Why not oral?

As many of you know, I had my prostate removed in the summer of 2007. Since then, the addition of an AUS has fixed my incontinence, but I still have ED.  I was thinking that while penetration is very difficult the normal way, it seems that having sexual relations orally would take care of the problem. The entry method would be easy, both in the female-to-male part, as well as in the male-to-female part. Thus, both parties would obtain greater satisfation. Anyone agree?

I would say it's a no brainer. But some people aren't so inclined...

I had many friends bring up this subject as "there are more then one way to skin a cat."

p.s. I don't even think my spouse is so inclined, and I probably won't even bring it up (no pun intended). Was just trying to think of ways to make it better for both of us.

Thank you JoeyG!

If sex is limited to only penis to vagina intercourse, than it is really limited at best. Every couple is different of course, and not talking about a right or wrong here. Some men feel so devestated by their ED, pc induced or not, and refuse to experiement or try anything other than the one thing they can't do at the moment.

For all of us that have been married long term (a lot of us here) know that the women in our lives thrive on all kinds of physical affection, far beyond "norma" intercourse. If you weren't being receptive to that before your surgery/treatment changed things, then perhaps now is a time to refresh the romance, and yes, the sexual approach in your relationship.

Don't forget the holding of hands, holding her from behind with your strong arms, a kiss on the neck for no good reason, letting her know she is still the most gorgous woman in the world in your eyes, etc. etc.

I am not saying its not hard, frustrating ,and difficult to work with and through ED, but that's more of the motivation to keep things alive and interesting with the one you love.

David in SC

Guys,
would you think about putting your email address on your profile? I get NO spam from Healing Well. and it would be easier to discuss some of this where there are no women or children of patients.

But - having said that, I think JamesC, our illustrious moderator once said that there are two times in life to explore your sexuality. First is adolescence. Second is post PCA! This might also be better discussed on FrankTalk!...since it's...welll....frank.
If your wife is not keen on some of this, there are a few things you can do. First of all...Shave. Most women do not like hair...or the smell of it either. Trim it close, get a body groomer and trim it back. Or Shave altogether. There are MANY reports that women will find it easier to do if you are cleaned up down there. Wash up....everywhere down there. Take a shower. smell good. not like...well, you know.
Also, many women are afraid of gagging or losing control. Now that there will be no surprises at the end, it should help allay some fears. but make sure she is in control and in charge.

Then let's hope you are returning the favor. There are some real good techniques you should all be using...like finding her Gspot, etc.
Not sure this discussion should be here, but figured I would add my two cents.
Paul

Agree, lol

This has been a good thread to follow. I too am an advocate of renewing the relationship in ways outside of normal sexuality. Learning to be romantic is a wonderful experience that both parties will enjoy greatly. Learning to love again in the emotional rather than physical will render rewards beyond your greatest expectations.
Thanks for sharing your comments and I will continue to follow this.

peace and love
Dale

geezer, i will second those sentiments exactly as stated. it might be my PC, but my wife and I, like we have done with everything in our lives, went into this together, from the very beginning of getting biopsies, through the surgery, the recovery, the surgeries and complications after, etc. all of the above bringing us even closer together.

Cowboy,

There have been some good posts by wives on the subject here over the months. The general feeling of these posts, is that most all the women can accept their husbands ED, but it is the husband that can't accept it. The women still say they want to be held, kissed, hugged, and all the little acts of intitmacy that go along with it. Many a man has been helped by the patience and love that their wives offer them during their recovery time. Some men simply push it all away since they can't do the "act". This attitude really hurts the women affective by those men, because they still want to feel loved, wanted, desired, etc, even though their man can't perform "normal" sex.

We men should listen to those little whispers and warning signs. Speaking from first hand experience, there's no reason we can't make the women in our life happy, loved, and even satisified, despite the side effects of PC.

David in SC

Bob, not trying to pry, but on your last post, you said she decided to stop doing it about five years ago. I am assuming this is before your surgery, and your ED. Did you have ED issues before you had PC, or perhaps you wife had medical issues of her own, or perhaps, and I know this is personal, perhaps there were non-sexual issues between the two of you.

If both parties are willing, it would be nice if the two of you could sit down with a professional and see if there are any remedies that aren't already on the table.

For your sake, I hope you can get back some degree of "normal" from your current ED situation. I don't discount your personal frustrations one bit, I know it is important to you, and to any other man.

David in SC

ok bob, hoped i didnt offend, wasnt trying to pry, just trying to understand the background a little bit. there are so many ways to go about the ED problem, so I hope you will find yours soon.

david in sc