Still deciding and need advice

I'm still pondering the ileostomy for constipation, and I'm in a bit of a pickle.

I have a good job offer that I can only manage if I have the surgery. They will negotiate the start date to hopefully coincide with my recovery. However, I would likely need to relocate as well since I don't want to be in traffic 1-2 hours each way each day. I could schedule surgery on 7-23 even though insurance expires on 8-1. I can pay for the follow ups and supplies until I can get new coverage. I cannot afford a procedure or hospital visit, but it seems the chances of this are extremely low. I'd get coverage in another month or two (with or without the job).

I'm not sure I can handle all that, even if I do get a couple of months to heal. I've lived in the same house with my mother for 25 years, and she would not be able to leave this house for some time. I don't want to move away from her, especially since she has physical limitations of her own, and we'd both just be really depressed.

On the other hand, my job prospects are very poor given my lack of work history. My mother is most likely not going to be around as long as I am. A college degree doesn't help much when it's followed by over five years of next to nothing. Still, I don't know that I'm mentally prepared for surgery, let alone working full-time and moving away alone. Most likely though, I'd have to move away for any job in my field. I just hate that it has to come right on the heels of recovering from surgery, and that may be too much for me to bear.

If I don't have surgery the 23rd, this offer is gone and possibly any future opportunity like it. If I do, I don't know that I can emotionally cope with all these changes at once. Of course, I can still turn the job down afterward if needed.

Naturally, my mind can't cope with making a decision any more. This has made me very depressed, and I don't know if I should go into surgery depressed, or if it makes any difference. I'm going to be depressed either way.

What would you advise?

It takes me too long to go to the bathroom, which I need to do too frequently, at least once every three days. On those days, it takes me about 4 hours to get ready in the mornings, but it varies and is made worse by the slightest amount of stress.

Obviously, I'd have to be in bad shape or I would not be considering surgery. It's the fact that I feel okay most of the time that has made me so hesitant. Most is not good enough though I guess.

I don't even know if I could manage 40 hours a week in good health, let alone more to drive back and forth. I know I cannot do it with my bowel problems. In any case, that is way too far to commute on a regular basis, especially with the traffic and roads in this area.

(Seashell) said...
If you are considering the loop ileostomy (no colon resection or removal) then then surgery is less invasive than a colectomy, lending to a less protracted recovery.

I have to wonder if your quandary has more to do with psychosocial aspects that you worry about (relocating; moving away from your stable support system; embarking on new aspects of your life) than physical aspects of continued constipation or surgery to alleviate the constipation.

Both psychosocial and physical aspects are equally important and valid.
My sense is that it would help guide to look at both and how each weighs on your mind.

It would be an end ileostomy, but the whole colon is still being left in and attached underneath the abdomen if I opted for reversal. That lowers the risk of pouch leaks and gas or stool bypass. Still, I've never been in a hospital overnight and never had any injury or pain that required nearly that much time (with that much restriction) to recover.

You are partially correct in that there really are definitely two problems here. Still, the constipation (and what I have to do to go) does prevent me from working a full 5 days. Relocating and starting a new job maybe I could learn to manage; the surgery maybe I could learn to manage. All three at once I don't know that I could learn to manage, especially that fast.

I'm mentally exhausted from months and years of trying to make these decisions, and just the anticipation of any of it wears me out physically and makes me only more depressed.

Sounds like you need to make a decision Jack....if you want to maintain the results you've seen for many years, don't make that decision.....if you want positive change.....well I think you know what to do.

Best of luck

hey Jack -

first off, I spend most of my time on the uc forum - I only wish I would have used your name, only with a slight spelling difference - jack SPLAT would be so awesome for someone with uc - oh well, a day late and always a roll of tp short

so just wondering, do you have any support in your journey - sounds like you have a lot going on and could use someone to help you navigate through all of it - any other family members to help you and your mom ? maybe you're like me and have a hard time asking for help - for me as I've gone through some tough times, I have found I don't even have to ask - I just need to ACCEPT, which has always been hard for me too - now when folks offer a helping hand, I say YES !

I hope you can get things figured out soon - good luck !