When to tell him about "the bag" ??

The sooner you tell him, the better. Everyone will probably say, basically, the same thing... If he cares enough about you, he will be ok with it. If he can't deal with it, then, you probably deserved someone better, anyways. But, I would not let him find out for himself... that's just not cool lol!

I hate mine, too. And, I don't see that ever changing. But, it is what it is. As a guy, I would not care. But, that's me. My wife says she wouldn't care if I had mine before we met. So, she says. I've always had body image issues, too. Even before my ileostomy. So, it just killed me emotionally and mentally. I am still dealing with it, but I'm working on it.

Just do it, and good luck. whatever happens, you'll live. You made it this far.

I haven't dated much in the last 6 years since surgery....maybe a handful. With the exception of one, the others I told during a moment where topic of health and stuff came up. I told the story with confidence and portrayed myself not having any issues with it (even though I hate it but it is a part of me), maybe that helped them with any anxiety they might be having. it is a difficult discussion, very personal and sensitive. it's all about your strong developing connection with the other person, whether it's the opposite sex or a new friend.

That one exception was a touch aka steamy moment, and a comment of 'what is that?' Cat was out of the bag. no pun intended lol. But I have gone out with a couple of men that I didn't tell, because after a couple of dates, I knew this wasn't the guy for me anyhow, so no need.

Seems you have a good head on your shoulders and a great scene of humor. I don't know if your anxiety is about what he'd think, or just how to get the words out. I don't know if your a flat out...I have something to tell you...sort of person. I'm not. But I will look for that opportunity in a conversation about health, and it will come up, and start talking. If your that young, maybe health topics are not a source of conversation...to my middle aged self, it is. lol

Thank you for the replies! I agree that humor and confidence is the way!

I found this post online and can totally relate plus it's quite funny. This article as well as your replies have been a HUGE help.

Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 6:29 pm I would like to add.....after having an Ileostomy for so many years (33 years), I am aware of the opinion of the majority of non-ostomist men out there. Ive heard jokes and gasps of horror if the subject of "COLOSTOMY BAGS" comes up. Comments such as "how vile", or "gosh I'd kill myself if I had to have one of THOSE"!! Yes, have heard this type of comment, while talking in a group and somehow this subject comes up. Of course all of the group were completely unaware that they were standing right next to "one"!!

I am of the firm opinon, and no-one will move me from this...that most men out there think BAGS are ALL "Colostomy Bags"...that's the only words they know. The general consensus by them is that "Colostomy Bags are huge, obnoxious, smelly, vile - and to be avoided like the plague.

The best time to tell? Like I said...when he is REALLY hooked on you...not after a few dances and a kiss on the dance floor hun. I don't know what appliance you are wearing, but I can dance as close as a guy likes....and he would not feel a thing. I wear the new DANSAC Novalife, which sits LOW on the tummy. It is SO flat, with a very slim FLAT Fastener. As I said in my previous comment, I wear the tightest dresses and jeans...and even low rise jeans now, as these DANSAC beauties do not show on the waist. Can't feel Ive got it on....and even if you run your hand over my tummy, you may not feel it...and certainly wont feel it through my trousers or jeans.

So....my reiterated advice...WAIT.....don't tell him until he is really into you....and you will surely know when that is.....NOT when he just wants to get you into bed!!

My timing for these events? On a cosy evening with a few glasses of wine (EACH). It usually takes me over an hour....with "ums and ahhs", and end by saying "I have to wear a dressing on my tummy". This sounds SO much better than "hey! I gotta BAG"!!. Their general response is?.."do you mean a BAG"? and I say..."Similar". This is generally accepted immediately, and you can almost hear the indescernable sigh of relief from him, when you say "similar". It is not a lie...it just softens the "blow" for him (and me) and as time goes on, it will just be "accepted" slowly and gently - and as he realised that "BAGS" are nothing like the "horror stories" or expectation or perception of them that he may have had.

OK, I'm a coward....not coming out with the truth straight up front....but this has worked for me every time....and all my relationships have been LONG TERM ones.

What about "Intimacy", you ask? IF he likes you enough.....he will wait for the "ultimate intimate event" and will probably respect you more for waiting.....

I hate it when a guy comments "you are beautiful" because I am thinking in my mind..."wait till you get a load of this"....thinking tongue in cheek of my little secret. Oh yes, I have thought...he will come to know....but not yet, not yet.

I agree, the public's perception is that only "old" people have one and it's probably smelly and gross and if a young person has one then what guy would want to be with her??!! The boyfriends I've had were so great about it when I told them except for the one. It's all about body image and how we think people perceive us. It makes me feel humiliated when I hear someone refer to a colostomy as "EEEWWWW" but then I remind myself had I not had the ileostomy my quality of life would be poor. I am perfect in God's eyes and that I have to go with.