new ileostomy patient... i have tooons of questions, please help if possible! :)

I had surgery 2/28/2015 and had a foot of my intestines taken out and now have an ileostomy thanks to my crohns disease, and i have soo many questions so if anyone can help i would be greatly appreciated!!! :)
first off, my stoma is 1 1/8 (just measured yesterday), i have a oval shaped stoma, located under bend line, protruding. i use all hollister products but i just recently went on several different websites to recievefree samples to see if i like a different brand, i use the 2 piece drainable pouches with a filter, barrier rings, and powder.

1.) i have sores all over and around my stoma that are very painful and i use the rings and powder to protect them but they still get wet because i have a lot of output and after a couple of days my stoma stings so badly for a couple of minutes that im afraid to move. is there anything i can use that will help this and is there something im missing?

2.) after you empty your bag, do you fill the bag up with water to get all the remaining flakes or output that are on the bag to remove them without taking the bag off? is this ok to do or dont you recommend doing this?

3.) what steps do you take when you clean your stoma with your appliance on and off?

4.) do you get up at night atleast once to empty it and is there a trick for not getting up to empty your bag at night?

5.) im always afraid im going to have a blowout or drainage that causes a bad leak, is there anything i can use that will secure everything or makes me feel like everything is fine?

6.) i have high output and its all liquidy so i have to empty it constantly, is there anything i can take in pill form thats not a prescription?

7.)this is a personal female question... i am now single after dating a man for 6 years and im still embarrassed about having an ostomy, how do i tell someone about this and how long should i wait?

8.) i want to start playing softball again and what does all the athletic ostomy people use and what works the best. im looking for everything aka bags, wafers, skin barriers, EVERYTHING! :)

9.) ive had a leak before but luckily i was at my appointment with my ostomy nurse. what do you do when you have a really bad leak when your out and about, any suggestions to do this discreatly so no onenotices?

10.) sometimes my stoma likes to be very "talkative" as i put it, what do you do when this happens and your at work or out and about? any suggestions or tips are great

thats all my questions for now im sure and any suggestions or tips would be sooo amazing! i am looking for any help since this is all new to me and im so happy that this website helps me

thanks soo much
jess

1.) Best person to get advice from about sores under your wafer/around stoma is a WOCN nurse, or stoma nurse. Someone who can show you how to use products and suggest different ideas. It's hard to explain online, though you can look up bag change videos on YouTube. I actually have one posted on there. hehe.

2.) I used to use a squirt bottle to wash away the rest of the bits and pieces of my bag... but kinda stopped doing it after the first month and havent since.

3.) again with cleaning stoma best to check videos online or talk to a nurse. though I'm not sure what you mean by cleaning your stoma with your appliance on? I use a two piece drainable for my ileostomy and I rarely find a reason to pop the bag off and inspect just my stoma. I use clear bags though so if I wanna look at Beefers (stoma name) I can through the bag.

4.) For the first couple months I got up once a night to empty. On average I get up 3-4 times a week while sleeping to stand up and burp my bag. I don't use a filter bag, but after a few hours of sleep the filters are clogged and dont work anyways. If I had a filter bag that worked throughout the night I would probably not need to get up at all.

5.) As far as leaks and worrying go - once you get used to it, you realize its pretty impossible to have a leak. I've had two blowouts (poop getting under the wafer and pushing under and out) from very thick stool and laying on my back for a while not noticing the thickness of the output. Last week was my first time a bag was faulty and I had a leak near the drainage opening. Luckily I was wearing a bag cover and just stuffed from TP at the bottom for the leak to soak in to until I could get home.

6.) You can find online types of foods that will thicken up your output. Fiber is good for that. I know wat first I was drinking so much liquids from being used to it from being sick and then also worrying that I would get dehydrated easily. Find a chart online or in your information packet you were hopefully sent home from the hospital with.

7.) Dating is weird... generally I talk about having been ill and now I am better pretty easily. I'm very open about having been sick. I even mention that I had two surgeries. But unless a guy asks me "what kind of surgery did you have" I really don't mention it. After a few dates it just kind of comes up. I don't want to tell them right away - because I want them to get to know me for me and not just for my poop bag. Amazingly a lot of the guys I've met really don't care... which is pretty awesome!

8.) Once you find a system (bag/wafer/barrier) that works for you, you should be able to comfortably play most sports. My stoma is not very long so I have no ideas with pretty much anything. The only thing to worry about is hernias. I would suggest looking online for more information about avoid hernias with an ileostomy. If you have a prolapsed or long stoma that sticks out from your skin pretty far, you may need to find a way to protect it. Again - I've read about it online just can't think of what it is or how to go about it.

9.) With my recent bag leak I felt it before I saw it. I tend to touch my bag here and there throughout the day. I dunno why... maybe to make sure it's not too full... but that's how I noticed it was moist. I just kept my hand down by my bag and excused myself to the bathroom. Luckily I keep a kit in my car so I can change bags/wafer&bag pretty easily and discreetly enough. Though with both the bag leak and the couple times I've blown out - I did not notice from smell. It felt weird/wrong but I didnt get a huge wiff of poo smell or anything. So that helps with being discreet. Even if it does smell a little, its no different than if someone farted :)

10.) Beefers is a sassy stoma. He is rarely loud, unless someone is at ear level with my abdomen or a room has suddenly gotten quiet and all attention is on me. Such a sass!!! I notice if I don't eat as much as I should throughout the day he'll start blowing foamy bubbles and making fart noises until I satisfy his hunger again! lol.

Life with an ileostomy becomes oddly very VERY normal.... for most people. I just turned 29 and have had mine for 9 months. I love it! I love having my life back. Just takes a little getting used to with the quirks of having one. Like the bag leaking from the end the other day - totally blew my mind. lol.