How long should a wife wait?

Don't mean to sound selfish, but when should a wife initiate intimacy? Or should I let him make the first move? Maybe you can give me your point of view with this matter. I can tell my husband would like to try something, but i think he's afraid.

He had RR 3 months ago.. Would apprieciate your advice.. thx.. God Bless

My wife waited patiently for me to "return" after my open surgery. Mine was delayed because of being on a catheter for 63 days. Shortly after, we started making up for all the lost time. You two need to do what works best for you. Appreciate you joining us here at HW.

David in SC

Before my surgery, I could get an erection instantly. Now I have permanent ED because all the nerves were severed. I was reluctant to start any sexual advances. I felt like I was damaged goods. I have learned to accept that and my wife is very understanding. We both realize that we can still enjoy intimacy and sex in different ways. Go ahead and make the first move. I he is like me he is probably afraid to go first.

Please forgive me and feel free to remove this if it is too crass:
but honey he has a mouth, tongue, and fingers (and actually academic studies have shown that women have better and longer orgasms with oral and gspot stimlation, rather then with penile penatration, perhaps you can do your own study...and he can add the penile penatration when he feels comfortable) Perhaps a start might be to have him write the alphabet with his tongue...
and if there is always the vibrators (sinclair, passion parties, etc. are good sites on the internet that come in very normal looking packages, I would suggest the one with both clit and gspot stimulation expect to pay about 30-50 bucks)
Ed, you are not damaged goods. Like I said above that women have better orgasms with oral according to the guggenhiem (I know I am misspelling that) institute (they have a marriage and family therapy program that focus on sex therapy with illness especially).

It's time to give it a try snuggleup. Give it a go.

Its a little more than "communicatiion" X 3.  Maybe more like: "open, honest, communication".  After my cath was removed, I remember ********** for over a week every night after she went to bed.  It was like playing with a wet noodle.  Don't remember how we got started back, but it was probably her.

Things arn't doing all that well even now, and over the past three years, I even told her if she needed to step out on me, it was okay.

Diagnosed: Sep/Oct 05 with PSA 6.1

Biopsy: Nov 05  4+2   (first was scheduled in Oct, but I walked out on the doctor.)

Surgery May 06  PSA < 0 ever since  Lathroscopic: prostate was so small, he had difficulty saving nerves on left side

This erection thing has been a roller coaster.  Sometimes Viagra seemed to work, sometimes (3) time I made penetration without it.  Had a couple of near misses with morning erections too.  Tried the injectons (bimix) after the vacume device....wrong answer again.  Doc changed me to trimix.....painful erections.

Went back to the vacume device until recently.  Back on Viagra and bimix.  Improved.  Just wish I could get harder.

Hope this helps.  Good luck.

My wife has waited for me to return to form for over 18 months now. We have snuggled, and we have used many alternative means but it not the same. Both never bundle were supposedly sparred but Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra do nothing other than the side effects.

I DO FEEL like broken goods… Broken goods that will remain broken for another 40 years.

I'm glad to be alive, I'm glad that my PSAs are coming in at zero, but I feel depressed none the less. This is completely irrational considering some of the VERY serious problem some of our colleagues on this board are facing. I can live with my issues.

I have my 18 month follow up next week in Hamilton, and plan to discuss this with him. I hope he can help.

Roger

Hey Snuggle,

Don't give up!!!! Nerve healing takes a long time and there are drugs that can overcome ED in the meantime. My ED PA told us to have sex 4 times in the week after he took out the catheter. Of course that didn't work but it gave us the incentive to try and not be afraid of hurting anything.

After several months of frustration we finally went to Trimix injections. The first ones hurt like the devil because the recommended dosage was way too much. Each guy is different and this is one area where "one size fits all" medicine just doesn't work. We could have sex the good old fashioned way but it was not very pleasant. I experimented with various combinations of Viagra (from ADC) and Trimix for the next few weeks before I hit on the combination that works best for us. It works!!!! Sex is better than ever because we go till we want to quit instead of just quitting when I'm done.

Good luck girl....

Jim

Thanks all for your insight into this sensitive matter. My husband and I are fortunate to have a loving caring relationship where we can talk about anything and everything under the sun.Unfortunately, for some reason I needed to confer with my extened family in knowing that i wouldn't hurt his feelings if things didn't work. Anyhow, tried but he ended up  not getting an erection,and getting an orgasm where urine came out. Is this a normal part of the healing process? Will things get better? Thanks All

Sometimes the right time to talk is at a neutral time -- when there is no expectation that something will happen right now. Make a simple plan in the morning, talk about it during the day. Go back to being young -- you don't have to "hit a home run" on the first date.

Thanks all for your input. Unfourtuntely, We tried, but he ended up having a weak orgasm without an erection. A bit of urine seeped out, and that was it. Has this happened to you? Need reassurance..Is there hop? Bless all of you,, TC