Appointment with a UC Surgeon - Questions that should be asked

Hi, my name is Ellen. I am pretty new in here, first time asking questions.
I have UC, and currently considering a surgery to be cured, but some people in my family and my non-surgeon doctors think I should keep taking medications and should not work the job I want because of the stress. I am choosing the surgery(ies) simply because I do not want to be in another huge flare, which I exprienced last summer. I was hospitalized for 3 months, loosing spring and summer completely last year. I dont want to be in the exclutiating pain that caused me to be disabled going to bathrooms so many times, had to wear diapers, going to bathrooms at night with bloody Ds and Drs had to stop my food intake for 1 month. Even when I was drinking water just to take medications I would go to bathrooms within 5 min. of drinking water.
I know some people get surgery because they have exhausted their medications and in an emergency situations they schedule a surgery, but for me I would like to get the surgery to be cured, while my medicine is still working (though very dangerous immuno suppressant) because I read and heard that Drs recommend an elective surgery instead of emergency one, so that the patient can be on a relatively good health and the body has a chance to go under a big surgery, and stand more chance on positive result avoiding more complications.
I wonder if there is anyone here decided to get the surgery due to UC because they do not want to be on the dangerous medication till rest of their life or I dont want to risk myself on getting diabetes due to steroid and IV feeding (luckly last time I didnt get diabetes while on steroid...)
I am also scared how the recovery would be like. I am scared of getting J-pouch surgery but if it worked well its nice, but on the other hand it may be better with permanent illeostomy rather than risking J-pouch based on horror stories I have read (I dont want to be taking immuno-suppressant after J-pouch due to pouchititus or take anti-biotics for the chronic pouchititus.)
When you get an ostomy (illeostomy), how long would I be out until I can go back to work? For illeostomy I understand that it makes noises, fart noises and such. I am afraid of leaks and smell while at work in front of clients/colleagues or fart in front of them in a very quiet office where I can just hear people typing keyboard...etc.
How long did you take to get used to your ostomy?
I commute by train, and sometimes trains are packed. Can I still commute by train? I am also scared about the blockage. The bad thing is I am still single, and it may be very hard to date, having illeostomy?
Compared to the last year where I was extremely malnourished, now I am fine and not loosing that much weight (gained back some).
Once I get the surgery and an illeostomy, how long would I have to be out of work (I commute 1hr each way by train)? I dont know if I would be able to stand with a stoma in a packed train.
If I need to fly for a business trip to overseas for long distance flight, would I be able to do that?
For those of you with J-pouch, how long did you take to get to the point to the BMs to be stablized? How many times do you go to bathrooms, do you have leaks at night? Do you have to be on a strict diet, or do you have to have dinner early at night? I work long hours and I have to work till 8 p.m. sometimes... I know for J-pouch there is always a risk of failure, how long would that take to put me back on an illeostomy in case I develop chronic pouchititus, fistulas...? How long do I have to be hospitalized for that? Has anyone here experienced J-pouch failure, and if they go back to illeostomy how long did you have to take off work?
Sorry for so many questions.
I am seeing a surgent next week, and I really am worried what to expect. I would like to know what to expect from actual people who experienced UC, illeostomy or complications. I may loose a job because of UC...I am so worried about this. Have you felt the same way as I am feeling right now? I mean I am not married, nor has someone to take care of me, really. I feel like why me right now at this time, why this disease? A sigh.
Also if anyone has advice on what to ask a surgant regarding UC treatment?
Thank you so much for your time in advance.

I'm working towards the j-pouch but for now I have a temporary ileostomy. I don't know if I will ever feel totally "used to" the ileostomy (I am having three step surgery so I expect to have an ileostomy for a total of about six months) but I am pretty comfortable with it now (almost five weeks post-op). I'll be returning to work next week (six weeks post-op).

In terms of "stoma noise," I'll be doing what I can to minimize it at the office (avoiding foods that I know make me gassy like veggies and eggs, and making sure to snack throughout the day because I get gassy if I don't eat), but I find that if I'm wearing one or two layers of clothing over the stoma, often I'm the only person in the room who hears the noises (probably because I can also 'feel' it).

Regarding dating, I plan to date while I have my ostomy, and I think there are plenty of people on this board who have. I am much more able to date now with my ostomy than when I was incontinent and homebound from severe UC!! Besides, now that I'm no longer immunocompromised, I don't have to be terrified of kissing someone and possibly catching a cold :)

Are you in the US? You may be protected from being let go for UC. I don't know the details of the law but hopefully someone else can drop in and comment who knows better.

The rate of pouchitis is 50% at the 10 year mark. In other words, 50% of people with j-pouches will have at least one bout of pouchitis by the time they've had their pouch for 10 years. So it's kind of a glass half empty/glass half full sort of thing... 50% odds of being antibiotic free for *10 years* sounds pretty good to me. The rate of chronic pouchitis, the kind that requires long term antibiotic use, is much much lower.

You will definitely be able to fly with your ostomy or j-pouch. As for commuting with an ostomy, I'll admit I am also a little hesitant to ride on a packed train with mine, because it's so delicate and I've definitely been poked and shoved on the train in the past. Maybe someone who has more experience with their ostomy can comment.

Hope this helps!

     I have a permanent ileo.  I was almost 64 yrs old when I had the surgery and was not a candidate for j-pouch due to other health issues...uncontrollable high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes...all due to dependence on prednisone for two years straight.  I was also on prednisone more often than not during the twelve yrs I suffered with UP.

     I can do anything and go anywhere with the ileo.  The only time it makes "fart" noises is following a meal in which I eat very gaseus foods, i.e. brussel sprouts and tonight I ate pork and sauerkraut..lol.  However, I am home tonight and really don't care if I have gas or not. 

     You will not have to worry about odor with the ileo because there are deodorizing drops you put in the bag upon emptying it.  I only have to empty about four times a day.

     I cannot answer your question about dating since I have been married to the same man going on 44 yrs this May.  He has never left my side and the ileo does not bother him one bit.  Perhaps this is unusual but for those in love, things like this make not one bit of difference.  He saw me suffering and actually encouraged me to have the surgery.  I have not one regret...oh yes...I do....not having the surgery earlier.

Dating is definitely possible! I read a lot of blogs written by people who got j-pouches and temporary ileostomies before I had my surgery and I can think of several women off the top of my head who started new relationships while they had the ileostomy, and even a few who had one night stands :-D I think attitude is everything, if you can say "yup, that's my stoma, it saved my life" and not feel ashamed about it, other people will follow your lead.