post-op pain, issues with partner understanding

I just had a prostatectomy along with an umbiliical hernia repair on 11/05/08. We are very pleased that I am clear of cancer at this point, no circulatory or lymph metastisis found on path. report. I had a very painful recovery process after my surgery with some horrible bladder spasms as soon as I woke up from surgery and through the next day or two, along with some serious gas pain.  I had to have a lot of morphine injections during the first two days.  I got off of those quickly so that I could give my colon a chance to wake up, and also off of the suppositories and as much as possible the detrol l.a. and decreased the oral ms contin I was taking as well.  I did a lot of walking and everything I could to recover faster, but it took four and a half days before my ileum woke up enough to pass any gas at all.  Six days and on the sixth night I was discharged, but I have continued to have pain at the astamosis site, and feel pain a lot in the testicles as well.  It seems I have had some bladder infection continuing also, and even after two rounds of antibiotics, I will soon be taking a third.  Complicating my issues further, I was in a bad auto accident day before yesterday, in which my car was hit hard from the side, and spun it around 360 plus degrees.  I was able to get out of my truck but really felt my guts slam around a lot. The hospital said that there was no internal damage after theh cat scan was checked.  Mostly the same pains down low continue, and I feel that my girlfriend doesn't understand.  She has blogs and posts where people recovered faster, and I think she feels like im being a baby, and yet I have already returned to work a couple of days. I have no way to drive a car now though, as it was probably totaled, this after a bad flip over wreck when she was driving my truck last summer.  I also feel that she is somewhat uncomfortable being in bed with me as I have a slight amount of urine leakage if we try anything manually, and on only one night I had incontinence on the bed which i think was caused by ambien, since I had no urine on my clothing but all over the bed!  Luckily she wasn't sleeping in it.  Please advise on how I can help her to understand my pain better.  Also, I am nearly completely continent just a few small leaks now and then, using only one pad a day, if even that.  Female pantiliners seem more appropriate given the small dribbles. I have stopped kegels for now as my P.T. said don't do them with pain.  I did them pre surgery which helped a lot I believe. 

Dear Dragon, First of all....I would lose that girlfriend.....With friends like her, you won't recover as well.......Next, and more importantly, because you probably wont follow my first advice....... (although you should), With all of the antibiotics you have been taking, your intestines probably dont have the good bacteria that they need to work well. Your colon needs the good bacteria. Get some Probiotics 10 from the health food store. You will be surprised within a few days, your gut will calm down, and that will give you much relief.

You have been through major surgery.....you need to realize it takes almost a year to get back to normal after surgery. Little by little you will be getting and feeling better....Pat yourself on the back. Congratulations on your strength and also being free of the cancer... and...think about my first sentence......Diane

You are right swimmom....I went for a walk and thought it was a little harsh! Sorry Dragon... you have been through a lot...The accident was the worst. Things will get better....Diane

Hi Dragon, the issues that we all have post op can be difficult emotionally and physically, it takes the body a long time to settle down, the relationship with your partner will also settle I think, she is also in unfamiliar territory, it is difficult to cope with life changes that have occurred as a result of the surgery. It has been 17months since my surgery, in that time I have wet the bed 3 times in the middle of the night, which was hard on my wife having to wake up and change the bed, all sorts of things have happened, bowel probs, etc etc.

It takes a long time to start feeling more like your old self, which is where I am now, thankfully, so be patient my friend, after a period of time I am sure you also will reach that place.

Best regards Mal.

Thanks to all of you that replied to my post.  I appreciate very much all that was said and the encouragement you gave me, Diane's included.  It takes a lot from a couple to get through these times, I went through a girlfriend having a female cancer in her early thirties before, which happened about thirteen years ago.  I am doing the best I can, and sometimes doing the best you can doesn't seem to be enough.  I am out of money and can't get work at the hospital where I make most of my money until I am completely off of light duty, which will be in a few weeks hopefully. No income from the month of November except for about 80 bucks for one shift worked at a sub job.  I will be working overnight tonight at a blind school, where I have to take every shift I can.  I do hope I can work without overdoing it, but I have little choice in the matter.  Having fibromaylgia, back and neck and related pain from that doesn't help any, and probably is causing further pain related to my bladder.  Also I already take ms contin for my chronic pain, which can contribute to more constipation.  I only take one third or two thirds at the most of what my pain management doc told me to take post surgery, as otherwise I am afraid I will go the unfortunate way of the late Great Elvis.  I seriously misread the sunny forecasts that many gave me, this was very intense surgery for me, perhaps having very painful bilateral inguinal hernia repairs in the past should have been the best indicator, and in fact that one may have added to the pain I have now, from previous scar tissue, etc.  I will try that probiotic, Diane, great idea.  I think maybe its a good idea to advise others to drive as little as possible after surgery, its just difficult and I started driving after a week and a half, just out of necessity.  I do try to be a good patient, honest!  I wondered, someone said something in a post about avoiding erections for a while, is this something that should be avoided for a certain number of weeks?  I know that intercourse should be until six weeks or later, but im not sure about the other stuff.  I want to do whatever is best for the long term lack of ED outcomes.  Thanks again, you all are great!

Dragon, this is no easy thing we have been through. The surgery itself is major, along with that the jolt from the accident, no wonder you are sore and having pain. It takes a tremendous amount of perseverance to get through this, esp as a couple. My wife was an angel, very understanding and patient. Recovery from the surgery takes different amounts of time for all of us, don't rush it, and don't feel like you are being a baby, these are major issues you are dealing with, but for the most part will pass in time. Please use this board to learn from, share with others your concerns, and help you find ways to deal with issues as they arise. Nothing is too small or insignificant to seek guidance for, we have all been there. I find great solace here, and chances are any problem you encounter, someone here has dealt with that also. Good Luck, you will get through this, it will test you in many ways, and your partner will have to understand that this is not something we chose to have, but you are still the same person, just with some temporary issues.

Randy