Would you share your techniques?

Guys,

In working on my website and talking to lots of men, I've decided to add a page on rediscovering your sexuality after surgery.  Part of the ordeal is simply getting used to completely different sensations. My first line of attack is to help guys find new ways to m*sturbate after surgery. I had a hilarious talk today with a man who could not believe that one did not need an erection to have an orgasm. Poor guy. Anyway, we probably tried jacking the old standard way and did not find it quite worked as well as it did when an erection was at the ready.

The target audience of this is men after surgery and are discovering that things just aren't working the same anymore. Instead of being depressed, what coud you tell him, or what technique did you use to awaken Mr. Happy after surgery?  Instead of just tugging him to death, did you try anything new, different, unusual etc?  Different stimulation? anal stimulation?

I know some of you may not be crazy about posting this out in the open here - But we've all been there.  And believe me, you have no idea how much posting something like this could help a guy who is getting desperate to feel something pleasurable. But if you are uncomfortable with people seeing it here, would you be so kind as to email me at   [email protected]?

I am making a page to help guys discover their new bodies even when all they have is a limp penis.   I talked to one guy today who says he wished he had had some input that first year after surgery!

The next project will be sex techniques with your partner - yes, there are the books to help with this, but the best news comes from the guys in the trenches!

Thanks so much

Paul

www.franktalk.org

 

Paul, I respect what you are trying to accomplish, but would have to admit I wouldn't be comfortable talking about such matters unless it was one to one with my wife, a very close friend, or one of my doctors. But good luck to you, your goal is a good one.

David in SC

It's a hot topic, but an important one. My replies would likely go to your other website as this is a site all family members come to for support and info, including sons and daughters. But I wish you well and will check your other site.
Michael

I understand, guys, it IS personal stuff, which is why I asked that you just email it if you are uncomfortable with it here - wives and relatives might indeed, feel weird to read your post here. That was the original idea behind why I created Franktalk.org. But it is fascinating that the concept has grown so much according to the need, that that reason is now one of the minor ones! I have learned that there are tens of millions of men suffering in silence with ED- putting up great fronts, even to their wives, but slowly losing their identity of who they are sexually and as men.
But I also firmly believe that open, honest, healthy sexual discussion among guys is really connecting and affirming. In our culture, this is a level of intimacy that the vast majority of guys do not have - which is very unfortunate. I'm not asking anyone to go beyond any boundaries they would feel uncomfortable with.
Thanks guys.
Paul

Paul,
I think the big take away from this post is that: "one did not need an erection to have an orgasm."

The details can and should be supplied on the FT forum. This forum is google searchable and I would be embarrassed if my my name popped up next to some wild sex act.

Jeff

everyone one here has a moniker.

It's up tot he Moderators of course.

I think it is a very important issue. Look, just think of all the poor guys who refuse treatment because they're scared of losing potency and then end up with advanced PCa. Think of how different their reality would be if only they read the countless success stories out there. Think of all the marriages in trouble because of the requirements in adapting to our new reality post surgery. This isn't ****ography, it's valuable information.

I got erections right away pretty much and am doing fine. But it is different right now, no doubt about that. In short, it's very mechanical and doesn't respond well to mental stimulus. Although I see an improvement in that area gradually. I think it's important to discuss these situations and learn from others.

For those of us married 20 years, I think I just takes pushing the limits a little. Married couples who have been together so long typically have to constantly find new ways to spice things up so this healing process is really just part of that anyway. I worry about the guys in new relationships or those that are not in a relationship at all. I can't emphasize enough how important it is for us to have a loving partner through this process.

I'll wait for direction on what is acceptable or not but I wouldn't have anything too crazy to say anyway.

Without getting too graphic, I would just suggest experimenting and finding out what works.  I'm sure that's different for each one of us, but stimulation by physical and/or mechanical means can produce the desired result for most men, I'll bet.  I would also suggest, as a friend told me after my surgery, that orgasm is more a function of the mind than of the body parts.  If the mind is in the right place, the body will follow.

Lets cut to the chase, get kinky, kinky works, but may not agree with an individuals personal values. I have to ask this, cause as much as we all believe in sexual equality et al and some may not think it matters, some do. Paul what is your sexual orientation. As a "straight man " I would rather interact with a female in these " lessons ", if I were at all, which I don't. Not homophobic, one of my sons is " gay ". I sincerely hope you answer the question and not use it to " correct " my " old fashion " concepts. Just hope this isn't a, back door, no pun intended, to a different agenda. If I offended anyone, sorry, I get offended sometime too PS. this is really not addressed at you personally, and believe me I,m a multifaceted guy, But strongly believe its a fair question. Ok I can take the heat, no shame!

Guys, think electric, hand held, vibrator often advertised as a massaging device in places like Sears. These have an electric cord, not batteries. Real good for male and female. You will thank me.

Paul:

I thought this kind of converation was what your Franktalk was suppose to be about, and a place to do it? Just one guy's opinion, but I think its TMI and a bit gross here on HW. There's a time and place for everything.

David in SC

Just for the record, Paul is one of my heroes for having the guts to discuss this stuff publicly and starting Franktalk. It was his openness and sparkling personality that convinced do me it was ok to admit I had ED - and that I could do something about it.

He also makes a great breakfast casserole.
Jeff

I dont see anything wrong with this topic at all. This was my main concern as soon as I found out I had the cancer and started researching stuff. As long as no foul language is used, who cares about the topic as long as it has to do with the cancer which it does.

I think many can learn from this post about possible ways to improve their sex life after surgery. The ones who feel its not right here can skip the post and move on to another. Just my 2 cents.