How and when did you tell your kids?

my boys are 10 and 12, but they've known right from the start. They were there when I got rushed into hospital and have been in and out every step of the way. They actually find it quite fascinating and to begin with my oldest son would come and help me change my bag and hand me things whilst watching with fascination!

Now it's just like 'oh yeah and my mum has a bag'.. no big deal. I've always played it down to be honest and almost made light of it and most of the time they forget about it. I change in front of them and they see it quite often.

I doubt your son at the age of 5 will understand too much and I think the best thing to do is not to make a big deal of it. Just explain that you go to the toilet in a different way, but it's no big deal and you had to have it because your stomach didn't work as well as it should. Then leave it at that. He might be interested, he might not. I think if you just keep it simple, positive (that it's made you better) and lighthearted, it won't affect his own toilet issues. Good luck

This might help too! http://www.coloplast.co.uk/OstomyCare/Topics/Lifestyle/WhenMumHasAStoma/Documents/When_mum_has_a_stoma.pdf

Lovetoski said...
Following on from uc-free's post, I'd like to know when and how did you tell your kids about your ostomy? I've got a nearly 5 yo boy and so far have avoided the subject, mainly because going to the toilet has been an issue until lately with him and I didn't want to stress him further. But sooner or later I'll have to tell him.

I'm just curious, but you're saying...going to the toilet has been an issue..... Why should he care how and when you go to the toilet? I didn't knew when my mom or dad crapped....they could have crapped in the shower for all I know.

Why would a 5 year old be stressed?!

My son wasn't even 2 when I had surgery, so he doesn't know any different. He's 7 now, and I have ever done is just say that I was sick and I had surgery so I could play with him and take him places. He doesn't seem to care. Sometimes he says, what's that bag for, I forgot. I just say, its for poop. He says ok and goes about his day. Kids don't care about stuff like that, especially if they have never seen you any differently. My Dad had polio, one of his legs is shorter and smaller, that's the only way I ever saw him. I can't tell you which leg, and I didn't even notice it until I was 10 or so, and even then I only saw it because there was an article in the paper about the polio epidemic that he got sick during. My point is your kids don't pay attention to things like that. As long as you love them and explain it to them if they ask it won't be a big deal.

Hi Love to ski . I've just had a colostomy fitted due to perforated bowel - had no idea I had any issues , so was a bit of a shock . Like Iron mum , my 2 girls have known right from when I ahd my bag fitted what was happening .
We decided that needed to be honest with them from the start - they had been dropped off with a babysitter whle I went to a+ e - they saw me in lot of pain and the next time they saw me I was connected to a mass of drips etc , and my husband had explained to them before they first saw me what had happened ( they are only 6+ 4 so didn't go into any great detail ) .

They have asked a few questions and have seen the "bag" - they asked to , and didn't want it to become a "secretive" thing - we have basically told them that mummy's tumnmy was very poorly , so the dr took the bad bit out and put the bag in to help my tummy get better .

Know where you are coming from regarding "toilet " issues and them worrying - my eldest gets lots of "tummy aches" and in first few days when I was home , she kept getting them ( anxiety??) and getting really upset - I suddenly twigged that she was concerned she had the same as me , so we had a chat that she was fine and it wasn't the same thing etc etc and she seems fine now .

Hope it goes well , think like anything in parenting there is never a "right" way ( always wished mine had come with a manual when they were born !!!!) xxxxx

I had my ileostomy done when I was 10 years old. My younger brothers were 8 and 5 at the time and they were told about it from the start. They came along to the appointments with me before surgery to see the stoma nurse so they could see and ask questions too - I got to see her several times before surgery so she could explain everything and even got to wear a bag before my op (therefore I had the added advantage in that it helped me determine for myself the best spot for my stoma along with the stoma nurse).

One of my mother's fondest memories is of my brothers and me forming a 'production line' getting my bags ready for me to take on a school camp about a year after my initial surgery, ie one of us would get everything out of the packets, the next would cut the hole in the wafer and the last would stick everything together.