telling children about parent's ostomy surgery hi

I have a first grader and for the three weeks leading up to my surgery, we watched videos and I showed him the book they give me at the consult, so he could look at the pics. Of course, I kind of shielded him from some parts of the surgery video that I felt were too much, but by the time I went in, he knew exactly what the doctor was going to do. He impressed my doctor because when he went to speak to my wife after surgery, my son went through every step to make sure he did it and how things looked. (yes I have a patient doctor)

I felt he needed to know everything, so that it would not confuse him and he would not worry and drive my wife crazy. Just be prepared because he asked A LOT of questions. I am 4 months post op from take down and he still is asking questions about what went on, so be prepared because they will drive you crazy with questions. It is amazing how their minds work, but it will eventually get on your nerves, at least it did with me, and I had to tell him enough when it was too much.

It also helped because when I came home he knew not to bump into my left side and actually helped me recover when my wife was at work. He was relentless in making sure I slept a lot and trying to get me to walk, so I could recover quicker. When you have a child bugging you, you can't really say no or I am too tired so it helps to motivate you when all you want to do is hide under the covers.

I am of the belief that the more information you have make things not so scary. I would rather know everything that is going to happen rather than worrying about the unknown so I have always passed on that philosophy to my son.

I have a 6-year-old and a 3-year-old and have told neither the specifics of my surgery, which I had 9 months ago. At the time they were told I was going to be in the hospital and the doctor was going to fix my tummy which would make me better. I had been sick for so long, which had affected them. So we kept the focus on the expected (and actual) outcome, which was that this was going to make Daddy feel better and be able to play with them again. We avoided the specifics as to how it was going to do that. They did not visit me in the hospital but we used Facetime. I certainly intend to tell them about my ostomy someday, when I feel they are ready to understand it, and won't go talking about it to all of their friends and teachers.

my 12 year-old daughter just touched my stoma the other day when I got out of the shower! She did know the basics when I went in for surgery- she was 10, & I had been ill her entire life, so we thought it appropriate to tell her. She doens't tell many people, but I could care less who she tells, frankly. She thinks it's the coolest thing, part of your small intestine poking out... while I don't necessarily share her enthusiasm, I'm ok with it too. Kids are really adaptable- as long as Mom or Dad is healthy & feeling ok, they're fine with however you get there, generally! Good luck!

I hope your conversation this weekend went well. I was very concerned about telling my kids as well (they were 7 and 9 at the time). My surgery was unexpected so I had to tell them afterwards. The ET nurse gave me this great coloring book/story book about Ostomies that was called "Can they still wiggle and giggle?". It was a book about all the things people with ostomies can still do...very positive and reassuring to kids. Also, we ordered dolls from Hollister (called Shadow Buddies, I believe) that had hospital gowns and stomas and bags. They come in male and female versions. I got one for my son and daughter and they slept with them for a while. I think it helped them to look at the bag and stoma whenever they wanted to, in private, to get more comfortable with the idea. My husband and I sat the kids down together to explain that I had had a surgery to help me get better and not be so sick anymore. One of my organs was making me sick and had to come out. It is the organ that helps people go to the bathroom out of their bottoms. Now mommy has a different way to go to the bathroom. I have a bag on my belly that I go #2 in. It doesn't smell and you can't get it on you if you hug me. It's not better or worse, just different. But it made mommy better, isn't that great?!
The kids have done great with it. It was a while before my older son would hug me close/tight, but after about a year, he is adjusting. Both of them see me change the bag and don't think much about it. My daughter is actually fascinated by it. This Christmas, she gave her coloring book to Santa and asked him to bring it to another child so it would help him/her with a mommy that was having an ostomy. Maybe it will come to you... :) Lots of love to you, as the disease is hard enough to deal with, but having to explain to my kids and knowing if they would accept it, was one of the hardest things of all. Kids are resilient. I wish my best to you and your family.

thanks guys,
some great ideas was brought in here. i never thought about dolls. will see if i can find the Shadow dolls from hollister.

so right now i am in the waiting game... hope to get a more exact date this week.
my 5 year old is asking when i'll go to the hospital and wants me to be on skype to talk to me. My 8 year old is ignoring the whole thing and has rarely brought it up.

hi Larasmom,
your Lara does sound like a smart and perceptive young lady

i like your idea about letting her name Lily, i bet it made her feel involved and it is interesting how she wanted to keep the same name for the new stoma.

in my house right now my daughter is not really talking about it and i think she rather not think about the whole thing at this moment. However, recently she asked me something about the surgery and her way of saying surgery was motioning cuts with her hand on the tummy.

hopefully we soon get the exact date and that this comes and passes successfully. This delay has been difficult emotionally and physically since i am only on Uceris and not really on any medication of significance.