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Posted 1/5/2008 5:21 PM (GMT 0)
I know all of us have been through so much and have gained so much strength from it all, but does anybody ever have days when they question why?

 

Post Edited (Ash83) : 2/9/2008 7:39:39 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/5/2008 7:01 PM (GMT 0)
I think there are some of us that do react to what has happened to our bodies. I feel very overwhelmed at time to the point that I don't seem to have a handle on anything. And things need to be done. I do take ativan on those overwheming days. I know many here are strong and don't want to put drugs in their bodies, but I have work, a family, frinds, pets and a house to give my attention to. I am not good to any of them unless I am feeling better. I also have a therapist, and that's ok to. Least I am not complaining to everyone else.
Posted 1/5/2008 8:07 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Ash83:

I have a lot of the same feelings you described. I, like badbaggirl, take ativan (lorazepam) when I need it. I had just about every torturous test in the hospital that they had, not to mention multiple surgeries. I think I too have some sort of post traumatic stress. The medicine really helps to take the edge off and allows me to function normally (and sleep!). You really need your rest and there is no shame in taking something that will help you relax when you are so stressed. I know insurance is an issue but can't you go to the ER? I believe they must treat you by law. In the hospital I went to the social worker at the hospital was very helpful regarding insurances etc. Do you think you can speak to the social worker at your hospital?  I hope you feel better soon.

Richard

Posted 1/5/2008 9:38 PM (GMT 0)
Ash,

Normally, I can see the positve in just about every circumstance in life. I have to say, I desperately search for reasons to be positive when it comes to having a bag. It is not the life style change that effects me so much, it is the mental challenge of constantly knowing my bag is there. I can feel it all the time under my clothes tugging on me. I am continuously aware that I have an annoying plastic bag hanging from my sagging abs. My abs used to be one of my best features. The members of my fitness classes at Lifesyles would comments on my nice stomach and thin waist. Now, I feel frumpy, saggy, and have sroma that gets clogged when I eat cottage cheese! Everyday is a mental fight to remind myself that it's not that bad. I could be dead. I could be sitting in the hospital living on jello. Tonight I am making grilled chicken breast with lemon pepper for dinner. IF I can get this spinach to pass, I might be able to eat some. Of course, I cannot eat the brown rice and carrots mixed with sweat peas because neither of these can pass my stoma. But, I can eat chicken. Two years ago that was not even an option for me.

Ask, thank you for giving me the chance to vent with you today. I appreciate the reminder that I am not alone in this process.
Posted 1/6/2008 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
Ash,

It does sound like you have been "pushed" to your physical and emotional limits. I guess you can call it post tramatic stress. An anti depressant would probably be really helpful for you right now.

I was on Wellbutrin and I have xanax which is a fast acting drug that I can take just when I need it.

The stuff you have gone thru and are currently dealing with is not your everyday living. So needing extra help is normal. Anyone who says differently should try walking in your shoes for the past year.

((HUGS))
Kim
Posted 1/6/2008 7:20 PM (GMT 0)
I made several calls around to find my therapist. I got one that dealt alot with body image. (I too, thought I had a pretty nice little shape) And she definately advocated the ativan. There are times that I have so much anxiety that I can't do something as simple as let the dog out. It doesn't help that I broke off a relationship either (just recently) ... this person said it wasn't because of what I now call the 'alien' but I know it was like a third person. Sorry, as long as we are venting. It'll be two weeks before I get to see my shrink and this just happened,. Needed a place to dump. No pun intented! :-)
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