajectory you'd have w/out the UC and surgeries....

You're not 18, but you're still young, and there is lots of time to go to school and to have children and to have many of your dreams realized..... and there's also time for a bit of rest from all you've been through (and are going through).

My two cents..... of course, you should make your own decisions. But I always say that things aren't so overwhelming when you're not so overwhelmed.... it'd be much better to start your new path excited and eager, rather than worried about not losing any more time and afraid of getting complacent .... and later, if you're not excited/eager I'd take that as important info....
Posted 7/9/2013 11:48 AM (GMT 0)
Liz, what about taking online courses? I used to be a full time college professor, but now I teach some online classes for a major university part time. It's not the same, but I think for an adult student in particular, it can work well. And logistically it may work better for you. There are tons of options - places like Virginia Tech, Penn State, UMass, etc all offer online courses and degree programs, so it's no longer just University of Phoenix. You get the same degree as someone who went to campus. There are also hybrid programs - you take courses online, then ho to campus for 2weeks or so a couple times a year. Lots of MBA programs work that way.

I'm on vacation this week (yay beach) but if you want to talk sometime, I would be happy to discuss more - just email me your ph #.
Posted 7/9/2013 2:02 PM (GMT 0)
If you don't try; you may spend the rest of your life regretting it.

Sue
Posted 7/9/2013 2:20 PM (GMT 0)
Your body and mind may just need a rest for awhile. You have been through a lot and still have yet another surgery. You have to realize that you cannot always dictate the course of your life. Things get thrown at you - UC, surgeries, etc.. and you have to accept that they will cause you to change course. I went for years with UC and surgeries.. trying to blaze forward like nothing had happened, but it took its toll- physically and mentally.

I think the challenge for you is to accept that your course has had to change. And then allow your body to heal before you demand to push yourself so strongly forward again. I think anything that requires a huge time or financial commitment right now for you.. may not be the best choice. You still have another surgery, and then you have to learn to live with your new plumbing system, and most of all, you need to give your body a chance to heal. Heal from the sickness, heal from the surgeries, heal from the mental stuff that we all go through being sick and having surgeries.

You are still very young liz. There is plenty of time ahead of you to change careers, go to school, have kids. Right now I feel that your focus should simply be on taking care of yourself. Preparing yourself for your surgery, getting rest, and doing whatever it is your body is physically telling you that needs to be done for you to recover.

just my opinion.
Posted 7/9/2013 5:16 PM (GMT 0)
Here's my two cents: go for it. At least, give it your best. While writing these applicataions takes some time, there will probably never be a perfect time to write them. Once you've finished the first degree and start working, and then start thinking about grad school, you wll always have to make the time on the weekends for the applications. You want to start sooner rather than later, you wrote. That's what you want. I agree that 4 weeks after take-down will be enough time, and when I put myself in your position, I know that if I put it off and waited to the next semester or academic year, I'd feel frustrated about it. I'd push myself to do whatever I have to do to make it happen when I want it to happen, in other words, to make my fantasie version come true.
A few years ago I decided on grad school too, and due to many circumstances, it meant going to another country and organizing all of that for myself as well. I almost let myself slip, until I got an email from the director ofthe department where I wanted to study, to remind me that the deadline was approaching in a few weeks. So I wrote the appliction and gave the two essays to my smartest friend for editing and feedback. She was happy to help and discussing the essays with her helped me crystalize what I wanted to say. It meant giving up play-time on the weekends and evenings, because I was working about 50 hours a weekin a big internet company. But once you're out in the world, it's always going to be like that, and I would consider it a blessing that the final operation will be over in time before school starts.
Then when you get the acceptance letter, you are going to feel like you just fell in love and have this great new perspective.
End of two cents. I'll just add it was the best decision I ever made.
Posted 7/9/2013 10:41 PM (GMT 0)
I would be inclined to say, "go for it" as well. Maybe having something new to focus on, a goal to reach, will help pull you out of the tired funk and get you on your way to feeling a bit more normal? Even if you only take one simple course to start, I think that moving towards the goals you set for yourself pre-sickness would be a great way to prove to yourself that YOU are totally in control and have come so very far in beating this mess and getting on with your life on your own terms.

As for worrying about kids and timelines, etc....don't let that be the thing that pushes you to get through school. You are still so very young and have more than enough time to make all of those things, and so much more, happen for yourself.

I love the idea of making some changes now that I'm healthy....finding a new job and someday having children, etc... Thing is, I am a bit older than you and have NO idea what sort of new job I would like OR when I'll be able to start a family. So you are way ahead of the game compared to me! :) Good luck in figuring it all out, and if you ever want a sounding board, I'm all ears.
Posted 7/9/2013 11:33 PM (GMT 0)
Absolutely ...JUST DO IT....I was in the exact same situation. UC got I the way and I couldn't hold down a job let alone study full time. I had my surgery almost this time last year. I am now a full time student studying education, I'm a vintage at 43 years old and life is great.....all the best ...
Posted 7/10/2013 2:11 PM (GMT 0)
One more two cents: I do remember clearly the day or moment or3 days whenI felt overhwelmed with all that had to be done to make it happen - I couldn't see my way clear through it and decided it was impossible and nearly gave up. Some kind of impetus made me get it all done in time, despite a lot of hectic and chaos and no time, and as soon as I started working towards it, it became more and more possible and I became more and more excited about it until I realized it was the one thing I really wanted. Anothter tip - when I've needed help with something, I got the help I needed as soon as I started putting in the effort myself. It's something I learned is a universal principle, at least for me.
Posted 7/10/2013 10:00 PM (GMT 0)
Would there be any fallout if you made the applications and had to cancel later for whatever reason? If not, I would at least get the ball rolling, procrastination is the enemy of progress. I'm 42 now, and as you get older time seems to speed up, so if you want to do something, do it sooner, rather than later.
I kept putting off moving forward with more surgery for the last two years, just because I was worried about the implications for work. Now I find myself unemployed again anyway. The plus side to that, is I now have my ass (no pun intended!) in gear, and am awaiting a surgical consult to get the ball rolling.
If I had done it straight after my sub-total, I'd be sitting here with a j-pouch now. I know that's slightly different to your dilemma, but you see my point. Time can just slip away if you let it.
Posted 7/11/2013 4:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Liz,

My advice to you will be different from some of the other ones here. Before telling you what I think you should do, a little about how UC changed me. I am a tenure track faculty at a top tier business school, where getting tenure is almost impossible. I was one of the best placements ever out of my doctoral program and I was the youngest professor at this school. I was, and am, crazy ambitious and everything was about getting tenure at this school. This meant 16-17 hour workdays, including weekends and at times working even at home when I wasn't eating. I took my health for granted and abused my body. Didn't really care about what I ate, when I ate or how long I slept. Didn't take vacations either because at my job yu can never work enough.

Then I was diagnosed with UC and it was a very rude awakening. UC made me realize how fragile our bodies are and how valuable being healthy is. When I was a kid we were taught health is the greatest wealth and UC made me truly realize that. I sufferd with UC for three years, three very frustrating years because I startd lagging behind at work and basically life in general. It made me realize what is really important to me. With UC, going out to meet a friend and coming back home without having an accident became a sort of an achievement. And, I realized that if I happened to have UC for the rest of my life and being in a constant flare like those three years, which for a long time seemed like a very distinct possibility, I had focusses on very wrong priorities. I missed not having spent enough time with family and friends, not havng travelled enough, not experienced the things I wanted for a long time.

I am doing a thousand times better after my takedown and have a new appreciation for everything life has to offer. And, that's just not being able to put in12-14 hour workdays again. I really appreciate every sip of coffee I drink now because at one point in time I had reconciled to never being able to drink my favorite beverage again. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I am no longer ambitious or have given up on getting tenure. It's just that's have realized that now for me my health and body are the first priority. Given the cards that I was dealt, may be that means taking things a little slowly and focussing more on things that truly matter to me.

So, my advice to you is that don't over burden yourself by taking on too much too soon. The surgeries we are having are major surgeries and our bodies need plenty of rest o recover from this trauma. Also, I have realized that it's not just the surgeries that ou bodies are healing from, it is also from being extremely sick for several years. In the large scheme of things, six or 12 months don't matter. Take time to recoup and recover. Spend time with your loved ones for once as a healthy person in years where not everyone is just worried about how you are feelings. Experience things that you once thought you never would because of UC. In six months or a year once your body has healed and adjusted to the pouch, and you still feel as strongly about this new career, go for it. A year in your life, at your age is really not a big deal.

Good luck with the takedown. Relax, enjoy and eat some yummy food before the end of this month.
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