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Posted 9/15/2010 5:01 AM (GMT 0)
Ed, Judy, I so agree with you!

Aimzee, it's a lovely picture you paint of Ron and the grandkids. Hope he is able to get out there soon with them.

Renee, I'm sure you will enjoy your time away. Paul and I flew over to a little island in Malaysia called Langkawi for a week long beach holiday a month before the surgery. Loved it as it reminded us of the fact that there was life to enjoy even in the middle of the crisis.

Paul is back at work as of yesterday, he's doing half days at the moment. He could do full days if he was pushed but half days do not make him tired. Paul loves cooking, it's his hobby and relaxation and he's also back to cooking for both of us. No incontinance since day 1 but he does feel more urgency to go to the toilet than before the surgery. He's working on training his bladder.

On the ED front he is having near full strength morning erections but he is afraid to handle that part of his anatomy yet as he thinks its too soon after surgery. He's going to give it another week before trying out his new orgasm.

An

Post Edited (An38) : 9/15/2010 6:51:42 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 9/15/2010 5:48 AM (GMT 0)
An,

The extra healing time for your husband before tackling that part of his anatomy as you said, makes perfect sense to me. If he doesn't feel pressured to perform, or try to perform, it will put him in a better frame of mind when the time comes to work on that end of things. My wife was  so good about that part with my recovery. She knew when I felt I was ready, she would be right there. That part worked out fine for us.

In our 36 year plus marriage, we don't base sex as the most important thing on the plate, as we have both suffered through medical matters over the years. We have nothing to complain about there, as our relationship has always been on a "best friend" basis. We are always there for each other, no matter what the crisis may be at the moment.

I enjoy the input from our women members here. If a man with PC is in a relationship, then dealing with cancer is definitely a couple's issue. It effects both partners.

Sounds like your man is doing well, I am happy for both of you.

David in SC
Posted 9/15/2010 1:05 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you David!

There is absolutely no pressure on my husband to perform.
He will be trying out his new orgasm all by himself. I'm sure he'll tell me how it feels for him.

I think it would be safe to say that for the vast majority of the wives here that sex is not the most important thing on the plate for them, at this point in time. For me its all about getting my husband comfortable with his new rearranged equipment. He jokes that his penis has lost his next door neighbour and is becoming acquainted with his bladder.

An
Posted 9/15/2010 1:15 PM (GMT 0)
An, 

  I can tell you that I have had 3 orgasms all by myself and they are indeed different than before.  Close to the same but not quite as intense.  My wife has not put any pressure on me at all which is great.  I do believe that kind of pressure would actually make things worse.  Patience is very hard for my wife but she is doing very well which helps me alot. 

Ed

Posted 9/15/2010 8:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hi All,

I just went back and started reading thru this thread from the beginning-I can't believe it's been such a short time since it started. We've all been thru pre-surgery jitters, surgery, bm's, pads and erections (semi and otherwise!). I never in my life thought I'd be talking about these things to anybody, but it's so good to have you all to share it with.

An, it sounds like I'm not the only lucky one here-Geoff loves to cook also and boy, am I glad. I don't mind cooking since I don't have to all the time and frankly, Geoff is a better cook.

Well, Geoff has been having erections in the morning also and the doctor told him last Wed. he could begin trying to have sex when he felt like it-since we have our get away planned this weekend we might try if he feels like it. No pressure here either-I want him to feel completely healed up and comfortable.

Renee
Posted 9/16/2010 6:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hi All,

May I join the club of wives whose husbands are better cooks? shocked

This discussion of patience and in letting the guys handle that part of their anatomy is most reassuring.  I think pressure would be the worse thing for any man.  Glad to read that.  Ron had a problem with incontinance today just when he thought he would be free of worry.  I mentioned that this does happen.  Poor guy... again feeling helpless.

David, I imagine your wife feels this way at times?

An, happy to hear Paul is back to work part-time.  I giggled a bit about the "neighbor" joke.  :-)  

It is good that Ed and David share their experience here so we can understand what is coming.  No pun intended!

Renee, the plans sound good for this weekend with Geoff. wink

Aimzee

(I eliminated my signature here in hopes of saving space.) 

Posted 9/16/2010 9:43 AM (GMT 0)
Hi All

I've tried playing catch up after being away, but I find I can't read through all the posts in this thread and keep track of who did what when and how etc.

So let me just wish all of you well, both those that know a bit about me and those who are new here since I took a break.

And I hope that the surgery does the business and you don't end up like me needing the RT too, though the RT does at least seem to have worked.

And David (Purgatory) if you're reading this, I know I must have missed so many of your posts relating to your unusual situation, but I hadn't forgotten about you. I hope all is going to plan as you signature indicates that you are heading for a new phase.

Alfred
Posted 9/16/2010 12:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Alf,

Thanks for the kind wishes. You'd have to take a week's vacation to read thru this whole thread and I think the only people who can keep up with it are the august surgery people. You've been missed on the forum and I am happy to see you back.

Of course, Aimzee you can join the "My Husband is a Better Cook Club". Actually, if I'm not mistaken, Alf's wife may be a candidate-if I remember correctly he claims to be a gourmet cook. What about your wives, David and Ed? Who's the better cook in your family?

Renee
Posted 9/16/2010 12:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Alfred,

I know this must be an impossible thread for someone coming in new and for that I apologize. It has been tremendously helpful to us though.

Ed,

It was so good to read your post, just an hour ago Paul told me that he did try it out and had his first orgasm.
He said that it was not a strong orgasm and it was different, the earth didn't move for him but he was glad to have it. He asked me whether this was normal. And then I read your text! His question was whether they get any better and I am sure that with the wealth of knowledge here people would know.

Renee,

I hope this weekend goes well and that you both enjoy yourself!!

Aimzee,

It sounds like Ron is heading in the right direction if he was expecting to be continent today. I know sometimes its two steps forward, one step back but as long as the trend is right then thats great.

I am not a good cook. Paul comes back from work, spends an hour looking through recipe books, most days cooks something new and I am the lucky taster of the food. The only thing I normally get to cook is dessert, Paul is not a fan of baking. I think he has got better faster as he doesn't much care for what I feed him and wanted to take back control of the kitchen blush

An
Posted 9/16/2010 3:46 PM (GMT 0)
Renee,

  I am not the cook in the house.  My wife is a great cook and she is always trying new ideas.  It is impossible to loose any weight at my house since she really likes to make new deserts everyday.  I lost over 20lbs after surgery but since I have gone back to work and eating normally again they are coming back.  Man did I miss them.

An,  I think the orgasm is normal from what I have read.  The way I look at it is..better something than nothing.  I dont know if they ever get back to the way they were as far as sensation but time will tell.

Ed

Posted 9/16/2010 11:35 PM (GMT 0)
I am late in replying to AN's inquiry of 9/10/2010. Thank you for remembering us!

For the past four weeks since he's been home, my husband has had ups and downs. There has been some days he is in a lot of pain, and others during which he is just uncomfortable. It was not easy for him to ride in my car, but he's been driving his own for the past few days, gradually trying to get in the swing in things. He hopes to go back to work on Monday, and we have stocked of on Guards from Tena.

The leaking that started two weeks ago has irritated his skin, but I had diaper rash cream on hand, thanks to a suggestion from one of you.

The stitches and catheter should come out tomorrow. A month is a long time for a catheter, and I'm not sure why it has been so long. The cystogram was two weeks ago. Right now, since I'm also dealing with my mother's Alzheimers, I am beginning to feel pretty stressed - not in any obvious way - but in forgetting more than usual. I have a conference in 2.5 weeks at a resort, and I am taking the day before off to check in an relax. I've also booked spa services that day. I am learning how important it is to take care of me.

Thank you all for being there. Wives, as well as husbands, are part of this club.

Mimi
Posted 9/17/2010 6:56 AM (GMT 0)

Mimi, I am so happy you came back for an update!  How is your husband's anemia?  I wish him the best as he returns to work on Monday.  Ron has also had his ups and downs but the main thing was to take the cancer out.  As others have stated, getting the catheter out will help your husband so much!  Ron had his for 13 days but never had a cystogram.

You are so right with the thinking of taking care of yourself because of CareGiver Stress.  I am so sorry to hear about your mother's Alzheimers.  I think we all have gone through periods of memory loss when overstressed.  Relaxation is on your way?  Good! 

Alf, so good to hear you are in the ZERO club.  May all here join in during the coming months!

The way I look at it is..better something than nothing. 

What a wise statement, Ed!   Renee,  An,  Ed,  David, and others - I printed up a sheet of our remarks this past week and they were helpful to Ron  Take care!

Aimzee

.

Posted 9/17/2010 7:44 PM (GMT 0)
Whoo hoo! Catheter and stitches are out. Doc gave husband some Viagra samples and told him to use it or lose it. Although, like others here, no pressure. When the time is right, it's right. So far, everything else is good. PSA test set for end of November.

One day at a time.

Now, time to celebrate!
Posted 9/17/2010 7:53 PM (GMT 0)
Mim,  The healing really starts to speed up today.  Good news and good luck.

Ed

Posted 9/17/2010 9:31 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks, Ed! That's good news!
Posted 9/17/2010 11:12 PM (GMT 0)
thank you alf - yeah, after nearly a year of suffering post salvage radiation, moving onto hopefully a new and better solution, though it comes with a price too. glad to read that you are still doing well. you were always good company here.

on the cooking issue, my wife would win hands down. since i have mostly been home bound the last 2 years, i do most of the cooking when we dont eat out, as long as i follow a recipie to the letter of the law, no deviation, i can cook/bake most things. my wife was doing the home cooking since she was 8 years old with her single mom, so when she got married to me at 18, she already had 10 years experience! Before she became a nurse, she had her own bakery business that did quite well.

i have become her house slave, which she loves, as she works many long shifts as a work, so i do all the house cleaning, laundry, most of the shopping, etc, so that when she is home, she can just chill with her wine. her coffee is ready every morning even though i don't drink it, and when she comes in late, her bed is turned back waiting for her to collapse.
Posted 9/18/2010 12:14 PM (GMT 0)
Finally, after high intense pain, Ron went to his doctor.  He could not wait until 9/28.  The doctor said healing was on schedule but he had a little blood in his urine (sample).  Therefore, he prescrbed Cipro for 2 weeks.  He also prescribed vicodin for the pain and wants to see him in 3 weeks.  If the pain is still there, he will recommemnd a nerve block.  We don't know if this will work, but he will give it a try.

No medications for ED was given.  He still has leakage.

Mimi, now your husband will have a sense of freedom with the catheter out.  This is great news!

David, I wish you the very best with your upcoming surgery.

Take care everyone!

Aimzee

 

Posted 9/20/2010 2:19 PM (GMT 0)
Aimzee,  Glad to hear Ron went to the doctor early.  There is no medal for suffering.  Once the pain is under control he should start to heal more quickly.  I am so glad this thread is still open for us.  I have a 9/28 (7 week) appointment but I am not sure he will take blood for a psa.  I assume they will.  Spent the weekend laying a ceramic floor in my basement and my legs and back are sore today but not from the sugery.  I am trying to get the nerve to throw the pads away (1 a day) since it is dry when I get home at night.  I think it more of a security issue for me right now.  I have noticed the dialy(5mg) Cialis is working without me trying...it just happens, so I am hopeful that will return to almost normal.

Tell Ron good job for going to the doc and good healing from this point on.

Ed

Posted 9/21/2010 8:31 PM (GMT 0)

Thank you, Ed!  My goodness, laying a ceramic floor is hard work.  Did you do stretching exercise first?  I am glad to hear that you are doing things and healing well.  Remember our earlier conversation about using woman's mini-pads?  You might ask your wife to purchase them.  They are cheaper than the other pads, and yet will provide you some security.

Ron did not have his PSA tested.  He goes back in two weeks, but I remember reading that Cipro produces an inaccurate PSA reading, so I doubt if the doctor will take it.  I think they are trying to find a doctor that would handle the testicle problem.  One of our fine ladies mentioned an internist.  Ron still needs the pads which is upsetting him, but it sounds about normal for 5 weeks.  The doctor says he is healing normally.

Glad to hear the Cialis (5 mg) is working.  I wish you much luck in that department!

Aimzee

Posted 9/23/2010 1:20 AM (GMT 0)
Mimi,

What great news! I think things are certainly looking up for your husband and this must be a great relief for you also.

Aimzee,

I am so glad about the pain relief. I was actually sad that Ron was in pain. I'm glad you are looking for the right doctor - the underlying issue does need to be found and fixed. I'm sure Ron's recovery will speed up with the reduction in pain.

Ed,
A ceramic floor! You are getting back to normal fast. I'm glad to hear the Cialis is working so well.

My husband was at work full time this week and we will be away this weekend - Paul's cousin has decided to make a snap decision to get married to his long term partner on Friday. He does make sure he has regular orgasms, still all by himself, so that that part of his body has some exercise. He is continuing with his walks and apart from a rule that he will not carry lift too much yet, life is slowly coming back to normal. He continues to not have any incontinence at all.

An
Posted 9/27/2010 1:58 PM (GMT 0)
An, 

  The ceramic floor was quite a job for me crawling on my hands and knees whether I had surgery or not.  I have a right leg below the knee amputation which makes it very difficult.  Last weekend I layed carpet tiles in the family room floor downstairs but that went quick and less hands and knees.  We are trying to finish up some of the projects I have half done in the basement since we expect alot of company this year over the holidays.

  As far as the Cialis goes, I find it works much better if it is taken on an empty stomach or say 2 hours after eating dinner. 

This thread has become quite a popular place and I notice in many other threads that some of the new wives are getting directed here.  That's great.  There is alot of great info and personal feelings shared in this thread between the women and I am glad that I can contribute from the male side.  I have no problem answering any question that one of the women might have to help them relate to their men and what they are going through.  None of us are alone in this as long as we all share and dont be affraid to ask difficult and direct questions.

Thanks Everyone

Ed

Posted 9/28/2010 1:18 PM (GMT 0)
Ed, weren't you suppose to be taking it easy for several weeks?  I told Ron what you did and he cannot imagine doing that kind of work.  Yesterday, he was playing a game of hide 'n seek and got out of breath.  Whatever it is that you are doing, do continue!

Well, Ron has been a bit frisky lately.  I told him the guys here said he should practice a couple times on himself so he can get a sense of the feeling. smilewinkgrin  

I think I am scared of the testicle pain becoming more severe.  We have always had a terrific sex life, but I want him to be healed.  When he goes to the doctor he plans to ask for a script.  Am I handling this wrong?  I thought he was just teasing, but maybe not?

Thanks,

Aimzee

 EDIT:  Ed, I didn't know if I should respond in some way about your amputation.  Please forgive me.


Posted 9/28/2010 2:24 PM (GMT 0)
Aimzee,  Nah..the leg is fine it just limits the knee bending.  I dont know how to take it easy and I think I might get on my dirt bike this weekend for a few minutes.  As for Ron, if he is feeling frisky you might want to go along and not worry too much about his pain as I am sure he will let you know if it causes a problem.  Just let him know that you would like him to tell you if it gets too bad to continue.  Speaking from my own feelings, he might be feeling a little bit like he has lost part of who he was or some of his manhood.  He might be feeling like he needs to prove something to himself or make sure in his own mind that he is ok and everything can get back to normal.  He also might feel that he wants to make you happy and returrn some of the feeling that you have been giving him through your love and support.  Making love to the wife or at least attempting can be an important part of the emotional healing, it has been for me. I hope this rambling has made some sense.  If you would like to discuss off site you can get my email address in my profile.  Good luck and enjoy what you have together.

Ed 

Posted 9/28/2010 3:03 PM (GMT 0)

Thank you, Ed!  What you have written is so much help.  I really think some men worry so much about pleasing their partner or their wife.  Pleasure comes in many forms, at least for me.  One time, I was trying to reassure Ron.  Well, I got big poster board and took a majic marker and wrote 7, 8, 9, & 10.  After a wonderful time, I got out the 10 and stood on the bed, and flashed the poster!

Yes, I think after surgery there is bound to be anxiety about pleasure for both the husband and wife.  Thank you for mentioning the emotional healing.  I think I'll just print up your comments, and it may well open up some dialog.  I could have mentioned this on the main threads, but I feel better coming here.  I know I have seen some of our "team" posting.

I know we are getting to be too long over here. nono   Thank you for taking the time to reply.

Best wishes,

Aimzee

Posted 9/28/2010 10:24 PM (GMT 0)
Hello, everybody. I just discovered this forum the other day and have especially enjoyed hearing from all of the August members. My DaVinci surgery was August 20th. My PSA had gone from the low 5 range to about 6.2, and a DRE at the urologist's office revealed a suspicious "lump" on the left lobe. A biopsy confirmed cancer in all 6 of the specimens from that lobe, though none from the right side. The Gleason was 7 (3 + 4). The surgery went well. It was performed on a Friday morning and I was discharged the following Monday. My worst problems in the hospital involved stomach distension from gas, and inability to have a bowel movement. On Tuesday morning, though, with hip catheter in place, my wife and I went to our favorite breakfast spot. We've walked at least a mile and a half every day from the day I came home, and now more than two miles every day. We went to a baseball game a week after I got home, and I played 18 holes of golf at three and a half weeks, another 18 a four and a half weeks, and nine this morning. Prostate surgery hasn't helped my game, but it hasn't hurt it either. I shot 91 first time out.

The pathology report showed clear margins. Like the bone scan, the CT scan of the abdomen, the rib x-rays, and all the other tests, it doesn't indicate any spread of the cancer. I haven't yet had the follow-up PSA test, though.

Continence issues have also gone well, and I only occasionally am surprised by a sudden sneeze, or when I lift a little more than I should. I've had half a dozen orgasms, but nothing at all in the way of an erection, which is frustrating. I read an excellent book that suggested maintaining a romantic and erotic relationship with your spouse, because who wants to let that lapse on account of prostate cancer and surgery? So, we do more cuddling and spend more time close to one another, and concentrate more than every on her enjoyment.

If all this sounds pretty good, I guess it is, but my life has certainly changed, and I sometimes feel very sad and depressed. I find that people don't understand prostate cancer and underestimate the effect of a cancer diagnosis on an individual. It can be devastating, and frightening, and frustrating, and maddening. Few people appreciate the toll that this major surgery takes on a person's energy and how it affects the psyche.

Good luck to alll of you who, like me, entered this new phase of life in August. I hope that, like me, you're enjoying the autumn weather, and that we all live many, many years....until all this is a vague memory of something bad that happened in our distant past.
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