Dad having surgery - freaking out

Hi AAS,

I'm sure that your Dad will appreciate all of the help and support that you are able to give him.  The thought of cancer and surgery can certainly be overwhelming.  Slow down and take this journey with your Dad one step at a time.  The bowel prep is certainly unenjoyable, but is necessary.  That can be something that you let your Dad do on his own.  I have never been able to drink the entire contents so its not the worst thing if he doesn't, as long as he drinks enough to have it work.  If you are going to be a primary caregiver it will be important that you listen carefully to what the docs are telling your Dad at his meetings.  You are at a great website to educate yourself about what is happening and what you need to know.  With knowledge comes understanding and understanding can help calm your fears.  If you have specific needs or questions, just ask away.  Best wishes for you and your Dad,

Dan

My wife was my primary caregiver.  She helped keep track of meds and did a real nice job of cleaning the catheter bags.  We had dinner brought to the house by friends for three weeks. 

My children's ages ranged from 7 to 18 so I did my best to keep them from being afraid.  Your Dad will have some pain from the surgery and maybe some discomfort from the catheter. (I had a lot of pain at the end of a week).  Mostly just do the things you would normally do.  Talk, rent a movie, go for a walk.  It is important that he gets exercise, walking is the best to start with.  If he needs some encouragement in that department, do it.  It is important that he gets a lot of rest, too. My favorite spot for the first two weeks was in my recliner with the mp3.  Be sure to talk about the future - next month, next year, 5 years from now.  What does he want to do?  Where does he want to travel?  Make some plans, give him something to look forward to.  This will help a lot.  

Keep us posted,

Dan

Thanks, Purgatory. I'm a daughter. I really wanted to go down for the surgery but my father insisted he'll be quite bored the few weeks following and asked me to go down during the recovery phase. However, my sister, brother, brother-in-law, and niece will be there for the surgery.

Your stats seem similar to my father's. Seems like you're doing well now?

I insisted that my daughter not show up. She lives and works in California and she is very busy.

She showed up anyway.

Sometimes she just doesn't listen.

I wasn't angry.

Mel

Thanks everyone. Now I'm seriously contemplating moving my plane ticket to tomorrow... :)

Any time you spend with your dad will be appreciated (even if he looks generally disgusted with life at the time due to the catheter, etc. Overlook that and just be cheerful...) But I agree that maybe the early recovery time is better as one starts needing distractions then.

Has anyone freaked out? Better question: has anyone NOT freaked out? I wouldn't take odds.

Best wishes...

Thanks, 142. Yeah, my mother has been more stressed out than my dad this entire time -- (or she shows it more, at least). What are the bladder spasms? Many people have mentioned these.

Thanks, Lynn. I'm surprised to hear so many cases where surgery wasn't enough. Whereas, when I read stats, it seems like the success rates of surgery are very high. Are those stats misleading?

Oh - thanks for explaining. Do you happen to know how common this is?

AAS,
I really have never "investigated" bladder spasms, other than to figure out what was happening to me. I was told by the doctor at the time that they were fairly common. They did not offer medication unless it got worse.

Since I had them, it was a 100% issue for me .

AAS-
From one doting daughter to another, I feel your pain. My parent's traveled to Seattle to have my father's RP done here and stayed with me after the visit. One reason your father may want you to wait to visit is because after surgery, the days following include catheter bags and monitoring the urine, hoping and praying for a bm, pads, and general discomfort and embarrassment. You can imagine for most men, the mere thought of discussing their penis, erections and bowel movements with their daughters is mortifying.
With that being said, I wouldn't have wanted to be any other place. My dad is the strongest man I know and it is amazing how as a daughter you can sense their fears, by subtle ways that others would never notice. I hate cancer and hate that my dad had to go through what he did, but I am happy I was able to be there for him during the process. It's weird how different people react. My mom who is normally an incredibly strong person, broke down on the day of surgery. She was an absolute mess. It came out of left field, because I had never seen her like that before. It is a lot emotionally for a spouse to deal with and I was glad I was there for both of them.
You might need to run to the store to pick up underwear that fit comfortably with the cath or with pads. You might just need to sit and watch the World Cup with him and discuss the oil spill. I guess my advice, for whatever it is worth- Just be whatever your dad (or mom) needs.

Hi Hope,

Your welcome anytime! My dad and mom really love Peter and wish him the best, they both say hi :) My dad completed radiation last week and is so excited to go back to his ordinary life. I am happy Peter got an appointment with Dr Myers, I really have a lot of faith in him. We got an appointment for my father in October, now the biggest obstacle is to get him to go lol. Say hi to Peter.

Lynne