Recommendations?

It's very tough to have the big "C" Although you tell family and friends the outlook is good, they consider cancer to be cancer and ultimately it will take your life. We too may believe that to be the case but don't want others "writing us off for dead." That's a difficult thing to deal with. Before cancer, we had a long term perspective--retirement, vacations, weddings, etc, and now, we think to ourselves, "who knows. Should I have such long term plans and goals?" I am in therapy and he keeps harping on the concept that "why worry about the things we can't control?" Easier said than done. He too seems to be of the mindset that the life expectancy is not good. "Beaten down" is a good way of putting it. I know my facial expression indicates a "weight" and depression. It's something that's very difficult to hide. It changes everything. Having teenage daughters is also difficult. Indeed, I might have a great long term outcome, but do they think so despite all the discussions? Probably not. And that's hard. So, when I speak of post traumatic stress, it's part what "I believe" people perceive of the illness and it's part what "I perceive" of my own of the disease. It's so difficult to deal with trying to predict or figure out what's going to happen. One minute 3+4 is favorable and the next it's not (based on what I read here). The information is endless yet one can make no sense of it all. I wish I had a link. I don't. I wish I didn't have to wait for the next three month test-I do. I wish I wasn't on the short end of the statistics or that I wasn't in that 10% chance group, but the odds have just not been with me. So, I expect the worst and that affects every aspect of daily living.

 Hello. Sorry to hear about your diagnosis but you are smart to do your research. I joined this board in November when my father was diagnosed at age 62 with a Gleason 7 (4+3) and a PSA in the 7's. He opted for robotic surgery with Ketan Badani from Columbia Presbyterian in NY. My parents read Patrick Walsh's book and the book from Dr. Badani called "Robotic Prostatectomy for Prostate Cancer — Is It For You?". My dad thought his book was very informative. He interviewed two other doctors in NY, 1 top rated for robotics and 1 that had previously done open radical but now only performed robotic as well. He opted for Dr. Badani after meeting with him. He had surgery on 1/31/11. I was waiting to post an update until his new PSA is obtained at the end of this month. In any event, he opted for removal over radiation because the doctors said at his younger age (he is 62), that if he did radiation and it returned, the surgery would be more difficult (it then turns into salvage surgery). My father also did not like the potential side effects to your colon and rectum from radiation.

He is happy with his choice of the robotic surgery.  He still has some incontinence but this is common since he is not even 2 months post-op. he would probably say he can go up to 3 pads a day with alot of activity, and has good control while sitting and sleeping. Anyway, i think it is good to interview a few doctors and read those 2 books then make a decision. Just make sure you find out how many surgeries they have done if you opt for that because that is key.

There is also another guy on this board who was in his 40's like you, Paul. He may post later not sure. He was very nice and actually talked to my dad on the phone. You can find him at www.franktalk.org. He created that website and started working in this field as a result of his experience at a young age. My best advice is knowledge is power just check the source and don't let anyone intimidate you. Take notice of how the office and hospital are run. Also in terms of insurance, not sure what yours is but if you have out of network coverage, don't be afraid to talk to a doctor that is out of network. Many times if you ask, they may opt to not charge you all of your coinsurance. My husband had surgery from an oon doctor and he waived the entire 30%. Just make sure the hospital is in network.

Good luck!

 MackAttack

 I am happy to hear you are doing so well.  We are one month until our date with Dr. McGovern.

 My husband and I are getting .  I continue to see your great progress and am very hopeful.

 We were both lucky to find such a wonderful Doctor. I will keep you updated.

 

AJ 47 said...
It's very tough to have the big "C" Although you tell family and friends the outlook is good, they consider cancer to be cancer and ultimately it will take your life. We too may believe that to be the case but don't want others "writing us off for dead." That's a difficult thing to deal with. Before cancer, we had a long term perspective--retirement, vacations, weddings, etc, and now, we think to ourselves, "who knows. Should I have such long term plans and goals?" I am in therapy and he keeps harping on the concept that "why worry about the things we can't control?" Easier said than done. He too seems to be of the mindset that the life expectancy is not good. "Beaten down" is a good way of putting it. I know my facial expression indicates a "weight" and depression. It's something that's very difficult to hide. It changes everything. Having teenage daughters is also difficult. Indeed, I might have a great long term outcome, but do they think so despite all the discussions? Probably not. And that's hard. So, when I speak of post traumatic stress, it's part what "I believe" people perceive of the illness and it's part what "I perceive" of my own of the disease. It's so difficult to deal with trying to predict or figure out what's going to happen. One minute 3+4 is favorable and the next it's not (based on what I read here). The information is endless yet one can make no sense of it all. I wish I had a link. I don't. I wish I didn't have to wait for the next three month test-I do. I wish I wasn't on the short end of the statistics or that I wasn't in that 10% chance group, but the odds have just not been with me. So, I expect the worst and that affects every aspect of daily living.

but your pathology IS very good. You are in the group that IS expected to not be affected long term by this cancer.

I'm a very negative person in general, but only because I love to expect the worse and really celebrate the best. Call me naiive, but I am honestly not where I was mentally just 4 months ago. Everything have been told, and pretty much all I've read validate my general sense of optimism vis-a-vis this battle.

When i think post traumatic stress, I think (guess) that those two months leading up to my surgery from learning I had cancer to educating myself on it and going through the process really battered me emotionally. My guess is that my exhaustion is caused by the need to recover from that.

Bernie83,

It's hard not to be nervous, however, at this point you are on the right track to dealing with the issue at hand. Your husband is in for a challenging month after surgery. You and your husband should make the most of this month. Go away for a weekend or whatever else you can do to try to get your mind off of it.

You and your husband are with one of the best. I'm sure he will be fine.