HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

just introducing myself

Support Forums
>
Prostate Cancer
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
1 23 4
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 7/25/2011 4:34 PM (GMT 0)
Worried Guy, wow I can relate 100%. I am a part owner of a small family owned business and worry that if my competition finds out they would some how try to benefit from this. Besides I hate the thought of them celebrating. Also none of my employees know for now.
Posted 7/25/2011 4:42 PM (GMT 0)
When my wife and I sat in the waiting room to see the urologist for the first time I scoped around the room to see who looked like they might be my age and everyone looked much older. I sat there wondering is this abnormal for someone at 51 to have PC? Then its like ok I never smoked in my life, workout, eat right, how is this happening?
Posted 7/25/2011 4:46 PM (GMT 0)
And too good looking, ha.
Posted 7/25/2011 4:57 PM (GMT 0)
Yep! Exactly the same! Except for the age. I was 56. Never smoked, not overweight, active, perfect BMI. All my parts work great (ALL of them) no pains. PSA 17?!? Ridiculous! Obviously, there was a mix up. Some poor slob got my low score and I his.

Regarding the secrecy. I, too, have a small business (that is expanding very rapidly by the way) and need to exude confidence from every pore.

By not telling anyone, I cannot "play the PCa Card." It makes recovery 3x harder but it does shorten things. Plus, I was "blessed" with the pleasure of enjoying moderately severe incontinence for 18 months. I got very good at swapping out pee pads and could do it so quickly nobody noticed.

For me. Silence is still golden
Jeff

You will have lots of doctors visits and the surgery will knock you out, so start working on a cover story now. I used my aging Mom as an excuse. Scheduled a "vacation" in Florida.

Post Edited (Worried Guy) : 7/25/2011 11:00:41 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/25/2011 5:09 PM (GMT 0)
Whom to tell, when to tell, how to tell, whether or not to tell is an interesting thread in its own right.

This past weekend, four of us went to play golf and found the front nine closed for a Breast Cancer Awareness scramble and fundraiser.  A giant pink ribbon was emblazoned on the side of a hill.  People were wearing pink, and a pink trophy was set aside for the winners of the scramble.

My brother-in-law, who has never had prostate cancer, was actually angered by all this.  His point was:  why don't we see similar events for prostate cancer?  Why are prostate cancer surivors so reluctant to talk about their illness?  Why is prostate cancer so rarely discussed?  Why do prostate cancer survivors sometimes think there's a stigma attached to being diagnosed and treated for prostate cancer?   He wanted to buy some blue spray paint and paint that giant pink ribbon blue! 

AlthoughI don't go around yelling, "Hey, I have prostate cancer, " I haven't hidden my prostate cancer from anyone, and I can honestly say  that I can't think of anyone who relates to me differently now than before.  They don't cut me any slack on the golf course or in the workplace; they neither coddle me nor tiptoe around.  I've been completely upfront about my illness and have found zero reason to regret that.  I find it easy to treat this unpleasant fact about my life with a bit of humor most of the time  (black humor is still humor).  It's a footnote about me, not the big thing. 

Obviously not everyone feels that way, and I can understand Worried Guy's "worries,"  but I think we survivors really need to try to do all we can, in every way we can,  to encourage awareness and acceptance of prostate cancer.  Hey, I'm also bald, have bad eyes, crooked toes, a too-large belly.....those things and prostate cancer are facts about me that I can't change and will not hide.

I hope you'll talk to your daughter.  I'll bet her reaction will surprise and comfort you.

 

Posted 7/25/2011 6:56 PM (GMT 0)

Michael,

Believe me, I know exactly what you’re going through, as do many others on this excellent forum.

This past May, I received my own diagnosis.  Like you, my PSA at the time was 5.  Sheesh, I’m only 49 years old.  I don’t smoke, work out 5 days a week, not excessively overweight, no history of PCa in my family, etc.  I thought PCa was some disease that old guys got.  I’ve since learned just how naïve I was. 

I had my robotic surgery on June 9th.  Although it wasn’t something that I relished, I felt it needed to be done and it wasn’t entirely difficult to get through.  Here I am 6 weeks later, and life is almost back to normal.  I’m still dealing with some incontinence but I keep telling myself it will get better. Later this afternoon, I go to the doc’s to have my first post-op PSA blood test drawn and results should follow later this week.  Of course, I’m hoping for the best but for some reason I’m not at all stressed about it or dwelling on it.  I guess it is what it is and I’ll accept what may come.

I’ve chosen to tell only a select few about my situation: my boss, and just a few close friends.  No one in my family knows.  I mean, it’s not like they are going to be able to do anything about it except worry.  Why put them through that?  If the time comes that I find myself out of treatment options, only then will I let anyone else know. 

For support, I found friends here on this forum.  Who else can you really confer with other than those who have gone before you?  Sure, the doctors will tell you all about the technical aspects of this disease and how he / she will treat it.   But it’s the folks here on the forum that provide the nuts and bolts of how to handle some of the more every-day, personal things.  That has meant a great deal to me and I’m sure as you travel this road, you may find the same.

Good luck to you on your journey and be sure to keep checking in here, everyday if necessary, to let us know how you’re doing.  Getting the load off your chest does wonders to keep the stress levels down and can only help your recovery go that much smoother no matter what treatments you choose.

Posted 7/25/2011 11:57 PM (GMT 0)
Michael, sorry you have to be here but welcome. Here are a couple of thoughts re your posts and situation:

1. With your stats the chances for cure are very good no matter what treatment you choose.

2. You might consider getting your biopsy slides read by an expert like Epstein at Hopkins or Bostwick at Bostwick Labs.

3. I understand that your choice of the moment is surgery but due diligence would suggest that you consult an experienced radiation oncologist. Brachytherapy might be a good option for you...providing equal cure rates with surgery but much less onerous side effects. You may still end up choosing surgery but at least you will be thoroughly educated and have explored options...this is a big deal with no do-overs.

4. Your signature indicates that the cancer is confined to the prostate. This is very likely but with all due respects to your doc there is no way of knowing this at this point.

5. My experience is telling people was much like clocknut's. My daughter was 24 at the time and would have been very upset if I had left her out of the loop. And, I have not really kept this a secret from anyone...it's prostate cancer for cryin' out loud...not an STD...and nothing to be ashamed of.

Hope this helps and good luck.

Tudpock (Jim)
Posted 7/26/2011 10:17 AM (GMT 0)
Its the word "CANCER" that has me hesitating on telling my daughter.I'm thinking off telling her that I'm having prostate surgery but leaving out the cancer word for now until later on...whats a lest scarer word?
Posted 7/26/2011 10:42 AM (GMT 0)
Cmetal, as a wife, I can attest to the fact that hearing the words "I have prostate cancer" can shake your world. We hear "cancer" and think it's all over. Yet, millions of people are surviving the disease every day. When it comes to prostate cancer, the percentages are in your favor but, as with any cancer, there are no guarantees.

I wouldn't sugar-coat the situation with your daughter but hopefully between now and when you actually speak with her, you will have gained enough knowledge to assure her. You don't want her to be blind-sided in the event that your surgical pathology report comes back more serious than initially thought...that wouldn't be fair to her. My suggestion is to tell her you have been diagnosed with PCa, that 1 out of 6 men will hear that news in their lifetime, and that the majority of men survive with no further treatment. Your Gleason 6 means that you are considered low risk but the Gleason score can be upgraded after surgery because the initial Gleason is a best-guess based on a couple of biopsy samples.

My husband lived a "clean" life as well - never smoked, rarely drank, plays tennis and is active. He is the only man in his family to have prostate cancer but his mom had breast cancer and there is some research showing a possible link between the two. There's no way of knowing hence the importance of regular check-ups. After surgery, you will continue to have your PSA monitored on a regular basis for the rest of your life.
Posted 7/26/2011 10:43 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your replies and advices. I'm stilling lifting weights and doing cardio work, I'm hoping to continue until the weekend before surgery which falls on a tue. I'm trying to keep doing everything as if normal.
Posted 7/26/2011 10:51 AM (GMT 0)
Sephie thank you, I will tell her.
Posted 7/26/2011 11:02 AM (GMT 0)

Hey Metalman

I'm in clocknuts cnr, agree with everthing he says in his reply. except for the personal attributes, Who to tell?? Personally I don't give a rats rear end who knows, I told family, friends and work mates, I have since had calls from 2 guys who have elevated PSA levels and are on the merry go round. I hope all is ok for them but a least I know they have a better chance if getting on to it sooner.

I sat my children down (3) all over 17, and spilled my heart out, fears, worries, hopes, plans and then answered all their questions, tears? yep. but we moved on and at least they know we have no secrets and hopefully when they need help they will speak to me and I can help, not keep it to themselves.

Come on it's like Tupdock says "IT IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF" it is this mentallity that keeps it in the back ground and not on the front page like breast cancer. no one has given me any quarter at work or anywhere, I just get the bloke thing "you all right" "yep" and that is it.

goodluck Ausboy.   

Posted 7/26/2011 11:15 AM (GMT 0)
Its not I'm ashamed of it,its that I'm the one that my daughter can always count on being there for her.I've always been the guy you can call if you need help working on the house, etc.
Posted 7/26/2011 11:16 AM (GMT 0)
Its not I'm ashamed of it,its that I'm the one that my daughter can always count on being there for her.I've always been the guy you can call if you need help working on the house, etc.
Posted 7/26/2011 11:16 AM (GMT 0)
sorry double post
Posted 7/26/2011 11:29 AM (GMT 0)
I'm doing a night shift job this week working on an elevator and I goughed my forehead a bit (so much for my good looks),no bandages so I used masking tape which worked ok.Drives my wife crazy when I come home with tape covering my cuts.. now back to the prostate.
Posted 7/26/2011 11:39 AM (GMT 0)

Metalman

she will still count on you, and you will still be there, this (pca) will be like a speed bump, you will get over it pretty soon, and look back and it will be all a blur. Your young, low numbers and healthy, you just need to be prepared for the "side effects" and deal with them as they arise, it's a lottery and no one really knows where they will land post op. I hope you do well and I am sure your family will be ther for you as you are for them.

Good luck Ausboy 

Posted 7/26/2011 11:45 AM (GMT 0)
Ausboy thanks, I'm looking forward to being welcomed to the other side. I really do appreciate all the support and advice that everyone has given me here.
Posted 7/26/2011 4:32 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Cmetalman (Like iron man but with more options)

In case you forgot, I'm the healthy guy with the small business who elected to say in the PCa closet.

I was able to hide the DaVinci surgery and recovery but I could not hide the sling that followed 18 months later. That was a killer. If I had to tell people I simply said I had a "procedure on my naughty bits. Want to hear the details?" Nobody did.

If/when you tell your daughter, make sure to mention that you are telling HER, not her facebook friends, not her best friend, not her boyfriend. HER! You do not want the info getting out. Is she trustworthy? Have you looked at her FB page? Does she like to blab? Only you can answer these questions.
I didn't tell my Mom for two reasons 1) It would have not helped my situation one bit and only caused her needless worry and 2) She would immediately call A, who would call B, who likes to use the internet to send jokes to D,E, and F, who has a son who uses FB for everything. The world would know within seconds.

You can always tell your daughter you are have a common "procedure done on my naughty bits. Want to hear the details?" She will say "No".
My "kids", boys in their late 20's early 30's) knew that they would have their naughty bits removed if word of my rotten walnut got out. They are not prone to gossip.

Remember, once released, it is impossible to put the PCa gossip genie back in the bottle. It's your call.

Keep your 7014 stick dry,
Jeff

Post Edited (Worried Guy) : 7/26/2011 10:37:47 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/26/2011 4:49 PM (GMT 0)
Worried Guy, thats funny I was actualy going to tell her that it was a "guy" thing, but I'm sure I'll give her little more information maybe bits at a time? I personally don't do facebook. I'm not a welder but a metal polisher.
Posted 7/26/2011 4:53 PM (GMT 0)
Michael:

I haven't posted much, but read the forum daily and I want you to know that I am from the Philly area and if you need anyone to talk to feel free, I can supply my contact info if requested. The guys on this board are great and supply a lot of excellent information, since all have been through it, too. It is a difficult journey that we all are traveling, we don't want to but we have no choice. I work for one of the Hospitals in the are where they perform the surgery, we have two Da Vinci robots here, but the sucess of the operation is in the experience of the surgeon, which has been stated numerous times on this board. My Urologist spent two hours explaining all the options before I made my decision to have the surgery first. I can ramble on but will stop for now.

Joe
Posted 7/26/2011 4:59 PM (GMT 0)
My mind has been going crazy trying to figure out how to tell her. One, do I take her out to dinner and tell her? Do I tell her at her apartment? Should I wait till her son is at his father's house? Should it me just me and her or should I bring my wife (her stepmom)? Should I have her at our house?
I keep dwelling on what will go through her mind after I talk to her.
Posted 7/26/2011 5:03 PM (GMT 0)
JerseyGuy, what are doing you on the other side of the bridge? I'm in Havertown, The procedure is going to be in Bryn Mawr Hospital.
Posted 7/26/2011 5:25 PM (GMT 0)
Two weeks ago my wife and I rented a place on the boardwalk in Ocean City, Jersey. It was great not thinking about the PC, at times I forgot about it. Crazy thoughts like what if I/we moved to another country and started over would the PC follow me? Do I get a do over?
Posted 7/26/2011 5:29 PM (GMT 0)
I have family in Havertown and I used to train, many moons ago, at the Kung fu school at Darby and Eagle Rd. Grew up in Phila, moved to S. Jersey to have a better place for the kids to grow up in. They are grown now, Bryn Mawr is a great hospital, also.

Regarding who and when to tell people, that is a personal decision, I personally don't care who knows, because I am of the belief that the more people know the more this disease will get the "AIR TIME " it deserves and more funding for research. I have a facebook account and that is the one area where I won't blab it, because there is too much personal information out there on the internet already. I work in IT and you have to watch what you put in a public profile.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
1234