When the wife wants a little

Today my wonderful wife sent me a text message. "make me feel like a woman tonight" Oh boy I can hardly wait. What does she expect me to do. Oh sure I will pop a little blue pill and make it work but I dont even care about sex anymore. I dont desire it I dont need it I really dont want it. My wife does though and there lies the problem. My sweetheart tolerates my pca. She has put up with so much and given up even more. Lupron took away my libido and pca took away my ability to have normal orgasms. She will never have a normal intimate relationship with a man. At least not until I die. So tonight before she gets home I will shower, build a fire, have dinner ready and wine chilled, and be a good husband and take my pill and endure a 4 hour headache to make my wife remember that there is still a portion of the man she married inside this body that probably wont last too many years. I think this is the worst part of pca. It steals the intimacy that a husband and wife share. It steals masculinity. I dont worry too much that I may only live a few more years. I worry that when I do die my wife is going to be alone and wondering why she wasted her best years and got nothing in return. Todd

Tony - you aint gone yet - she will not think her time was wasted.

This is a learning life experience that I didn't want to have - but I'm having it now and will survive it and come out okay on the other side - which I don't want to come anytime soon.

Yep I'm missing that part of our relationship and hoping some of it comes back - maybe a imitrix chaser after the little blue bill to get those brain blood vessels flowing again or a little canadian pill of caffeine codiene and asprin can kill those headaches

Am I sad that part is gone - yes - I'm more sad that my hubbys cancer like yours was not caught sooner and that we aren't going to grow old together.  Now that his bone mets have healed up - and he is feeling better we will investigate getting him some little blue pills - but you know closeness and kindness count for alot.

 

thank you David, Amy, and Andrew. "haw haw, sounds like a country band" thank you as well smc64. I dont know that Amanda will ever say think that but I know she wanted more children and I have heard her cry herself to sleep at night and I know its because she feels unattractive. I feel as though she is wasting her best years even though she may not. I wish she would leave and I pray that she never does. I need her and I love her. I just wish I could make her smile that naughty little smile that use to mean so much that words were never needed.

Hey living1963,
Let's reverse the situation and put yourself in her place. And by that I mean assume she is the one with a cancer................at what point would you think the time with her was wasted. There's your answer right there, at no time. I don't doubt that as you surely do, she counts every single moment as precious. Her "slap and tickle" invitation shows you how much you mean to her. Way to go mate!
Bill

    "...wasted her best years and got nothing in return..."  ????????  Sorry brother, this ain't poetry, it's self pity.......pull yourself up out of that ditch and be the man you are....be the man she married, suck it up!.......Good luck brother...

Todd,
Sorry I didn't call you back today. I would in a few but I am not going to interupt. I fully understand your thoughts. I wrote something similar two years ago. Ruthie and I lost a baby in 1998, the same day we lost my step father to cancer. We agreed to try again, but we waited a while. I was dealing with slight ED when I went in for a check up, our goal was to get the pills and even though we were in or close to our forties, we wanted a baby. Instead we found my cancer. I don't know what to make of these things, but I know this much. As much as I feel deprived of my sex life, I feel the warmth of her love in every other possible way. But inside me, instead of that hoped for one year old baby here today, I still have a bit of a broken heart...

Thank you very much for that beautiful post. I do get it.

Peace and Love to you, Todd. And may God bless you, too.

Tony

Todd,

I hope the discussion is starting to help you. And you know, you get credit for bringing up the topic, and starting the discussion that I feel is helping a lot of us. Folks who have been here a long time are (I think) saying some things for the first time. It all seems supportive, but is it helping you? You are a little younger than a lot of us.

DJ

You too, Todd,
Answer the phone!

Tony

David, You are correct. It was a very nice evening. We have many of those and I am greatful for them. Sometimes we simply have too many of them though. Tonight we may try again. I am not sure at this point however because we have to leave the house @ 5:45 and head to the Mt. Adams gifford pinchot national forest to ride snowmobiles with about 10 other couples.. I try to explain to Amanda that I do want to be with her but I get up at 5:30 every morning and by the time we have dinner clean up and put the daughter to bed it is 9pm and I am exhausted. We need to get away for a weekend and devote the entire time to each other and intimacy. That would be my biggest mistake. Not making time for us time. It was easy when I had testosterone and love making was all I ever thought of but now it is not something I think about and She wonders if I am gay. Too funny in a sick sort of way. Todd

Todd, we mostly believe you aren't gay. lol. Seriously your post made sense to me, and I am sure you wife understands. My wife hates the winter months, even here in SC, we are going to do a nice couple trip in a week or 2 to Charleston on the coast, about 200 miles from where I live, just for us.

It is times like this that I would like to explore our humanness and the grace and love of which we were created. I do however know how that is received here so I will for go it. Todd, just know that I truly feel your emotions and love for your wife. My heart goes out to the both of you. My wife and I are in the same boat and it doesn't get any easier. I will call you early in the week.'

Love you my friend

Dale

Hey Todd,

Your cancer is much more severe than mine but I wonder what you have done so far for your ED.

After surgery I had low testosterone (had been on T injections for 10 years prior) and the ensuing reaction took away my libido. During this time my wife and I discovered different ways to satisfy her. After the low T problem was solved I started using Viagra and L_Arginine. These did not produce a useable erection so I went to injections. I use Trimix now and it always works and stays up longer than I can use it.

I don't know what all problems you Lupron guys face or if injections even work for you but it might be worth asking your doctor.

Jim