Need advice and support RE: ostomy bag and confidence

In regards to clothing, particularly tight things, there are types of concealment garments available from a variety of places, the oft-mentioned one here being Ostomy Secrets. They have support garments for men and women that a lot of people swear by. I'm personally comfortable with the bag and don't rightly care if people stare. However, that's me and I tend to wear a lot of flowy layered clothing.

If people ask, just say you had some medical stuff to deal with and leave it at that. Most will probably wish you speedy recovery or overall wellness.

Your confidence is going to take a blow, this is true. However, I find that if you focus on the positives, such as this being a solution to whatever problems you might have had prior, you'll soon find yourself in a better place mentally and emotionally. That, too, takes time, of course. I can also assure you that other people don't notice the bag. I had my second one for fifteen years and no one, not a one, knew I had it. It would always come as a surprise. And even then no one really cared so long as I was healthy. You can still be yourself with the bag. :)

I find gym clothes to be a great fashion solution . Are you female? Tops from Athleta with runching or tops with slightly flared hems do a great job of hiding my bag combined with Ostomy Secrets underwear. A really tight top might be more of an issue, but try a wrap. They are like tub tops but more narrow. Slip the wrap on over your tights, with the bottom of the wrap hitting slightly below your waste band. I would think this configuration would enable you to wear a tight top over anything. And, just empty your bag a little more often. I often do so when I urinate. I have it down to peeing and emptying and cleaning my bag simultaneously. In and out in a "nano" second; and this helps my bag to remain fairly flat. My ostomy is about 2 inches to the right of my navel and I like to wear tights that are high rise. Nothing will make you feel more secure.

First off, tell people as much as you want, and no more. You do not owe anyone an explanation. I vote for the "dealing with medical stuff". As others said, people usually get that you don't want to go into detail about it!

i am having some issues with clothes myself, so all i can say about that is remind yourself that no one is going to notice and if they happen to…only the nosy ones would dare ask you what it is!

As far as people noticing in general…think about before you had surgery, when you were out and about among people. Did you ever see someone and think to yourself "Oh, I bet he/she has an ostomy bag!"? I know I never did. Never once thought that about someone. I bet the same is true with them when they see you.

It will take a while to get comfortable with the bag and to figure out how best to wear it for you, but you'll get there. Right now, I am back and forth between "I can handle this, no big deal" "I don't care if anyone sees it, whatever" AND "I hate this thing" "I'll never be able to look good in real clothes again". But I know that I am starting to get out of my T-shirts and sweatpants and feel ok in "real clothes".

One thing that helps me is to not look at it in the mirror, to not stare at my bag if I do look in the mirror.

Hope I have helped some and not confused you more. Hang in there….you'll feel better and gain that confidence!

Jordan: I also wear mostly loose and flowy clothing, more for comfort than concealment, though. Sometimes when I'm wearing my tighter skirts I'll put on some tights under it or some capri leggings. That tends to keep things from flopping about or getting too obvious. I find it's easier to hide the bag in the winter when layers are more acceptable, and comfortable! But I've been able to wear skinny jeans tight enough to make me forget what breathing is like and usually all I have to do is tuck the end of the bag into the leg of my underwear and make sure I'm wearing a longline top/tshirt. You'd be surprised what you can get away with. Also, no one has ever commented on it even when it was a little full. Carrying a large bag or tote helps, too, since I'd kind of subtly swing it in front of me until I could get to a bathroom. Having a light jacket to wrap around your waist is good, too.

But when you say tight clothes make your bag come off, do you mean it just clean falls off your body?

Sammy79, no it don't completely come off, it gets loose on one side or at the bottom when I have waste in it, not to be graphic..it ooze out the side or bottom. but since I started wearing loose fitting clothes it's better. I had to do a lot of experimenting, which bag was best for me, I had my ileostomy since 2006, I have to watch what I eat and drink..when I know I'm going out, I try to avoid eating and drinking, until I get home, now when do go out to eat, I try to sit close to the bathroom, my family knows why I have to go so often, and a few close friends, in case something happens and I need medical attention they can tell them,other than that know ones know, I keep it concealed, and keep a very good deodorant drops on hand.That's a must..LoL

Sammy79,I always use durapore silk tape it's a God send..lol, I can always tell be for it gets to full, but when I know I'm gonna be out for a while I won't eat only small sips of water, I'm use to it by now, but when I get home, I drink like crazy water like crazy,lol.. but seriously certain drink like tea, coffee, and milk, can cause leaks, so I sorta back off from those. my stoma has a mind of it own, it produces regardless. Question how often do you have change?

When I had my ileostomy I practically lived in yoga pants, especially high-waisted ones that I could pull up over my pouch. I could also wear fitted tops, and the pouch was not noticeable. I echo others' advice to empty more often if the pouch starts filling up.

Jordan: It depends on what I've been doing. I feel like my appliances are lasting a day or two longer on the left than when it was on the right. It could also just be because the skin on the left side of my abdomen hasn't adjusted to having a sticky wafer on all the time; that could change in the future. I hope not since it's nice to have such a secure seal for once! Well, if you excuse the fact the area above my scar isn't level, forcing me to pad it with some gauze. I think once I gain more weight it'll improve.

I use a two piece system from Convatec, specifically their convex series. I don't remember the product number (surprised anytime someone remembers theirs). I prefer two piece appliances since any time I'd use a one piece it would always leak like whoa. I just don't trust them.

As for air, just burp more often. U can sneak off and do that anywhere. Filters stop working in about 24 hours; so do not depend on them.

Regarding the uniform issue, I am a lawyer by trade. If you are living in the US, your employer has to accommodate clothing for your stoma under the American Disabilities Act, or it/she/he will be in big trouble. If that means wearing yoga pants for 6 months; after all you work in a gym; then you have the right to do so. Check Atheleta (owned by GAP); they have a ton of very fashionable work out gear. I live in the stuff. Finally, a dressmaker or tailor shop might be able to refashion the waste band of your uniform pants to accommodate your stoma. I know other ostomates that have that done to their jeans.

And, embrace your stoma and be proud of it. It probably saved your life and liberated you from all those intense drugs IBD'rs have to take. Trust me, in the medical world there is a lot more serious and burdensome issues people are dealing with. I have a good friend who was just diagnosed with ALS; puts it all in perspective.