Need help dealing with surgery results

I am looking for a support/discussion group that deals with prostate issues and hope this is it. My prostate

problem was non-cancerous but the affects of the surgery are similar to a person who has had treatment for prostate cancer.

about 18-months ago, I had surgery to relieve a frequent urination problem. The Dr told me that my prostate

was restricting my urethra causinig my bladder to over-work. The excessive force needed essentially caused my bladder to become more sensitive and signal the need to go more often. The surgery involved going up my

urethra and burning the inside of my prostate with a laser. The removal of the inside portion of the prostate

was to reduce the restriction and make urination easier. Sounds simple enough, however, if the doctor had bothered to inform me of ALL of the effects of this surgery, I would certainly have elected to forgo the surgery

and live with the frequency problem.

As a result of removing a portion of the inner prostate, sex has changed - I no longer ejaculate. At orgasim, my semen goes into my bladder (retrograde ejaculation). This has had a significant affect my mental health. I have been in therapy for more than one year now.

To make things worse, the Doctor denies that he neglected to inform me of this side affect. So along with coping with the physical changes, I have to cope with the anger and frustration of dealing with the Doctor and the hospital where the surgery was performed. I have been to every lawyer within a 50-mile radious of my home and everyone has told me that a malpractice suit would be difficult to win; in addition to the federal liability limitations, the state of Wisconsin makes it even harder to prove medical malpractice. To add insult to injury, the surgery did not correct the urination frequency.

The mere act of writing this has caused my hands to start shaking. I cannot get past feeling angry at the doctor, wanting revenge (a lawsuit) and "mourning the death" of a normal sex life. Sex with my spouse has become a reminder of what happened to me more than an intimate act for us to share. The physical and mental issues have also caused intermittent ED problems. I went in to the doctor with a problem that was inconvenient, but still manageable and came ot with a multitude of issues including the original problem. My spouse is understanding but has difficulty expressing her feelings (and I am not very good at it eithor). I am only 52.

This isn't the kind of issue that gets talked about over lunch or fising with friends. There are no support gorups in the area to address this kind of issue - my hometown is rather small. Only me and my therapist know :). I need

to hear form someone who has learned to adjust to the changes prostate surgery can cause in life.

IWR,

I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties.  The mental part is often worse than the physical part.

If you are looking for a new urologist and can get to the Madison area, check out Dr. Adam Tierney.  He is with the Dean Health System.  You should find them with a Google search.

Have you looked into a local Man to Man chapter through the American Cancer Society.  You have many of the conditions that this group can support you through.

Best wishes for a turnaround,

DS

Welcome to the group.

First I think you need to put the past behind you. As you are unlikely to win a lawsuit, put that thought out of your mind. The past is in the past, and you do yourself no good by getting steamed up over what has happened. Forgive and move forward.

It may be your urethra is now wider than it used to be, but that your bladder just needs to be retrained. So things may not be as bad as you think. I agree that you need a new urologist -- one that you trust. He will be best able to assess your current condition and advise on what further treatment (if any) you need. He may be able to suggest some exercises.

Even if you are stuck with retrograde ejaculation, compared to many here, you are well ahead. Most of us here have no ejaculation at all, and some, like me, don't even have natural erections. But for all that, we find sex is still good and often orgasms are longer and more intense than before. Another advantage: no mess!

So, in your case, there is a lot of hope and you can be assured that you will not die from retrograde ejaculation. Sex may be different but it can still be very enjoyable -- you still have a lot to live for. Please do stick around and keep us up-to-date.

IWas,

First, let me say just how how sorry I am that the prostate surgery did not correct the problem it was intended to correct. It's something else to work through that wasn't expected. I wish you well.

Second, not to sound insensitive to your concern but, did you say your ability to ejaculate ruined your sex life? Did it deminish the ability to feel passion for the woman you share a bed with or the ability to feel the sensation of climax? If not, then relax and enjoy. It's just fluid. I would be very hurt if my husband put his fluid above his passion. In fact....I think I have been! It was as though his passion for our time together was less valuable to him than a tablespoon of fluid. As you can guess, that was not a good feeling for either of us! Three is a time for mourning and a time to move forward. By not letting fluid control your emotions, your desire, you can find your way through and get back to enjoying a passionate intimate relationship.

A little levitra, cialis or viagra might be helpful for a while should ED issues be worrying you. Good luck, good health and, I do hope you're feeling the good ole passion again real soon.

Be Well, Swim

There are probably other forums you should look to to discuss your problems.  I'm not buying the "its their fault" blame thing, though - you had a responsibility to listen and ask questions and it doesn't seem you did that.  It's a good thing you sought professional psychological advice and I encourage you to keep with it.  Be thankful you didn't have the cancer.  Stay well.

I had my radical prostectimy on April 15.   It was only two weeks ago that frequent ER visits, a return to the hospital for complications (hopefully) are finally behind me.  Blood clots in my legs were a result of my surgery, and I'm on blood thinners now.   Tomorrow I see my uriologist that specializes in ED.   I had nerve sparing surgery, but right now it is impossible for me to get any kind erection.  Even though I can still have an orgasism, there is a feeling of loss and frustration that they "are dry."

I can cope with all this though.   The tumor on my prostate was on the outside as well as encapsolated.   I take my PSA again in late June.    Now that I'm feeling better, that is what I'm most concerned about.

In fairness to your problem, everything is relative.  I'm 55, and I thought that was young to be diagnosed with this.  I see the ages of most the guys are between 45 and 65.

Dear I Was Robbed: You certainly were! I feel for you. I do not, in any way, want to negate what you went through and are going through, but maybe what I'm about to say will help some other guy who is considering surgery and is reading this post. I was lucky. I had an excellent (although somewhat impatient) urologist and an excellent surgeon. I was diagnosed on Feb 6, 2009 and once I had the diagnosis, my urologist gave me a long list of alternative procedures to consider. But he also said, "If this were me, with these numbers, I would have a robotic prostatectomy." I knew I had several weeks before I made up my mind, and I hit the internet for hours on end, day after day. I made a point to educate myself. I read as much as I could about open vs/ robotic surgery; steroid thereapy; radiation needles; the whole gamut. Once I had all of this information, I began visiting chat rooms like this one, to discuss with other guys what their experiences were, why they chose what they chose; did they have any regrets about the choice they made; etc. etc. By the time I went back to my urologist with my final decision, he was dumbfounded by how much information I had. My final decision was to go with the robotic surgery and I'm extremely glad I did. Yes, I miss having wet ejaculations and not having to depend on pills for an erection. But I'm also cancer free! I realize your surgery was not for cancer and that your expectations were quite different. Yes, there are doctors who don't give all of the information they should, for whatever reasons. But I've found that the GOOD ones provide you with written lists of your various options. It's up to YOU to do further research. If your urologist or surgeon doesn't provide you with written materials (my surgeon gave me a folder that must have had at LEAST 50 different articles in it, plus what to expect and equally as important, what NOT to expect), then just leave the office and find a urologist or surgeon who does provide you with the materials. But even so, you have to do a lot of learning on your own. It's been two months since my surgery and I STILL am learning a lot of things I hadn't known before. Yes, I feel bad for you and what you went through and in no way am I blaming you for your doctor's screw-ups. I'm just saying, learn Learn, LEARN as much as you can on your own.
I wish you the best!

Yes you have our sympathy on a changed life, now what do think most of these men on this board have???????  PCa in most cases will leave a man with a changed life forever, so yeah we feel your pain, and most of us live it and have learned to accept the lousy fate of such, living trumps sex life (maybe not by alot-LOL) so be thankful for what your have is always the plus side of life.

Now for non-kudos to the medical folks, yes they are in a hurry to make alot of money (asap) people are rushed into treatments, drugs, therapies etc.  When you go see a uro-doc he is not going to suggest vitamins and health tips as your first option on his opinion(s). Same can be said for most other kinds of docs, they are trained and trained to make money....they are not here to be good deed doers (although the hypocratic oath suggests such....our society shuns altruism, faith, God, and total honesty in exchange for b.s., lies, and fat wallets that are like a drug addiction and never get satisfied).

If we actually had brotherly love in the true meaning of such, frankness, openess, total honesty above $$$$ and agendas would rule the day. Soooooooooooooooooo, my advice to 'all people' whom look at any medical issue of their own or friends etc.:  read all you can, get information prior to your modality (so you could cancel before it is too late), look at anything even controversial material or self cures (you never know if it has your name on it and might work-I am talking about any ailment, not cancer specific), seek better docs and write down or tape the session information, for sure get second opinion(s) from other types of docs or someone outside their referral network, compare from forums or internet groups what happen or how someone did or is doing. Then armed with all this info along with your own faith and/or prayers (or thoughts-whatever you seek beyond your own being), prepare to make your best decision.

Then you know you did all you could as a layperson, which is much easier to handle going forward. Then if life sucks, when thrown lemons make lemonade (lol), other options are: conseling, drugs (lol), budweiser, rubber room therapy(lol), or join the Post Office (go postal but with love as you put cancelation stamping on letters), lastly go to Margaritaville and see Jimmy Buffet.....and forget a bout it...ya know what I'm sayin!!!