Father with advanced Prostate Cancer putting Chemo on hold !

I am sorry to read such discouraging news. Like you, we can't know what they were told yesterday, or what is behind this decision. The only thing I can offer is support for you, as it seems they are closing themselves off and shutting down any information flow. As painful and sad as it is to realize, even wrong decisions is still his and or hers to make, no matter how much we disagree with them. Unless you get into mental competency battles, which can be long and expensive, there isn't much that can be done.

Afterthought, is there one son or daughter that they would listen to and share with that could or would be willing to try to intervene?

You're not wasting anyones time..... That's what we're here for

My best wishes to you and your family in this most difficult time. It's so hard to watch some one you love suffer and not be able to help. At this point, the most important thing is to focus on pain relief.

Is it possible that he doesn't want to attempt more chemo and is considering just palliative care at this point? Chemo is hard to tolerate under the best of circumstances. For some people, radiation targeting the bone mets helps with the pain.

Is there a clergy or close personal friend or another family member (perhaps a sibling of his) who he might be willing to talk to?

Don't hesitate to come back with update or more questions or just to share.

These are extremely diffcult situations for both the patient and for the family. If you spend some time on here, you will see men explore what the options are to not pursuing treatment. Questions like "What is it like to die from PC" or What are the consequences of not pursuing HT ?", etc.

Once a patient gets to the chemo stage, it becomes a hard choice to make between staying around a few more weeks or months for loved ones, or just making the pain and nausea stop.

It could be that your father's doctor has told him that chemo may not do any more for his condition. Your mother is in a tough spot if your father has said that he just feels too sick to see anyone, or he just wants to die. She needs to honor his wishes, while going through the pain of watching her spouse slowly go down hill.

Obviously, if you can get your mother alone to talk it out, it would certainly help you and your siblings, but it is really your father that you need to support and honor his requests.

Of course, this is an awful time of year to be going through this, but then there is not really any ideal time to be sick with terminal cancer.

I just hope that you can find peace with this. Perhaps sending your father letters and cards, assuring him of your love would help both of you. We all grieve with you as hear of a PC brother going through this

Sorry to hear your update on your father. Perhaps his pain is such that your mother is trying to protect him and you and your siblings by limiting access to him. And I say this with deep humility as we are bringing my mother home from the hospital tomorrow so that she can be at home to pass away with the help of hospice. But some things I would not let her or anyone else make a choice for me, and one of those things would have been to, or not to see my father. Not to cause conflict, but we are talking about the man who raised me and taught me how to be a husband and a man.

Loved him too much to let that happen. And her too much as well. Keep us posted and I hope things improve soon.

Michael

Where my wife works as a nurse, they have to account for every used up fentanyl patch that comes off the patients. Pretty powerful stuff, was surprised to learn they still use the fentanyl lollipops from years ago. Very effective pain killer, but very deadly if miss used in any way.

Hello and Thank you so much for your feedback !

Nothing has changed in 2 weeks. Right now everything is at a stand still. My parents are getting yet a 3rd opinion tomorrow. Thursday. They are going to a spine DR. They do not want to believe that the cancer has move to his spine or bone.. even though the other DR. did tests and scans.. Meanwhile Chemo is still being put on hold dads psa is dangerously high... My father is in Bed all the time and it seems like his pain is worse. He sleeps a lot.. doesn't want to talk . All six of of kids are feeling helpless. They still do not want us to come out.. Dad said so himself .. i will know more tomorrow hopefully..

worried daughter in Michigan

Hi Shammitt,

When you first posted in '07 your dad had had PCa for eight years, so he'd now be around 11 years and nearing 74/75. When you're my age, he's still a young man. I'm sorry to hear he's in such trouble.

Back in '07 you posted that your parents were in Florida and not communicating well with the children, you and your siblings, in Illinois. It seems things haven't improved in this department. This suggests to me that your dad is a very private person, or at least as far as his PCa is concerned, he's a very private person.

I suspect your mom and dad have made some decisions which they are keeping to themselves, likely in the belief that this is a kindness to their children.

I think all you can do is let your parents know you love them, and if they need anything, to call, and then, again, that you love them.

Sheldon AKA Sleepless

Thanks for the update, and I know all here at HW who read this thread will be sending positive thoughts to you, your siblings, and your mom and dad.

I do hope you'll let us know what, if anything, you find out about the meeting on Thursday. I'm particularly stressed about your father's pain as I suspect most, if not all, of it should/could be controlled. But I'm no doctor.

Sheldon AKA Sleepless