below zero libido

I do not post many topics, but this one i feel as though I should, Now that I am one year into a two year Lupron run, my libido is sub zero, or should I say non existence. It is so low I can't even think about sex, my question to the men and women of the forum is this. Does this ever come back? I mean I realize that at my level of cancer that it is probably unlikely that I will ever be treatment free, but for my wife's sake I feel as though I owe her some affection. Any input would be helpful. I suppose this could be taken funny as well as serious.

peace and love

Dale

Dale,

Brother, I know from where you speak. Anyone who finds humor in your post can only be called callous.  I face at least 2 years of hormone therapy unless somewhere along the road my Lord deems that enough is enough and I am allowed to stop.  I want you to know that it is not just PCa that can cause a man the problems we face.  The affects of medication for high blood pressure can as well.  I have a wife who is 20 years my junior so I believe that we can relate to those here who are in their 40s and 50s and face this delima.  I have no words of wisdom. I have only my prayers for you and anyone who suffers this fate. I hope that somewhere along the road of life I can provide my honey something that might be missing from what many consider a normal married life. There are many way to show your love for someone you love deeply. True love is not a shallow thing but something that is deep inside each of us.  The act of holding her in your arms and letting her know the deepest feelings in your soul can replace much of what you think your missing. Please do not sell your loved one short.  She may have an inter strength that you are not even aware of.  Never stop letting her know that with every fiber of your being that is pysically capable you love her.

Richard

I know, Dale, David,
It's hard to talk about yet a reality for a couple 'o forty-six year olds here and a soon to be. Also after a year and a couple months on Lupron, Ruth and I thrive on love and giving to each other. We do miss the physical aspect, and we tried everything, but it is what it is. This is serious as it is also depressing. I can't speak if it ever comes back. It hasn't. And my treatments continue too. What a day yesterday would have been if I knew what today was. 

Peace.

Tony

Dear Dale,
I can speak from the other side....the wife. Pete and I have been married for many happy years with lots of good sex before Pca. I am ten years younger than he is. He was on lupron for one year five years ago.....Yes, about three months after he stopped taking it, his libido began to come back...He tried all the pills and shot and pump....He was just beginning to get erections and we were very hopeful...Unfortunately, his PSA began to rise, so he had the choice of going back on lupron or have salvage surgery.
Now we both wish he had chosen the lupron. The doctor told him of the side effects of the surgery after he had had the radiation before, but we were thinking that the operation would be better than the lupron. How wrong we were. Dealing with total incontinence and no chance of intercourse now.....But, I love him so much, and we have many years of great history.....He constantly tells me how much he loves me, and that I am pretty, and that if he dies, I should remarry and that I deserve more, and things like that. I cant even tell you how much that means to me. Women dont need to have sex to be happy. No one ever died from lack of sex. I try to be cheerful and find that when I try to be cheerful, I am. I also am an artist. I have a love of painting and of course our children and grandchildren. Women have much more to think about than sex. I am sure that your wife loves you and understands and also is sad for you ...She isnt sad for herself.... Just hold her and give her orgasms without your you know what.. You are still her MAN! Best of luck and we all understand. Di

Tony, I really understand. I know that your wife understands what you are going through even though you can't imagine that she does. You have your youth on your side. I believe you will get back everything in full. I like what you have at the bottom of your posts: STAY POSITIVE! Di

I thought twice about writing this but figuring you can all relate I decided to anyway. After reading all of these posts, I started to cry. I couldn't figure out why it was hitting me so hard. Then Kent said that the day before his surgery and the last time were able to make love, that I cried afterwards. He said I knew in my heart what life was going to have in store. The next day the surgery wasn't until 1:30 and he wanted to make love again before we went. I was scared and wouldn't because I stupidly (word?) thought it would affect the surgery in some way. I wish I had that time back. I don't know why I would deny both of us. Just naive I guess.
As you can see by my signuture that things are trying to come back but it will still be a long road before we can have traditional sex again. I don't care, just sometimes gets to me, I guess. I know so many of you do not even have that and it hurts to know this. I just want you all to know I think of you all the time and wish you all the best in all recovery.

C

Thank you, Dale...here I go again...the waterworks are flowing tonight.

Wasn't sure whether I was going to reply, but here I am. I am 17 years younger than my husband and we've been together for almost 4 years. When my husband was diagnosed with advanced PCa, we made a road from Phoenix to Lake Tahoe and got married in Las Vegas. We knew from that he would be on Lupron for an indefinite period and that his libido would be reduced to below zero. In the beginning, viagra worked all right but later on it didn't work that well. The latter was a bigger problem for my husband than for me. Frankly, I have never thought of not having sex as an 'issue'. It is simply the way it is, and I really don't think about it a lot. We're closer than ever, share emotions easily and try to be as 'touchy' as we can. At the end of the day, intimacy is worth much more than sex. Dutchy

My husband has been on Lupron since diagnosis and has since been diagnosed with a second cancer that has caused intense pain throughout his body. I have changed his dressings on his nephronomy(sp?) tubes and held his bags as he showers. This past week he spent 8 days in the hospital with complications  (bowel impactions) and with incredible pain. I rubbed his feet and legs for hours to help distract him from the pain. Although it has been a while since we have had sex and we will never have intercourse again, I feel we have become far more intimate in the past 4 months than in the 30 years we have been enjoying sex. I can remember the last time we had sex and I cherish the memory, but I now enjoy every moment I have with him with a deep understanding of passion and love. In many ways, rubbing his feet has expressed my love for him far more than intercourse ever could. I am 13 years younger than Larry and at times he worries about me not getting my fair share (sex) but I hope he understands that the touch of his hand or the sound of his voice are far more important in the grand scheme of things.

I don't want to sound insensitive to those who are battling ED--for I truly feel for you all, but life without sex is far better than no life at all.

GB,

Karen

Listen, all of you, I know exactly how it is....I remember the last time we made love...Jan 12 2001...It is amazing that right after, I thought, "This may be the last time" because Pete went on Lupron two weeks before... But, as sad as it is, (and I have tears now,) I am so happy that Pete is still with me. That is what women think...We just want you guys with us.....! Today he wore the clamp for 3 hours, getting ready for the AUS operation in a month or so...It is painful, and I don't think the doctors really understand when they do all these treatments about the outcomes emotionally for the guys and their families...Pete says that the doctors should have to wear a clamp for a few hours before they recommend them..! Probably true...We had a very good talk tonight, I think because of the posts here. Thank you to VaFan,Dutchy, Tony.LV, Livingadream,Piano, and SmilingOldcoot,FLHW...You guys are in the trenches... xxDi

Tony,

I'll take as many "and more" as possible! Thank you.

GB,

Karen

well, after reading these posts, I am so touched by what everyone has gone through. I've always told Jeff that sex is more than intercourse, but he's always had a hard time convincing himself of that. I'm not sure if he would think differently if things would have worked out differently for him. I almost didn't reply because it seems to be a bit trifle, but I just wanted to let you know that you've all touched me today and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. kat

Such wonderful people here. Hi Kat! Your thoughts and prayers are most welcome.

Tony