&*%^#$##@!!!!!!

Todd, I wanted to chime in as well, it does suck, friggin big time. My thoughts are with you and thinking positive! Greg

Todd, hoping upon hope, that you will get some good news out of all the bad. Your feelings are expected in your situation, we would all feel the same way. There is no answer to the "why" part, so don't drive yourself crazy thinking about it too much. I use to believe that my cancer bouts were some kind of divine punishment for something I did in the past, but I no longer believe that. As they say, bad things happen to good people, just as good things happen for terrible people. Keep the faith brother, keep the faith.

David in SC

Todd,

Your shoes are much too big for me to even think about stepping in them. You have been through more in your 46 years than I have in my 69. I can't relate to most of your feelings because I am still in a different stage of my PC journey. As a Gleason 9, I expect that I will someday be travelling along a path like yours.

One thing you said struck a chord with me. That you just want to love your wife. On that thought I can relate. I have somewhat normal testosterone levels, I assume. Yet, since my surgery, in dealing with the loss of my manhood, which after 16 months, I am thinking may be permanent, I have a very similar desire.

I also want to love my wife of 38 years. I do love my wife, from an emotional, heartfelt point of view. Our love has actually grown since PC has entered our relationship. Her devotion to me, her acceptance of my "condition", and her companionship is what keeps me going.

But it is different. I have to force myself to make her happy, and I do, but nothing like when I would wake up wanting her and rolling over and getting it done.

I have had to work on it. I have had to make myself worry more about her pleasure and satisfaction than my own. That is hard. But in a strange way, I am beginning to get as much and more of a sense of satisfaction than the good old days. Seeing to her pleasure has become a source of great pleasure for myself.

I am saying all this to encourage you. You can love your wife. It is more of a job sometimes than a sexual adventure, but it does have its rewards.

Once you settle back in to the "routine", I am sure you will return to loving your wife also. It is hard to be p off and feel like loving too.

You are absolutely right. PC does suck, and it isn't fair. But we don't get to choose these things. The only thing we can choose is how we react to the circumstances. I have watched you long enough here on HW to know that you are a mighty big man. You will get over this setback and suck it up, and set out to whip it again, and you will love your wife, no matter how you feel.

I have said it before. You are an inspiration. We are all pulling with you in this. Live each day to the fullest, and give it all you have.

Best of luck to you and your wife. May God be with you.

Todd,
I have had the lump issue. Nothing to fear and it did go away. For some reason, AFTER my ADT, I experienced breast tenderness. Vogelzang checked it out and said we'll watch it but it's likely early stage gynecomastia. You might ask the same question...

The tenderness has since went away and I think it was part of the hormonal changes...

Tony

Todd keep it going on mi amigo, you got choices to make, here is one of many examples:

Leukine- injections (you can do at home stock up and leave in refrig.), I talked to a friend at my PCa group meeting last night that has been using this almost a year maybe. He hired Dr. Scholz, but lives here in Michigan, he sees Scholz maybe 1-2 times per year. He gets the drug and equipment locally in Michigan from a specialty pharamacy, insurance covers it all (this is not cheap stuff). He says....NO SIDE EFFECTS....works well at controlling his psa level. I would say look into it, if not now then for later down the road, research it. The no side effects if that is similar in other patients, I would say is huge...if you have insurance that would be a real good thing. I heard medicade or medicare (I get them mixed up), will cover this pricey stuff too. I am contemplating that if and when down the road, maybe I would consider such, but having excellent response for years on what I have now and mama didn't raise no fool (LOL- atleast I hope it wasn't me...ha-ha).

Todd, may be taking it too literal again, but I don''t get 30-30,270,30-06,300 filling the freezer? You putting meds in the freezer? Explain please?