I don't think the UC board is necessarily the wrong place to post, but you have to consider that the people there are 100% trying to avoid surgery at any cost (most of them anyway). When you say you're considering a perm ileo, it's their goal to talk you out of it (many of them - but not all). It can be frustrating to post there and to get that type of response when you're looking for support in moving forward, especially when coming to terms with surgery as the best solution, is hard enough for the individual them self to accept. When I decided surgery was my best option, I didn't post it on the UC board because I didn't want a bunch of people telling me to try cactus juice and eating poo. I know there are loads of very supportive people, but push-back was the last thing i needed at the time...
As for dating, I like lookingforward's story. I would imagine, when you find the right person, they won't care if you have an ileostomy. At the same time, I've heard some pretty odd perspectives on ostomys from people who know nothing about
them, so I understand that there is generally a negative perspective out there in the public. I don't know how i would have felt about
dating with the ileo, but I can't imagine it would have been too much worse than saying I had IBD or that I couldn't go anywhere because I needed to be next to the toilet all the time. Now that I am reconnected, I have a lot of the same fears. I worry if I were dating, I have scars. I go to the toilet more often. I imagine the struggle of explaining the past would be difficult, but I would rather explain the past, then be chained to the toilet.
Check this group out, I am not a member but I remember when I was struggling with UC and surgery, I saw people talking about
it:
/www.facebook.com/groups/423797604407425/. Since being done with surgery, I stopped participating in groups. I only participate here on HW.