Intimacy

Hi,

Major huge blessing today...little blip on my breast is removable in office. Thank you Jesus, love, Kathy.

Energized and Nick, thanks for the anniversary wishes. Ian is a keeper, for sure. His appointment....well, he received his shot for the low bone density, but the oncology doctor didn't give him any answers about Trimix or the pump. He said to ask Ian's URO. Blast, now we wait for another appointment. Can't they tell this girl is excited and about to blow a fuse??? lol

I hope both of you are having a great day!
Kathy

Hi Susan,

Thanks, I realize I need to keep up with my health issues as well. I thought his URO was most likely the one to talk to, he is amazing. Dr A is in a very large practice near us. Ian's initial appointment was for a problem urinating...thought maybe an infection. He finally came out to the waiting area, white as a sheet, looked at me and whispered, "I have cancer." We left the office, stood in the hall and cried like children. After the determination that the cancer was still contained in the prostate, Dr A told Ian he had trouble sleeping after that first visit...his experience was almost none of his patients who had a prostate that felt the way Ian's did was ever contained. He became aggressive with the treatment and has a fabulous group with their own specialties. The doctor who did Ian's seed placement was trained for that procedure at Harvard under a fellow whose name I forget now. Anyway, I am telling you this because we both trust Dr A so much...he is a gentle man with beautiful eyes. He gives the impression he will take care of you no matter what... we feel so blessed to be under his wing. Gives me another chance to talk to him again...am sure if there is some light in this tunnel, Dr A will find it.

Kathy

Kathy

LAUGHS!! Come to Cajun Jeff's! GFMPH has offically started today when Sonny showed up.

HUGS!!

Oh and glad to hear the blip is of no concern!

Bud

I am not usually in this mood, try to wait until it passes but I am really p-off today. This is not my fight single handed, someone else here needs to get involved. How many doors do I have to open, how many introductions do I need to make, how much begging do I have to do? I am lower than dirt at this moment. Help me.
Kathy

Thanks so much Southern,

The beginning of May, but at this moment, I could care if it is scheduled in 2013. I am tired of this, being the only one who seems to care about options, his health, support groups, whatever. Why spin my wheels is he isn't onboard about life? I am coming to the point, if he wants to sit here and fret about dying, go for it. I told someone the other day I would drag him along if necessary but think maybe I am unrealistic and should let him fall. He would have to pick himself up at least, and walk unaided.

Kathy

Southern,

You are so right. He is on depressant medications, but seems to want to be a solitary figure except where I am concerned. I think you know a little bit about me by now, I am a staunch, loyal partner. I am and have been by his side dealing with whatever has come down the pike. I think it is grossly unfair to expect me to try to make his life better with out his participation. I can't seem to motivate him...my family have said all along I baby him to much. Maybe this is payback...

I realize you can't help me more than you just have...thanks for your comments and concern. I vented and will let this go. Have been here before and will again.

I hope you are doing well,
Kathy

Seriously...in BR? No way, go back to the crawdaddies and whatever else is on the menu.

You guys are so wonderful to me but WILL NOT INTERRUPT WITH GFMPH IN ANY WAY AT ALL.

Taking a deep breath, and look forward to hearing about your trip on Monday.

xooxKathy

Wow, thanks 142...I am so grateful to hear from you and others in BR. Eh, sometimes you just gotta blow a fuse. lol
It's so nice to know though that I am not alone, makes a huge difference. I am sure ego or macho-male attitudes do not play into this. He is afraid and by remaining silent, his condition disappears.

Now, you get back to the fun...thanks so much for thinking of me. Have you ever heard of a B-52? It's my favorite drink, have one for me when you are out. Rad Bud will carry you home.

Kathy

Kathy,
When all met you in a moment of despair back on April 9th when you started this thread. It was encouraging for all of us to chime in and help you and Ian and see despair turn in to hope and optimism. One could see the joy and humor in your words and story. We got to love this side of you. Obviously not everyday can be a great day but on balance we all like to have more good days than bad days. Yeah, this cancer thing is the S*#t's for sure and it beat me up pretty bad, probably in the "depression zone" where you disengage and nothing matters because it is all consuming. For me it was part of the journey process. I hated it. Not fare for my wife to be responsible totally for this nor was it fare for her to shoulder such a tremendous burden alone - walkbyfaith (hubby's wife) realized this in the early stages and sat down and discussed this out with her husband. There is a thread I started a few days after I joined HW back in late February 2012. titled something like "How to help your wife through these difficult times" try to search for it as there was a lot of great advise. While I notice my own depression, I guess I noticed it effected my wife and even my daughter. Until my PCa I was always had the half full glass attitude towards life and any situation, always finding a way to excentuate the positive. This PCa unfortunately beat me up and got the better of me. You have heard the old saying "misery loves company" It's awful.

What hurt me more than anything was to see the effect on my wife, thus the posting of that thread on HW. So caring so much for my wife, I kicked my butt into gear to get motivated to help her and at the same time to help myself. It is not a switch on and just happens, but a work in process. We've come along way in a short couple of months and still improving.

So realize you can only do so much and Ian has a responsibility to you and himself to seriously kick his own butt to seek improvement. Maybe you have seen the movie Shawshank Redemption (great movie by the way) one of the main characters Andy Defresne and one of my all time favorite lines is "GET BUSY LIVING, OR GET BUSY DYING"

I think I speak for all of the caring members here at HW, we would strongly encourage Ian to "GET BUSY LIVING" it is far better than the alternate, wouldn't you agree?

Terry

Thanks Nick and Energized,

Nick...your wife is a doll...love talking to her. We both feel the same way about many things. Thanks for your comment and advice. Especially the advice about joining the ladies forum. Kathy

Energized...Shawshank Redemption...one of my favorite movies, and yes I remember the phrase. As I said, his silent treatment of this illness does nothing benefical and doesn't make it go away. It is what it is and we must deal with it...both of us, not just me. Oh, I am way ahead of you, there maybe some serious butt kicking real soon. lol

Maybe one of those carnival machines, throw the ball at a hole and if it goes through the hole the person sitting on a seat falls into water. Brilliant...except will turn Ian around and...you know where I am going.

Thanks again for your encouragement.
Kathy

Sir Ian, gobsmacking great idea, a little butt kicking never hurt anybody. This is plain and simply fantastic news - "GET BUSY LIVING" Kudos to you both. Your futures are so bright together, it's burning my eyes already.

Best to you both!

Terry

Kathy mentioned his "lordship" was from England and quipped about your British sense of humor. I get that, so I couldn't resist the "gobsmacked". I'm from Southampton, but don't hold that against me. No worries, so your first significant step separate from your butt kicking from Kathy, is acknowledging given your Pca you were not in a happy place (we all get that too), there is a saying you can't change what you don't acknowledge - see so you've made it that far, that's a very good thing. So you want to change, great sounds like you now have the desire and motivation - perfect!!!! We've all gotten to know Kathy through this link, she is such a sweetheart and thinks the world of you, just in case your already didn't know that. So continue to hold each others hand and hearts (as well as any other parts you may wish to as well) through the healing stage and even get giddy all over again with each other. Go out of your way to make each other happy, little things everyday and I guarantee you will see how much brighter your tomorrows become. So my wife has just come in the door, time for me to tell her I love her and make her

a cocktail (no, no that's a drink Ian)

Cheers, enjoy all of your tomorrows!!!

Terry