Dads not good

Hello friends,

My Dad finally had his Dr appointment with the spine Dr. He had a MRI done and it is indeed a tumor moved to the spine. My Dads health has deteriorated since Dec. He is in so much pain he cant get out of bed. I guess his car ride to the hospital was hell. He is bedridden.. Rather then all 6 of us kids calling Fla we decided it was better for one of us to call.... My sister called and talked to mom tonight and said she was a mess heartbroken and sad... All this time She was holding unto the belief it was something else. and it was going to be ok... .. The previous Dr. told them a few months ago after the bone scan it had moved to the bone but they were in disbelief with prognosis... Now almost 2 mths later They will start radiation and pain management . I am not sure why chemo was not mentioned possibly because he is so weak... I am not sure what pain management means? Does that involve Hospice ? Not sure what they are going to do with his high psa my mother did not say. I am so sad and heart broken... Not sure what to expect now.. I guess i to was expecting a miracle... Will this pain management make him so drugged up that he will not know his surroundings? How will the radiation help him beside shrinking the tumor? I did have a chance to talk to him last night and he sounded weak but like my wonderful sweet loving Dad. I asked him how was his pain compared t o when I visited in October and he said it had tripled.. He said he knows all of 6 kids want to come see him but he does not want us to see him this way. I am not trying to sound negative at all but i cant imagine not seeing my father again while he is here now.. I love him so much and i am not sure how any of us are going to handle losing our Dad... I want to just jump on the plane tomorrow at least to help mom shes all by her self and that's her husband of 60 years...

Regards, worried daughter in Michigan

Thank you Ron for your support i appreciate it...I wish all of us could go to Fla to be with them.. My father has not seen us together in 10 years..

worried daughter

How old is your Dad? Do you know his PSA number?? One of the most effective pain killers is a drug called fentanyl, usually administered with a patch..After that, yes, Hospice will provide a morphine pump and his passing will be painless...

I would say it's time to pay Dad a visit and take some of the load off Mom...

I am so very sorry to hear about your father.  Putting myself in your father's place I think I would want a visit from my children.  I have three daughters  and I know I would want them there, even though I may not say it.  Fathers are a strange breed, especially when it comes to their children.  We try to shield them from the grief and pain, they have their own issues they may be dealing with, so we try to protect them.  This may be the best time to offer him some in "person" support and comfort. Not to mention the comfort it would provide your mother. Who also needs it now.   

I would tell my children the same.  "I don't want you to see me now." However, a visit from them would go a long way in improving my mental health. I would be trying to shield them from the pain. Who knows, by the time you get there his pain meds may be helping a great deal.  I am not sure I would want a visit from the grandkids though.

Since I have been diagonsed with advanced prostate cancer I have found that I, like many others on this forum, no longer wait till it is convenient to do something.  It used to be I did not pester the kids at work, but now I do. If just to call them and say hello, even though I have some lame excuse that they can see right through.

I wish I had been more attentive to my father and mother befor they passed, but I was not, and I think of that often.

Sometimes it is good to apply the five year rule. That is - don't look back in five years and ask - Why didn't I do that?

Wishing you the best in your decision.

Mr Bill

 

Post Edited (mr bill) : 1/23/2011 7:20:00 PM (GMT-7)