Pick a surgeon, any surgeon....

I missed a phone call at lunch time yesterday (Friday) from a Cleveland Clinic phone number. The voice mail instructed me to call back to have my surgery rescheduled. I was in a bit of a panic and when I finally got in touch with the nurse who had called me, she confirmed my worst fear....they really did want to cancel my appointment. Turns out there was some sort of emergency in my surgeon's family and he is going to need to be out for at least a couple of weeks. I was torn between sympathy for whatever had happened and feeling completely devastated that my take down wasn't going to happen and I had no idea when it might. It was all I could to keep from crying in the phone.

I collected myself and asked the nurse how far out they were pushing his appointments. She then asked me if I would be willing to consider another surgeon. I told her I would because it's just the stoma closure and a resident could probably do it if the chips were down and it had to be done. She agreed, put me on hold for what seemed like 1,000 years (was probably five minutes) and then came back to me another surgeon has agreed to take my case and I will still be able to get surgery on Tuesday as planned. What a relief!

I was a bit surprised with myself as to the strength and intensity of my emotional reaction when I thought things would be cancelled. I guess there is more going on under the surface for me emotionally than I've been willing to acknowledge lately. I'm going to need to spend some time examining that, I think. I'm also worried about my doctor. He doesn't strike me as the type to be out for weeks at a time unplanned unless something really dire has happened. I feel bad for him for whatever it is he is dealing with right now. I will meet the new surgeon for the first time on Monday morning, but I am oddly comfortable with the situation. My feeling is that none of the surgeons in that department are anything less than among the best in their field so I have nothing to worry about.

Pancakes, I do not think you need to explore very deeply, in the sense that your feelings about postponement of the final surgery are neither mysterious nor obscure nor incomprehensible. Most people don't have to deal with them at all. I think that we have mostly suppressed all but the tips of our feelings, ever since the first mention of colectomy by our doctors, acceptance that it has to be done, the violent feelings of being having been mutilated, looking at our bodies with a stoma which we have to care for every day (sometimes many times every day) and that takes up so much of our energy. We got changed. There is not way around it. Our identities are very complexly bound with our bodies, and with the simplest facts of eating, processing nutrition, and letting go of the waste through our rectums sitting on a toilet. No matter how sick we had been, and no matter how rationally we decide to accept the surgeries, there is no way we can truly deal with the entire depth and breadth of what happens in our emotional worlds. Consciously, we stay on the level of acceptance and we cope.
Most of us, like you and I, rationally agreed to these surgeries with the promise of the stoma being temporary, and that things can be put back to „relative“ normality in a foreseeable amount of time.
You've been in the last run for weeks. I'm there now too, and I know that my emotionality about everything has changed. I am now crying in front of freinds and telling them I can abolutely not stand it any more. I want my body back to myself without this foreign, unwanted bag hanging off me all the time. (Whereas before the 2nd OP, I wasn't thinking about it much at all. I just changed my bag in the morning and went off to work.)
Now, after all these months, your „Promised Land“ that was supposed to happen on Monday has essentially been pulled out from under your feet like a rug. I would be screaming, furious. I could imagine that this disapointment and frustration triggered off all the feelings you've been harboring all these months. Stay with your feelings, you do not need to feel empathy for whatever happened in your surgeon's life. I think it's great that you've adjusted quickly enough to make the decision for another surgeon. You found the way to go for your desire, despite a hinderness.

Hang in there, it really is just a matter of days.

I'm not surprised you had this reaction either.... when we have dr's we trust, they are anchors in this whole process, and your anchor was lifted.... plus you've been mentally preparing for this surgery for a long time now.

You just had a lot to process in that one phone call.... so of course it's going to hit very hard at first. Sounds like you made the best choice for you.

Why not send your other surgeon a card .... just a "thinking of you" sort of thing?

I like the idea of the 'thinking of you' card! It's a very nice gesture, especially if you are that concerned about him you can make him aware of your concern for him. In a professional, doctor-patient way of course! :) I think it's an excellent idea!

And yes, good luck! :)

I can understand your emotional response, I'd be devastated too, but the reversal surgery is a very easy surgery so you should be in good hands with any other surgeon. The first surgery is the one where lots of experience is needed, the rest is cake.

Sue

I would have made the same choice and yes a note to the Dr is a great idea too.