Well it's time for that dreaded special 6 weeks PSA test

Well, thought I would pop in for a quicky visit.  I go in at 0930 tommorow for the blood draw for the special PSA test my dr. ordered.  I have to wait till next Monday to sit with him and find out the news.  This has been the worse PSA anxiety time I have experienced so far ,its not like its just another test that comes and goes.  If it has moved up any from the .10 mark six weeks ago, then it means reaccurance, and so soon after surgery.  The game plan is to move me along to an oncologist and radiation facility.  There is that micro chance the 6 month PSA read was wrong or a micro spike, and this one will be better, but my logic and luck doesn't tend to go in that direction.  Would love to be proven wrong on this one.

I know there is nothing special about me or my case, I am just one of many here, my life isn't worth any more or any less than any other man, this I know in my heart.

I thought the surgery would do it, at least for several years out, the pathology report was so squeaky clean, I am a Stage 2, not a 3 or 4, so my mind can't reconcile why this is happening so soon after surgery.

I am fully continent, and as most of you regulars know, I was blessed with no-ED after surgery.  Will all this gain be lost after I go through salvage RT?  Don't know either, had to have made such good progress, and then lose it all.  Then I think, if I need RT this fast, is it really going to work or do me any good in the long run?

Just airing fellow PC guys, it is what it is, after all this time, parts of me still feel like I did something wrong to make the PC happen, and if so, I don't honestly know what I could have done differently.

It will be a long wait till next Monday, I could force the result before then, but its not my style, I am too compliant with my drs, and knowing this week won't change a thing with the ultimate results.

Still plan to be back here full time soon.  I just have to know what is really going on here with me.

David in SC

Dear David,

Good to hear from you again.  You have been a positive read since I joined the club a year and 2 months ago.  I have some idea about what you are going through.  I suspect every member of this club goes through this every time they wait for the results of their PSA test.  I remember every one of mine and am already bracing myself for the next one which will be August.  From the very beginning my surgeon prepared me for the day I might have to admit that the cancer was back.  I guess it correlates with as “prepared as we were,  we weren’t prepared.”

We could talk about all the possibilities of tomorrow, but I will leave that to whatever happens.  Good or bad, I want to thank you for all you have done for so many people that have faced our situation and had nowhere to turn.  You have been a positive hope for so many people I doubt if you will ever realize the impact you have made.  If this turns ugly, and I pray it does not, I expect in time you will be again be on the front lines telling all of us what to expect and how to overcome the disappointment of recurrence.  I also expect you may very well tell us of a near scare.  I much prefer the latter and not the former. 

I believe in one of your earlier messages you stated that your wife said you knew too much about this disease for your own good.  That means you already know there are lots of options with good outcomes available to you.  Yes,  we don’t want to abandon the first defense of a perfect surgery, but step two and step three still mean we can beat this and still live a normal life.   I know you feel alone right now and a little disgusted with your situation, but if you look over your shoulder there are legions of Healing Well Community cheering you on.  If we don’t win in the first round we will win in the second or third, we just need YOU to continue to tell us how.   Seize the Day.

Age 61 at diagnosis

PSA Jan 2006 2.8, PSA Jan 2007 3.7, PSA Jan 2008 4.4

DRE Normal, Biopsy positive 1 core in 10,

Clinical T1C, Pre surgery Gleason 3+4=7

Bone scans Normal, Cat Scan Normal

da Vinci robotic Surgery April 30, 2008, Fremont Nebraska

Post surgery Gleason 3+4=7, Pathological P2C

Lymph nodes clear, Margins clear

Hospital stay 2-days, Catheter out 10 days

1-pad a day for 3 weeks

Back at work 7-days after surgery, desk job

Both Nerves spared, 100% with assistance of sildenafil citrate

Post 3 month PSA-undetectable, Post 9 month PSA-undetectable

 

Hi David,

No I dont fully undestand either, as your path was clean, actually very similar to mine.

I am really hoping we hear back from you on Monday, with good news, and a slight drop in the PSA.  Lets hope you have had a micro spike, and it will now return back to .05 or lower.

Mate I can't hear the fat lady singing yet.  Stay positive, and visualise in your mind those low numbers.   Cheers Kev

To all the posters above this post, thanks for the kind words and encouragement. I am most thankful for this place, HW, and all of you, old friends and new. I have been through a lot of medical fights in my life, according to my own mother, the first being that I nearly died of whooping cough when I was six months old, to my first major surgery at age 28, 3 bouts of another ultra rare cancer that involved 5 other surgeries and a full regiment of RT and a year of physical therapy, and then of course, the PC. I think part of my current problems and feelings, is that I underestimated the evilness of PC, it doesn't fight fair or consistent, thats for sure. I can only speak for myself, but I am not sure I will ever feel "safe" the rest of my life, regardless of how things turn out. A shrink once told me, that I was unfair to myself, set too high a standard on my life, and punished myself too severely when I didn't meet the bar so to speak. There may be some truth to those words. Ultimately I will come to terms with what I perceive to be a set back, and then I will be ok again. I am trying, I really am, to deal with everything that has transpired since my 3rd biopsy came back positive last August, its just been a big swirl of things, the surgery, the 63 days on the catheter, the corrective surgery, and all the rest of it.

My best thoughts to one and all, as you continue you own battles, your own victories, your own positive steps in your fight against PC. For those of us that have wonderful wives or other halves and good families, may we always feel thankful and blessed. Without mine, in my life, I would feel with little hope or encouragement. Just like the kind I feel when I am here at HW.

David in SC

David,
If nothing else your post above shows that not only are you a survivor but a real fighter as well. We all hope that our initial treatment does the job but in our heart we all know that this bloody disease may always be lurking. You have my best wishes for a good result and I'll be thinking of you over the next week.
Bill

Thanks Ed C and Billy. Thank you too, Coxjajab

David-
I know the anxiety of PC seems too much to bear at times, but I hope that Monday brings good news and in my heart of hearts, I believe it is possible. Until then, do what you have to do to stay positive and calm your fears. As many of the other's have posted, there are options and there are prayers. We will be holding you in thoughts and prayers. I agree with your comment about underestimating PC, I feel like my biggest mistake was banking on the odds. PC is ugly, but you are a fighter. All the best this week and always!

Chayna

David,
You have been through much but you have weathered it well. And I do remember completing surgery and my doc saying we didn't get it all. Still we both have come a long way and I believe that your next options will get you to where I am. Undetectable. So much to look ahead good with, I wish you well on Monday.

BTW, welcome as a new moderator. Your sincerity will be a great asset. Peace to you, my friend.

Tony

Hi David,

I know it's a tough time right now. You have a ton of people here wishing you the best! I hope your test results come back with good news...we all do! You have helped a lot of us here, myself included, through the rough spots.

I see you're a moderator now. Your insight and kind words of support for others will make this site even better.

You are in my thoughts. Drop me a line when you can.

Mike

Magaboo - that is my best hope of hopes.

Doting, thanks, but even the best "boxer" gets tired of holding his fists up in the air, I hope mine hold out

mspt98, thanks buddy for the words

tony, i get it, it i think, with you svi, pm, and epe and being stage 3, your journey makes a lot more sense, i just cant make sense out of my situation. but glad you are doing so very well

thanks jack and mikey, the moderator designation surprised me in the end, i hope i am capable of being a fair and caring one, like the other good one that are here.

yes tud, in my now highly esteemed position, I expect a 5x increase in fees of referal and homage for all my sage advice, lol.

Also, I will be back full time as soon as I get back from my doctor next Monday afternoon, so be careful for what you wish for, lol.

Les, on the higher level, I believe the same way, but sometimes at the "street" level, its easy to get caught up with bad news and negative thoughts, I am no differernt than anyone else when it comes to that. If I know a situation is at hand, good or bad, I can handle things well, so far, with this PC fight, its too much uncertainty, and I always feel there is a sword over my head, that is the part of it I am fighting the most, I think.

goodlife,

In the case of your Gleason and pathology, I think you are getting sound advice, I wouldn't hesitate or delay much in going to RT. Good luck in your decision.

David in SC

Dear David,
I just posted to your moderatorship!.... So happy that you are a moderator...You are thoughtful, caring, and creative.

" What sky! What light! Ah, in spite of all... it is a blessed thing to be alive in such weather"... samuel beckett

I read that and thought of you!

Our thoughts and prayers go with you. Diane and Pete