Was all this worth it?

I am right there with you, and I checked my T level and it was borderline low. BUT.......Things are getting better...I am 10 months out now..cancer free and a family and a great life! there is always the blues to contend with, just keep on keeping on....and if things dont get better quickly, just wait there is always a reason for the trials we go threw.

hang in there bud!

The incontinence is REALLY depressing..Depression can feed on itself, a vicious circle that leads to the point where you are now...It's like being sucked into a black hole...

I would make a lot of noise about how unhappy you are with the incontinence, how it's making you miserable, and ask what can be done..Focus yourself on that one issue and get it resolved, one way or another..

"Was all this worth it??" Who knows?? But one thing is for sure, it happened and it's done. There is no going back now..So don't look back, there is nothing there for you...Concentrate on making TOMORROW a better day than today was..Remember that old Stones song?

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try real hard, you just might find, you get what you NEED......

Avoiding the dirt nap is always worth a fight. That's what you're doing, fighting the cancer! The battle may be long, but it can and will be won!
Hang in there, you're not alone by any means. I too have wondered the same thing. Before surgery it was worse, I wondered if it just was my time and I should fold and throw in the towel. I think I'll continue the fight.

Hello Biker,

I have had the same thoughts lately about my treatment option. Sometimes I think man I have ruined my sex life, (not that it was all that great but at least I had a chance of having one), suffered through two years of hot flashes and lethargy, got fat, and spent a bunch of money only to wind up in 8 years where I would have had I never been tested for PSA nor treated for PCa. However, at the time, I recall considering myself lucky to have made the discovery and optimistic even though the odds of a cure were low. I was ready to face the day. I'll bet some of those thoughts went through your mind as well. Revisit them.

I cannot speak personally about the surgical experience but 8 months seems a bit short for full recovery... at least based on what I read here and there. To repeat what has been said make some noise with the doc and do not let him blow you off. If you need some help with depression take the pills. The tired feeling is partly due to the body recovering from the surgical assault. I had a hernia operation done laproscopically and it took me a year plus to feel normal again. And I kept saying to myself when is this feeling of exhaustion going to end? But it did and yours will too. As your body heels your mental state will improve as well.

Biker, I hope that things begin to turn for you soon. Keep your chin up.

Don

 

Hey Bikerider,

I'm just about where you are in many respects. Eight months out from surgery, 2-3 pads a day... the whole bit.

I too have wondered about whether it was worth it, but Fairwind is right: Looking back is useless.

There's lots of great stuff in this thread, and I urge you to read it through a couple times. A guy I work with went through PC surgery a couple years ago and warned me before my surgery about depression. I think what you're going through is common.

I also agree with Don; eight months does not a full recovery make. Give it some time, but that doesn't mean you have to be passive about your condition.

Susan has been a fountain of wisdom in this thread. Read her post four or five times. It's good that you're talking to your doc, and definitely inquire about imipramine. There are also other anti-depressants that have the side effect of improving continence. Cymbalta is one.

Susan is is also correct in pointing out that you've got other options for incontinence. If time and medications don't help, a couple guys here have had great success with the male sling. My doc has urged me to consider it and says it's a very minor surgery. Worried Guy says it changed his life. Consider it.

There may be things you can do about impotence as well. Bimix and trimix are two possibilities that have worked miracles for some guys. I wouldn't give up on a sex life without trying all the well established possibilities.

Most important, take Susan's great advice and go easy on yourself. By all means do check into some treatment for depression; perhaps that can improve your incontinence at the same time. While you're at it, make sure you take good care of yourself. Eat well and get some exercise. Long daily walks in the woods can be an amazing anti-depressant. Emphatically do the things that make life worth living. And do follow through with your doc. You've survived cancer. Your mission now is to make your life better.

Best of luck to you, and please let us know how you're doing. There are a lot of people here who've been through this, and there's always a lot of great information and empathy available here. Most of all, hang in there. I believe if you hang on and follow-through, life will get better for you.

Jonathan

>>You are no different than many of us.<<

i think we have all been through hell.  i took an anti-depressant through treatment and early on just wanted to die. i didn't have sex for more than a year and packed on nearly 30 lbs. you're doing the right thing by talking about your depression.  take care.

ed

 

bikerider - sorry to hear you are on the downswing of the post-op rollercoaster
- it can get bad at times, and as others have said - focusing on the good can help even up the score of the shoulda/would/coulda scorecard - but it may be more beneficial to work on getting the best out of the new normal - and even at eight months - things can get better -
-talk to your wife / doctor/ minister - about how you feel and work together to get back on track... there was a reason for fighting the cancer before surgery - maybe you could rediscover that reason now -
-wishing you a clearer brighter journey
sincere hugs,
Bronson

p.s. have you gotten on your bike lately? -

I watched my dad die from prostate cancer. It's no fun. So, if you gave yourself a good chance of avoiding that, then yes I think you did the right thing. Don't second guess your decision.

biker,

so you feel so depressed and upset with your current situation. your original question is a good and fair question, and many, if not most of us have had to wrestle with exactly what you describe.

there's nothing fair about getting cancer, nothing fair about complications and long lingering side-effects, but it comes with the turf when fighting a cancer battle. each of us has to fight our own unique battles along the way, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but you got to keep going at it the best you can.

the best advice i can give, and speaking from first hand experience, is to never give up hope. when some of your current issues eventually resolve, you will feel much better about yourself in general. the main goal, of course, is to stop or eradicate the cancer. the rest of the issues are secondary to that goal, but admittedly annoying and disturbing when they linger for months on end.

Prostate surgery is a very major and complex surgery, and 8 months out isn't that long in the bigger picture of things. My own surgeon said that even if everything goes well, to expect at least a full year to recovery properly, and that's assuming that you don't have other issues hindering your recovery.

At this point, you sound fed up with the whole process, and I can fully empathize and respect that feeling. Been there and done that.

Keep in touch with our community here, lot of good information, and more importantly, a lot of good heart felt support from the brothers and sisters among us. We have a common enemy, and a lot of combined experience in dealing with it.

I hope you feel better about your situation and your general well being soon, and again, never ever give up hope. We are all here for you, ask anything you want, anytime.

David in SC

Hang in there. I was there at one point .. depression. I have been on HT since surgery to achieve castrate levels of T. I remember saying I felt like I was inhabiting a different, strange body that I did not recognize. I made it through the dark days. You will too. It may be a cliche type recommendation but I really, really believe exercise can make a difference. I know it helped me a lot.

bikerider,

this sounds like a very positve turn of events for you, i am so happy to read this post. your T-level is almost back to where it should be. working on both your tiredness and ED issues should improve your physical and mental well being. I have a standing script for antidepressents, that are there if I feel I am losing it. So far, I keep trying to tough out all the difficulties and pain associated with my own journey.

good luck, as you continue forward

david

To some, it may not have been worth it, if they expected life to be just like it was. It most likely won't be, no matter what treatment choice they made. And, if they made no decision, it would not be worth it after a few years, then a painful death.

I believe the key is to consider it a reboot of life. If your life is defined by your ability to have erections, or even having perfectly dry pants, then you may have to change your definition. I came to the conclusion that my life was more defined by my love of my family and friends, my work, my contributions to those around me, and just a plain enjoyment of life itself. Camping, hunting, fishing, spending time with my little dog, all make me happy. I have made some great friends here, and have enjoyed immensely spending time with them.

So, the point of my post is, what may have made me happy before is not necessarily where I find my pleasure today. I have had to find new ways of making love to my wife. My pleasure is found in pleasing her, instead of having the big orgasm. It took me 8 months to throw away the pads, and still have a leak here and there. I am happy to be as good as I am. A Gleason 9 is happy to be anything.

You will get better. There are fixes for ED, and incontinence. It can be worth it, if you take the time to find the things in life that are really important.

That is why I chose to be called Goodlife.