Well, I wrote a long post but then I hit some key and it's gone.
But, in brief, my point is that when you take any two people, in this case say a married couple, each one has specific areas of expertise.
For example, I am the financial go-to person in our household. I do the taxes. I do a lot of investing (stocks, bonds, options). I also am the computer guru to a small degree. We have a desktop, two laptops, and a netbook (got the last one for ease when traveling and the last laptop was to replace the other laptop that was about to go -- but it won't die). But I digress. I do the AV and Anti-Malware scans on our computers. I update these and also do the Windows Updates. I pay the bills. I am also the PC expert.
If/when I pass, it will be a struggle for my wife in terms of computer updates and handling our investments. I try and get her interested, but she is not interested. She will have no problems paying bills. I have done all the research and made all the decisions about my PC tx. although we definitely discussed at length the major decisions and she has accompanied me to my major appointments before determining the initial tx. But I'm the one posting here and reading all the books.
Now, if Cheryl were to leave this Earth before me, after the devastating emotional impact, I would be lost in the kitchen and laundry room. The house would not get cleaned by me (I would have to hire someone -- I have no interest nor do I want to spend the time doing that stuff).
I guess my point is that the expertise varies from couple to couple. One would think that the person with the disease would do the bulk of the work/research. But I think who we are and our areas of expertise trumps all the other stuff. We have some very caring, intelligent women who post here. Now, maybe the research is a shared event, but I doubt it. I do not see any COUPLE posting here. It's one or the other.
My father-in-law died of PC. He just stayed local and never asked much. Later he got shoulder and upper back pain. He used heating pads and his a-hole doctor(s) just assumed it was some kind of strain or inflammation despite his worsening condition. This was 25 years ago. He never questioned it and I didn't know enough to advise him, although I thought all the time: How do they know it's not the cancer? But, that's the way he was. He was basically a farmer and also drove a truck. His wife was a devoted wife/housewife. This was probably before the internet, but also they had no interest in doing research. I know we have advanced a lot (maybe) in 25 years, but they would have done the same thing (ie: nothing) today.
'nuff said.
Mel