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Posted 7/20/2011 5:24 PM (GMT 0)
Well, the good news is I just heard from my Uro's office and my 2nd post-op PSA result is in...still <0.1 and still a member of the Zero Club.  :-)

Drinks all round on me!

The bad news is my wife of 15 years has decided to leave me. sad  

Another round on me...Here's to "life happens"...guess I'll be going it alone from here on out.

Posted 7/20/2011 5:31 PM (GMT 0)
Great News On PSA!!! Sorry to hear about what is going on with your wife.  Stay positive!!!!

LIVESTRONG!!!

Posted 7/20/2011 5:32 PM (GMT 0)
Glad to hear it...sorry to hear it - but you won't be going it alone.
Posted 7/20/2011 5:32 PM (GMT 0)
Congratulations on the Zero Club, but I'm very sorry to hear of your marriage situation.  That has to be devastating.  Are you going to be able to get thru this OK?
Posted 7/20/2011 6:20 PM (GMT 0)
RC, glad to hear that your PSA still allows you to stay in the Zero Club.

Not much any of us can say about the other news. Just know that you are not alone out there. Your PCa has brought you to one of the most supportive and nurturing groups that I have ever had the privilege to being a member of. There are a great many of us who have trials and tribulations in our lives that are not just PCa related. Yet I think if the truth be told, the support we find here has allowed many of us to deal with those things a little better.

When any of us speaks out about something that is in our lives other that PCa, we find very quickly that we are not the first to experience it.

One of my very first posts here told the story of how I found out about my PCa while my wife was in the hospital. She also is a cancer survivor. I found out on day 3 of her stay that ultimately wound up with her being in ICU, in a comma for 8 weeks. As much as I learned here about PCa in those first days, I also learned that this site has a tremendous heart.

To this day we continued to be blessed with the outpouring of love and support that we receive here.

You are not alone and we are all here to help, to provide comfort, and to just listen when we need to.

Beating the PCa is just the beginning. You have your life and the promises that it holds for the future. Allow yourself to see those promises, whenever you can. You are not the first to be in this situation and sadly you will not be the last.

Let us know how we can help you through this and call on us anytime. You are a member of this club for life.

Sonny
Posted 7/20/2011 6:21 PM (GMT 0)
Congratulations on your membership in the '0' club.

I hope to be right behind you. I have my first post-op PSA test scheduled for Monday.

Sorry to hear about the marriage woes. But like everything else, you'll get through it. Buying a nice new Harley is sure to help...
Posted 7/20/2011 6:22 PM (GMT 0)
Congrats on the 0. Also it never is easy regardless of the number of years of marriage. My wife left me about 1 month shy of 20 years of marriage. The good news is my current wife of 15 years is 100% better then the other one!

lewvino
Posted 7/20/2011 6:30 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks, guys...Cancer has tought me I have a strong will to live and a limited time in which to do it. I wouldn't say this will be easy, and didn't really see it coming, but I will do what I have to do to get through it. Time to write a new chapter in my life...of course the ED isn't going to help future marketability, but there's more to life and relationships than sex. Anyhow, appreciate the support I find at HW. Thanks.
-Bob R.
Posted 7/20/2011 7:00 PM (GMT 0)
Boy, can I relate to your situation. My wife filed for divorce three months after my robotic surgery. Needless to say, I concentrated on recovering from the PCa. I'm also a member of the zero club (operated on April 2010).
Posted 7/20/2011 7:30 PM (GMT 0)
The stress of PCa will magnify underlying issues.

I know PCa has tested my marriage. Her father (83) is failing

treatment for lukemia.  Know one knows what I am going through

exept my wife.  So I have to try real hard to be compasionate.

I am finding new levels of inner strength.  He was talking to me

last week.  He asked if I thought his lukemia was from his battle

with PCa 13 years ago (external radiation).  We discussed his issues

with no mention or hint of what I went/going through.

If you work it out, or move on, either way, you will be fine.

I must say that the timing is uncanny.

(cling) cheers zero club pal. 

Posted 7/20/2011 8:13 PM (GMT 0)
Congratulations on the zero PSA. Sorry your wife left you. I hope that doesn't leave with another zero $.
Posted 7/20/2011 9:10 PM (GMT 0)
Congrats on the 0 club, and sorry about the wife. I guess no one would want a spouse to stay if they are not happy and can no longer make them happy, even when ill. I always thought that " in sickness or in health" thing was BS wink So, I hope you can look at this as an opportunity to find real happiness Bob.
Posted 7/21/2011 2:35 AM (GMT 0)
rcroller:
congrats on the zero club membership - hoorah! - here's to a lifetime of zero's -smithmeek.com/zeroclub

- very sorry to hear about your wife leaving you - but as others have said - you are NOT alone -
- you have an extended family here that care about you -

-in the past, I have been aware of buddies who's partners have left them due to illness and even on the day of diagnosis - you are hurting with the bad news but at the same time rejoicing in the good news - let's focus on the good....

sincere hugs,
Bronson and Steve

Post Edited (tatt2man) : 7/20/2011 8:39:18 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/22/2011 2:15 AM (GMT 0)
Congrats on the zero...I will pray for your marraige situation.
Lynn
Posted 7/22/2011 2:35 AM (GMT 0)
Bob, while delighted with your zero, I'm stunned at the other news. I can't imagine how you must feel. I know following my surgery my headspace wasn't as strong as it usually is. It's an emotionally strained time at the best of times, and for you, it's not the best of times.

One of the things that brought me peace and comfort when I was diagnosed was knowing how many other people had dealt with PCa and not only survived, but prospered. If they could do it, I figured I'd learn how to do it. I know of many people who have split and soon have found, to their considerable amazement, a significant other and have gone on to many years of bliss. I hope you know such people as well and that their experience will bring you some comfort --- if they can be happier, so can you, Bob.

Onwards and Upwards.

Sheldon AKA Sleepless
Posted 7/22/2011 2:40 AM (GMT 0)
Congratulations on the zero status. I've been in the PCa zero status for more than two and a half years and have recently been diagnosed with lymphoma, a type of leukemia.

I asked my oncologist if there could be any connection between the two disorders and he doesn't think there is. I can only wonder if the radiation I received from diagnostic testing for PCa could encourage the growth of other cancer forms.

Of course I received even more radiation for more diagnostic testing for my current condition.


Best wishes to you and hope you remain in the zero club for a lifetime,

Bob
Posted 7/22/2011 4:30 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks again for the words of encouragement, guys. This has not been an easy time, nor does it look like it will be for a while. I'm afraid 2011 will go down in my personal history as a sucky year, but I keep telling myself "if life hands you lemons, make lemonaide". I may have over done the red wine last night...well, ok...I DID over do the red wine last night...but at least it was a healthy choice in adult beverages. This too shall pass and thanks again for the support. :)
Posted 7/22/2011 4:38 PM (GMT 0)
Bob,

Congratulations on your excellent PSA numbers.  I'm so sorry to read about your marriage.  Take care and hang in there...Tim

Posted 7/23/2011 2:36 PM (GMT 0)
I divorced 7 months after surgery. 8 years and it was over. Sex was an issue but not from ED. She simply didn't like it to begin with. So you can imagine how difficult that made any recovery. Now that she is long gone I'm in a much better world. Getting married in 2 weeks to a beautiful woman. ED is a distant memory and so is the ex. Looking forward to what the future brings and not looking back.

T42
Posted 7/23/2011 3:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Bob,
Let me stick to the good news because there is nothing I can say about the bad news except that it will in time pass. I feel very positive about debulking prostate cancer. By debulking I mean killing the main source of the cancer in the prostate gland and allowing your immune system to fight whatever may be left behind.

Your results so far are good news and we hope that this result will continue for years. At this time we wish you the best possible result and pray that you remain positive to cope with what life has thrown your way.

RalphV
Posted 7/23/2011 4:34 PM (GMT 0)
Hey rcroller,

Congrats on the zero and, well... congrats on the other part too!

You have just been given the "gift of incentive" to get in shape, eat right, exercise, catch up on FaceBook, shave, get some clothes.

Take a picture of yourself now. Go ahead. Do it. I'll wait. ....

A year from now, you will be 15 pounds lighter, slightly tanned, able to do more push ups than you could 20 years ago, and you will have dated at least several women (one nut job, one playful, and two potential keepers.)

You just have to keep it together - one foot in front of the other. Until then keep your income up, your expenses down, your mind clear and your body strong.

You probably think I'm wrong, so... care to make a little friendly wager? Say 20 bucks to make it interesting? I say you will exceed all the statements I made above. If not, I owe you $20. On the other hand, if "yes" then you owe me $20. And if you don't have ED and have dated more than 4 women, you owe $50. You win either way! Deal?

Good luck to you. I hope you lose this bet. Where do you live? Maybe I can fix you up.

Let me repeat.... Congratulations! :)

Jeff
Posted 7/23/2011 5:53 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the continued encouragement. We drafted up a separation agreement this morning and have pretty well worked out the details of how things will go for a while. As far as getting on with my life, I am still trying to envision what that will look like.

T42: Congrats on the upcoming marriage and very encouraging to read that things do work out, even with our other challenges. Wishing you much happiness and all the best in your new life together.

RalphV: So far, so good...remaining as positive as possible recognizing the highest priority right now is survival. Stress won't help the immune system kill cancer so I'm doing my best to just always do the next right thing and try not to express or attract negativity. Doing what I can to heal and hoping for the best possible future.

Jeff: You got it brother. I'll put $20 on that... I've never done Facebook for fear what it might lead to...no fear now! I got in shape a year and a half ago when I had a major intestinal issue and subsequent Sigmoidectomy. I lost about 50 pounds prior to that surgery and have managed to keep 35 of those pounds off....so 15 will get me back to where I was before. I do eat healthy, even more so post PCa, but don't work out. I was saving that one for when I really needed it! lol Since I live in Tallahassee, Florida, I've also got the tan, but not the ladies. My friends tell me just to be myself and don't look...let them find me. Not so sure about that but time will tell. I'd like to look back a year from now to see where I've landed...Right now I've got 100% ED, even with oral meds, and no prospects but if a year from now I don't have ED and have dated more than four women, I'd be happy to pay you the $50. So, we have a deal and it's a win-win either way.
Posted 7/23/2011 6:42 PM (GMT 0)
There you go, Pal! Oh! So, you already started on the pre-divorce health kick. Great. That means you know what to do.

Don't worry about the women. All you need to do is let it be known you are "out there". If you are sober with no IV tracks, gainfully employed, not inked up, and have a BMI below 25, you are in the top 5% of the pack - with or without a working unit. You can still eat ice-cream can't you? Make sure to demonstrate that skill (from a cone not a dish) on the first date.

The separation is a bit of a problem because some women only date guys with clean papers. Like most men, they don't want to be tied up in drama. See if you can push that along. I'd hate to lose this bet on a technicality.

I've already got plans for that $50. Good luck.

Jeff

Post Edited (Worried Guy) : 7/24/2011 6:02:51 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/23/2011 8:25 PM (GMT 0)
Bob, congrats on the ZERO news and I'm sorry to hear about the marital situation. However, as a fellow Florda resident, I can tell you that there are many, many ladies in this state looking for a good man. I understand their priorities to be:

1. A man who can drive.
2. A man who can drive at night.
3. A man who can dance.

If you can manage that trifecta then you are golden. The sex stuff (so I'm led to believe) is way down on the list.

So, celebrate your zero and shine up them dancin' shoes!

Good luck and stay positive...

Tudpock (Jim)
Posted 7/24/2011 2:17 PM (GMT 0)
Bob, sounds like you are continuing to get great advice and support.

I would like to add a couple of things to Jim's desirable traits list. These are from personal experience and female feedback.

A man who doesn't mind cleaning the house and doing the laundry.

A man who loves to share in the cooking and comes up with meal plans on his own.

Now in addition to all of that (which is for the future you) I have another more near-future suggestion.

JOIN THE REST OF US AT THE GFMPH-NY IN SEPTEMBER.

I can promise you that this gathering will be life altering. You will also get a chance to shake hands and confirm the bets and wagers that have been made.

Give it some thought,

Sonny
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