I am so Jealous

I come to hw many times a day. I come to post, to encourage, and to be encouraged. I come here for the good people and the positive outlook. Sometimes when I come here I get really angry. I want to be part of the zero club. I want to have surgery and maybe have the dribbles and the limpys for a while but be able to have some comfort that my psa is undetectable. I am so pissed off that I am 45 years old and have a hard time planning for my future. I dont even know if I should keep putting money into my 401k. What is the point. You dont find sites that say (bone and soft tissue matasticies and still living after 30 years.) God who cares if I ever have an erection again. Who cares if I wet my pants. Please let me be here to wet my pants.  Doctors talk about weeks and months. Rarely do they say years. I was just telling tony how I dont let it get to me and here I am and I cant even see the computer screen. I want to scream. You are so lucky. You caught it early. your going to live a long time. I want to be one of you. I,m sorry I dont mean to be a baby. I just wish so badly to be able to be cured. I just wish I had that posibility. I just returned from a cat scan and they never tell you anything unless there is nothing to worry about and then they say it looked good. They didnt tell me anything. I'm going to drink a beer and cry for a while. Thanks for listening Todd

 P.S.I am so happy and thankful each time one of you posts a zero. I just want to be one of you. I hope you understand

Dear Todd, I hear you. We were in NY yesterday with the urologist....The appointments never solve anything...you just go, and they spend a few minutes listening, but the doctors are busy and rushed, and they don't really know what it is like. The results come back in a week or so in the mail. No doctor calls and says anything...at least we have never had that...You are just left to your own defenses... I understand what you are saying...but, you have your youth on your side. You are strong and you will overcome. Pete had his first psa in 8 months today. I know it wont be a zero, (it was .59 in April...), but we are hoping it won't go up...

Keep your hope alive, and I believe in the Pom! (Pomegrante juice)....Diane

Hi Todd,
Geez, what a difference a couple of hours make!  But it's ok to feel down, you are such a positive guy, you won't be down for long.  about that 401k? Keep saving.  There is some promising trials going on right now.  So keep the faith.  It was nice talking with you on your ride home.  You call any time you like. 

Cheers.

Tony 

Todd you do have a right to be down, but not to stay down. I think one of the best ways we personally have to combat this disease is a positive emotional and spiritual attitude. Just the fact that you expressed your emotions is healthy and indicates to me that you are ready to start living with cancer not dying from cancer. Just remember my friend, things sometimes have to fall apart before they can fall into place. By your own writing it looks to me like your emotions were falling apart, now lets put them into place. Todd I do not know you nor do you know me, however I can say with out a shadow of a doubt that I love and care about you.
Listen keep the communication open, and if you get time send me an email. I would like to chat further.

peace and love
Dale

Todd,
I'm Pat I'm new here I want to say be strong not sure it this going to help but remember you have pc it don't have you. This is what my wonderful wife would say. I now draw my strenght from her She was born with CF and to live only six months. she lived 40 more years. so please Todd fight , and keep fighting remember you have PC PC DOES not have you keep the faith , keep writing get mad, get sad, keep walking forward Pat

Thank you to all of you. I am doing much better this morning. Last night amanda and I and our daughter cuddled on the couch and watched sappy Christmas movies and cried. lol. It was great. clarence got his wings, melisse gilbert found Christmas love and we used a box of tissue. What could be bettr. We fell asleep on the couch. THESE PRECIOUS MOMENTS ARE WHY I FIGHT AND WHY i WILL NEVER GIVE UP.I am typing in the dark. It is 6 am. I slept well.. I mostly do pretty good but every now and then it gets dark. I meant to just post about the cat scan last night. I saw all the new zeros and was happy and then started feeling sorry formyself. I love my new doctor. He came out of retirement to treat me. He is also fightingpca. I trust him and he trustsme. So far in this journey I have been spared doing scans and lots of blood work. Yesterday made it feel far too real. THANK YOU. ALL OF YOU ONCE AGAIN. Todd

Glad you are doing better today. At this point I have little to worry about, but I too, suddenly will have days that are just hard to keep from crying. My wife is always upbeat and says not to worry! Ha! I am one of the world's best worriers so that is not easy to do.....

Kept venting here. We understand! I see you speak with Tony. He certainly is an inspiration to all of us. The ones of us that have been there....done that.... need to support each other. I often find at work when someone asks where I have been and I say PCa surgery, they often will respond with "Oh that kind is no big deal." Well I realize it may be better than others, but it definitely is a big deal.

If you ever need another buddy to talk to, drop me an email and I'll get you a phone number. I don't have the experience Tony and some of the rest have, but I do have a compassionate ear to lend.

Blessing to you for a peaceful and healing weekend and a happy holiday season,

Bill

Todd,
I am really glad to hear you found a doctor you trust and are comfortble with. Your situation is tough enough. Sounds like you have a great family, keep them close.

Take care,
Sam

Hey Living, Sorry you were having a bad day. Just try to keep your head up. I can only imagine how it is to be dealing with the hand you were dealt. It does make the ED and incontinance such a minor issue.
Keep up the fight,
KW