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Posted 5/15/2008 10:42 PM (GMT 0)
Greetings to you all,

I have not been around much for some time now.  Too many guys less fortunate than I, feeling guilty for being so lucky.  Just too much raw emotion and I am tired of it.  I couldn't even participate in the tribute to Swim a couple of weeks ago.  Just weak, I guess. 

Well, I got my one year after radiation PSA results a couple of weeks ago.  It had doubled in six months - from 0.8 to 1.6.  Not only that, but it disqualified me from renewing my FAA medical certificate which expires this month. 

Today I met with my urologist and had another PSA test.  My uro assured me that the chances of a metastatis are nil and that while it's possible that the radiation didn't get all the cancer, that is highly unlikely.  He told of several things that could cause the PSA rise and that cancer was unlikely to be one of them. 

To make this short and sweet, today's PSA was a 1.1.  The most immediate issue is that I once again qualify for my medical certificate.  Will jump through a few hoops, but that's ok.

I'll be back later with thoughts and emotions from myself, bride, and family.

Regards,

Bill

Posted 5/15/2008 11:01 PM (GMT 0)
Bill, let’s just hope that it’s a PSA bounce.
It’s great news that you will still have you Wings.
I will keep you in my thoughts.
Posted 5/15/2008 11:11 PM (GMT 0)
Oh Bill! I can't begin to imagine how you felt when it hit 1.6. I'm sooo happy it's back down now.

When you get a chance, how about calling me?

-Bro
Posted 5/15/2008 11:11 PM (GMT 0)

Bill

You dont have to feel guilty or sorry about anything.  You are not alone with your feelings,  I have found it most difficult at times to read posts here, sometimes having to wipe the tears from my eyes.  I find the courage of you young guys amazing and I am not sure I could have handled this in my 40s.  Having to deal not only with this disease but with family, often to include kids, and a career.  I want you to know you will be in my prayer.

Hang in brother and get the guilty monkey off your back.

Richard yeah tongue yeah

Posted 5/15/2008 11:22 PM (GMT 0)
It's good to know you're okay. This is a stinkin difficult disease - I hate it. But I love the people I've met here. My husband doesn't post but wants to know about everyone and how they are. There are times something you've said has helped him and you don't even know it!

I'm glad you continue to have your wings - you deserve to soar.

All the best to you & your famlily,
Susan
Posted 5/16/2008 12:07 AM (GMT 0)
Guilt? No way! There are many times that the constant research, reading of articles and yes, even posting and reading posts, gets us down and at one time or another we all become sick and tired of dealing with anything to do with PCa. But we all bounce back anew and continue the battle as well as offering and seeking information and support. This is what makes this site and all the people here so great.
Bill
Posted 5/16/2008 1:59 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Bill,
As of now, you have conrtibuted 521 posts at this site. 521 times you have stepped up and told your story, laughed with us, probably cried with us, and absolutely supported us. Don't feel too bad. OK, I have late stage 3 cancer and you didn't. But you helped me. Many times you have. And thank you.

You just might have had a bout of PSA bounce. At least that is what I will Hope for. You have my fullest thoughts and prayers. Hopefully you will get you physical done and stay in the air. You guys up front of those birds are amazing to me. We need you back in the air for a few more years.

Take care and stick around. You are most welcome.

Tony
Posted 5/16/2008 2:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Jet, Glad to hear from you. I hope things get better and you get your wings back on soon.
Take Care,
KW
Posted 5/16/2008 2:01 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Bill,

Thanks for updating us. We are all here for you just like you were here for so many when I was a newbie. That day we talked on the phone was one of the highlights of my early recovery. Your voice was full of enthusiasm and hope and I knew that was the attitude I needed to adopt. Friends that care for us and are willing to share their experience, strength and hope are the mainstay of successful recovery. Thank you my good friend.

There was a pilot that used to tell me to "keep my mach up!". Remember him? Lets get well together...

Jim
Posted 5/16/2008 2:49 AM (GMT 0)
Bill/Jet,

Guilt is for those you don't talk about this journey against cancer. It's for those who lay down and let it run them over. From reading your posts it sounds like you've neither. Jump through the hoops and keep flying.

All the best to you & your famlily,

Roger
Posted 5/16/2008 3:06 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Bill. I am sorry to hear about the PSA. I know things will be fine and you can continue flying and be with your grandbaby. Dale and I will be praying for you.

Mika
Posted 5/16/2008 4:40 AM (GMT 0)
Dear All,

My wonderful grandson, William the Younger, still greets me each morning. His mom brings him to the curb and when he sees me he squeals with delight. And yells gandan, or dangan, or what ever passes for granddad. His eyes light up and he squirms and jumps into my arms. He hates it when I kiss and hug him, so I don't do it too much. Sometimes we mess around outside and sometimes we go right in the house. When I buy him a chocolate milk at Starbucks and hold the straw between my fingers so he won't poke his mouth with it, it's like getting a soft sweet baby kiss on my fingers. He hangs on to my finger when we cross the street. I let him stomp his feet in puddles and don't care if he gets wet, or dirty. I buy him ice cream and don't tell his mom and dad.

My strong, stiff upper lip bride of these many years cried when my PSA went up. She never did when I was diagnosed, or during my treatment. She was afraid. I was sorrowful when I thought the worst.

Perhaps the worst is not to be at this time. It will be at some time, but maybe not now. I get more finger kisses from my grandson. And more triple chocolate ice cream. Lucky me. Oh, how lucky me.

Bill
Posted 5/16/2008 12:12 PM (GMT 0)
Bill (Our Jetguy),
Don't ever, EVER feel bad about sharing your thoughts and feelings with us all! Hopefully the 1.6 was just a PSA glitch. The fact that it's back down a bit is a good sign of that. Grandchildren are an awfully good reason not to give up, aren't they? I live for the moments when a hug, or a "Hi Grampa," or even a smile from one of them reminds me of just how lucky I truly am! Keep jumping through those FAA hoops, and we will all soar with you!
Best,
Mike
Posted 5/16/2008 2:40 PM (GMT 0)
JetGuy-
There are times that I often ask "why", but I think I can speak on behalf of everyone when I say that I would never wish worse for anyone else. There are so many emotions that come with this horrible disease, but guilt should never be one of them. I am so happy to hear other success stories. They give me hope. Isn't that what we all need. You give us hope, this morning you gave me tears when I read your post about your grandson. My son turned 7 months this week and we are going to see Grandma and Grandpa on Wednesday. I can't wait! Enjoy your kisses and ice cream cones and look forward to graduation and weddings, but don't ever feel guilty. God Bless!

Doting
Posted 5/16/2008 2:46 PM (GMT 0)
Bill

I remember you being there when I first found this sight and prividing information and support so don't feel bad it's been a while you have provided much and still do. You will be in my thoughts and prayers that you just had a freak PSA reading and it's now headed in the direction we all hope for.

Take care
Norskie
Posted 5/17/2008 1:39 AM (GMT 0)
Bill,
We are all in this together, so please don't feel quilty. I think we all go through a mix of emotions but guilt should never be one of them. We all have our challenges and it effects each one of us differently. I have gathered strenght from the members of this board and pray you will too. It sounds as if you have been a great help to many. Your post about your grandson touched my heart. So beautifully written. Our grandaughter was here yesterday and brought me much joy and happiness. They are truly blessings to us. Stay positive and let the love of your family bring you through this difficult time. I am praying you had a temporary set back in the PSA score. My hubby also a fly guy but now retired due to age 60 rule. Considered corporate flying but chose part time teaching in simulators instead. Hope you get good results from the FAA. My brother is in the process now after an angioplasty and 6 months not flying. Seems to be a process but usually with the desired results. I hope you will regain your medical and be up and flying soon. Meanwhile, enjoy that grandbaby and know we are all praying for you. Nancy
Posted 5/17/2008 12:45 PM (GMT 0)
Bill, I just recently my post-brachy PSA results and they were higher than I'd counted on. After getting over my chagrin, I thought "PSA bounce" and googled it. The first hit told me that those who experience the bounce within the first two years after radiation have a statistically greater chance of the cancer not returning. They suggested that it derived from dying cancer cells. Take heart...it made my day to read it.
Posted 5/17/2008 1:11 PM (GMT 0)
Bill that is the beauty of this forum, we can share how we feel, whether good or bad and it is ok. Glad to hear the second PSA is down, and you qualify for FAA, that is important in your life. God is shining his blessings down on you. Please spread the love and continue to find hope and inspiration thru friends and family and God.

peace and love
dale
Posted 5/21/2008 10:51 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Fine People,

Many, many thanks for your kind and thoughtful responses.  My PSA dropped enough on a subsequent test that I passed my FAA physical exam today.  I guess that means that I'll live for another year!  Of course, it also means that I'm leaving Friday on a five day trip. 

Regards and much gratitude for your concern,

Bill

Posted 5/21/2008 11:09 PM (GMT 0)
Bill-

Since I don't see myself being able to stop going to Houston anytime soon, you'd better live for more than "another year". Get my drift?

-Les
Posted 5/21/2008 11:50 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Bill

Great news. Glad to hear about the flight physical.  Let me know when you get back to North Carolina. 

Mika

Posted 5/21/2008 11:52 PM (GMT 0)
   Dear Bill *Our Jetguy,   ♫   Though you cannot always see the bird singing, if you listen with your heart, you can always hear her song.   ♫   This is truer than I could ever imagine…. You are deep within our hearts!   You reached out and we reached back.   You’ve given us sooo much and the emotions that you so willingly share ~ allows others to open up and know that they too can put everything out on the table and someone will reach out!   We have traveled this path “holding hands”… and no matter where we are… “all of us”… that closeness will never go away.   You   *Our Jetguy….touched our lives deeply.   Every plane in the sky is “Jetguy”… and we think of you!   Even the little one today that passed overhead while playing in my new garden… I looked up and smiled and said… “I’m thinking of you ~ Jetguy”!!!!   I missed this thread and Mika sent a note to let me know you’d posted!   That truly told me that it was time…     I have happy tears typing this because I know you are okay!!! Your postings tell me that you are continuing to move forward and as Gordy said above….   Bill- Since I don't see myself being able to stop going to Houston anytime soon, you'd better live for more than "another year". Get my drift? -Les   Reminds me last year when my 90 year-old uncle said, “ I hope I make it to September.   I told him point blank… “You darn well better make it to September because my plane tickets are already paid for!!!!”   He’s still going strong! And we had a wonderful visit and plan to do it again this year in September….   Hugs to Jan and William David “William the Younger”…   I’m shaking my head because it seems like yesterday he was a month old and you and Jan were celebrating your 37 th anniversary.   This was back in November 2006…. Now move forward to May 2008… (the past 5 months have been a blurrrr) do will take time to let things slow down.   I love your message above about your time will William… they truly are special times and ones that you will hold dear to your heart each and every day.   We are not promised tomorrow… so enjoy each breath, each second, each minute, each hour, each day, each month, each year…………. and live it like there’s no tomorrow!   I love you (I don’t say this lightly as you know!!) and I’m so happy to see that you continue to step on the HealingWell stepping-stone…   It’s important for you and for all our members…   Sharing is Caring and Caring is what HealingWell is all about .   I’ll sign-off for now dear friend ~ but I will stay close !   Hugs from Lee & her Buddy and Murphy too!!!!!
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