New at this

I am the wife of a husband newly diagnosed prostrate cancer .He was diagnosed Feb.3rd.He will be 65 in May.To say the least is that it hit us like a ton of bricks.My husband has always been in good health and has always gotten reg.check ups.Unfortunately for the last 5 years they have been at the local vet clinic. I am not critizing the whole Vets medical but it really has some dooies for Dr. My husband stated having pain in his knee about a year ago and was given a tetnus shot and told to take it easy.HE thought it may be from exercising too much so cut back on the stair stepper.Then last May he got diarrhea really bad and went to the Dr.The doctor wondered what he was doing there.My husband knew something was wrong but was not sure what .The year before he had a colonoscopy and had colitis so he asked for another colonoscopy.The DR said it was not needed but had him get one.It came back clear so my husband went on. A couple months later they changed his cholesterol
Medicine from so or to crestor.He started getting muscle spasms and pain in his back and leg.He went back to the VA and they told him to go off the crest or for a week.After a week it was not better so he went back.The VA told him to go back crestor( not even a blood test to check)Any way he went back to his family dr and that is when all the fun began. Psa (133.6) chest xray clear,biopsy Gleason score 9 and then bone scan with mets throughout his bones.Urologist started him on Cosedex for a week then a Luperon shot .He goes back on his 65th birthday to see how it is working. Have read alot and changed his diet.Wish he would read some of your posts but he is one that worries alot and any little bump throws him .Needs meditation and his blood pressure has gone up . A great thing happened in all this. I came into the bathroom after he took a shower( no he was not erect),I saw a small spot on his back that I thought was a blackhead! Turned out to melanoma that had gone thru four layers of skin .Got taken out and had a scential node biopsy and it was clear. One cancer down and one to slow down!!!!!!! Thank you all for your posts because without them I would not know what to expect. Luci

Thank you Jeff
I am sure we have a long journey ahead of us,but prayers are the answer.We have no contol over any of this but I know someone is looking out for us from up above and has given me alot of blogs to get answers that will help.My prayers to you and yours also. Will be sure to update when we get any news.Am going to ask the urologist about radiation on specific areas if that will help.My husband had really bad pain in his groin,and back before the Luperon injection and that went away although he did have flares after his surgery on his melanoma but I read flares are normal about 7 to 10 days after the injection.He did take vicadin for a couple of days but is know on only an aspirin a day and only has a and ache in his back sits to long.He keeps busy to help him not think about it .He goes to a Vietnam vets group 3 other vets have pc so it helps him listening to there experiences. Thank youagain

Thank You Boogee, Will watch for your updates .Seems like we are at the same place with treatment . Will keep a prayer in my heart for you and your husband and await positive results in May. PC has brought my husband and I closer but it is alway wonderful to have another wife to confide in!!!!!! Thank you Luci

Hi Luci,
I'm sorry you and your husband are going through this, but you are fortunate to have found his most helpful site. You probably already know this, but your husband is eligible for a 100% VA disability compensation, and if he hasn't done so, he should apply immediately. Good luck. Gus

A lot of?

Having made it 14 months with Gleason 9 and having watched my sweetheart try and deal with not only prostate cancer but severe and aggressive prostate cancer at 51. I think is some regards it is easier for the one to have the cancer than being the loved one who is terrified about what the future may bring. I am so grateful for this forum because I have been able to not only ask questions and get great information, but as a man, I have also been able to share what I was feeling and have it validated as well by so many great PCa brothers and spouses. I can not share what I am experiencing with my sweetheart since she has can't deal with it. This website has been wonderful to my health both physically and emotional.

We are all here to help in any way we can.

Best wishes as you and your husband proceed down this horrific path.

Luci, your husband is in the brooding stage. He will likely be this way until he chooses his treatment. I tended to share my deliberations with my wife, but not all men are willing to open up; for some I suspect it is their way of "protecting" you from what they are feeling. Or they might not like the feeling of helplessness - we are used to being in control of our lives, and this is something completely out of our control.

I do promise you that things will get better for him when he has gotten enough information to make a decision, and when he makes a decision on treatment. Most guys get a feeling of peacefulness just making that choice - we get to take back some control over our situation.

Forgive me for possibly second-guessing what your hubby is going through, but not only for myself, I've seen a lot of guys on this site (and friends I have direct contact with) go through this. I know for me, it was the most terrifying thing I had ever gone through. If not my wife, I at least wanted my kids to be sheltered from what I was feeling.

Hang in there. You're right, more info is better - the appointment in May should be very helpful.
Jeff

Alofof?

Like Im_Patient, I was in a state of shock for six weeks after being told over the phone all of my new and exciting news about the journey I was embarking on. I spent most of the time reading all I could about this darn disease. The best thing you can do, is to read as much as you can, develop a comprehensive list of questions to ask, make appointments with both Urologist Oncologists that operate and Radiologist Oncologists and gather as much information from both specialists as you can. One of the key things I learned from this website is that your spouse or partner is key during these weeks since the patient is in shock, literally and mentally numb. I can remember sitting their in the doctor's exam room and hearing only about half of what was said. I had developed a good list of questions, but my wife was good with listening and taking notes. There is no one treatment that is right for any of us. Everyone has to do their homework and find and select the best treatment that they think will provide the best outcome. Surgery vs, Radiation is a hard decision.

Most importantly, not matter which path you take, make sure you find the very best in their field. Ask around, get feedback, ask here on the website, there will be plenty of HW brothers and spouses that probably can give you feedback for the area that you in live in. You can see that there is a listing of where a lot of live so you can zero in on your city and state for those of us who preceded you and your husband. The best decision you will make is who is either going to operate or do the radiation (or in many of our cases, who is going to do both).

The first desire you both will have is to take immediate action. It is worth the few extra weeks, to find the best professional in your area. If you proceed with surgery, make sure you select a Urologist that only does prostate cancer surgery and has done it hundreds of times and operates weekly. If you go with radiation, use the same criteria. I was very fortunate to have an amazing surgeon in my city, a great radiologists and had to travel to another state to meet with an amazing medical oncologist (to coordinate the care plan between the urologist and the radiologist).

At the first of the HW Prostate forum, there are a list of great videos and books to read and watch to learn about this cancer.

There is a list of abbreviations that are useful to have and review since the doctors use a different lingo that is foreign to all of us.

Best of wishes as you both embark on this journey. It is stressful, but the more I learned, the more at peace I was before I went to the hospital for surgery.

You will find that same peace as you find out more information.

Please come back and ask as many questions as you need to. You will find that people all over the world will respond back to you with great answers, experiences and insight.

Good luck.

Devastated1, I apologize - I didn't look at your signature until now. As a G9, you have experience that I don't. I still maintain that I don't think surgery will be recommended for Luci's husband, but perhaps your surgeon gave you some advice that differs - and if he felt your particular case had a good chance of being organ-confined then it would be a good course. I had a friend that was biopsied as a G9, and after surgery was downgraded to a G7 with some tertiary 5. However, again, with clear evidence of mets, getting rid of the organ is not going to be a cure.
Jeff

Luci, sounds to me like good advice. Let's hope the PC responds to the HT for a long time, and there is no pain from the mets.

Your hubby has had enough trouble with 2 types of cancer, don't let him mess with baby rattlesnakes!! You too
Jeff

Luci,
I'm thinking of you and your husband too....
I'm a daughter of this disease and what you describe of your husband sounds like my dad. Not a lot of talk going on as I think it is just too overwhelming to even contemplate. My mum, like you are their backbones however right now and just having you by his side is a comfort I'm sure.
In the meantime make sure you are getting the support you need also.
Kind thoughts,
Kmac

A great thing happened in all this. I came into the bathroom after he took a shower( no he was not erect),I saw a small spot on his back that I thought was a blackhead! Turned out to melanoma that had gone thru four layers of skin. Got taken out and had a scential node biopsy and it was clear. One cancer down and one to slow down!!!!!!!

 

Luci, there is a good lesson here that some of us forget.  We normally don't check out our backs; so that is good to have our spouses/partners checking it out.  I wish you and your husband the very best on this journey.

Best regards,

Aimzee

Aimzee,It was an angel from above that pointed the melanoma out.It was so small and if it weren't for the pc I would never had a second thought.I thought it was a blackhead or ingrown hair it was that small.For some reason I asked our urologist to look at it the next day and he said I am not a dermatologist but that he would have our gp check out. Our gp checked it out and had us come back the next day forna biopsy.He was as shocked as we were that it came back melanoma and had gone through 4 layers of skin.He said he could resection it but he would feel better if we went to a plastic surgeron and have a sentinel node biopsy. God and our angels above lead us through this and it is gone.Just don't take anything for granted when it comes to spots or moles .


Thank you for having my back ,my husbands back and all the pc forum families back.It really helps

Dave ,It is true about the VA there are some good and some bad.It is also sometimes their hands are tied by the system itself.We put in for a different Dr.Haven't seen her yet but everyone says she is proactive and keeps on top of your medical needs.I am just thankful we have Medicare and supplemental insurance because it has covered it all. Our non VA Dr. does not take Medicare so we have to pay for the office visits but it was the best $80 we ever spent.From 1st visit to urologist ,plastic surgeon,all the scans and 1st shot was only 1 month.We could not get into VA dr. for over a month.The good thing is once the VA got the reports things have gone really smoothly and his medications are paid for. I do think it would be better if the VA would just pay for the insurance and let the veterans seek their own medical teams.I think would save a lot of money in the long run which to me is secondary to the veterans getting the treatment they need as soon as possible without constraints.I think they need to keep the military hospitals but that is about it. Oh well enough venting .

I am always hit by your username .You and devastated1 ,but the men behind those names are such caring individuals. Guess you can't judge a book by it's title...Hehe

Luci