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My Device: A Modest Proposal ( revisited )

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Posted 8/30/2012 3:54 PM (GMT 0)
Old thread but still very much on my mind. Still looking for a backer.

Update: Obvious feature I overlooked, see page two.

I don't know if manufacturers of implantable medical devices ever cruise this forum but it seems possible. As things are going I may be in the market for a device in a year or two. I have designed it and I am offering the design here for a very low percentage of the revenue, particularly if the manufacturer names it after me.

The full technical specifications are probably beyond the scope of this informal forum but here are a few of the key features of the Disabelard Peter Device (DPD):

  • The DPD combines an artificial urinary sphincter with a penile implant in a single device with a shared reservoir.
  • The DPD uses gas (Argon) instead of a liquid to inflate the components. This reduces the weight of the erectile rods in the penile implant and minimizes the effect of gravity on erect penile presentation.
  • The devices are activated by three control modules in the scrotum -- two squeeze bulb/valve devices for the urinary sphincter and the penile implant, plus an electronic module with pushbuttons to control the MP3 player.
  • The MP3 player option is recommended for men on long-term hormone therapy who have extra room in their scrotum and, often, could use some cheering up. The player comes pre-loaded with tunes by Marvin Gaye.
  • A squeaker is installed between the inflatable components and the reservoir to give audible confirmation of proper gas flow -- weef, weef, weef as the component is inflated and phweeeeeeeeee when the valve is opened and the component deflates. These audible cues also allow the sexual partner time to get in the mood.
  • The five gas-filled cavities serve as resonators for small-but-powerful speaker drivers for the MP3 player. The inflation bulbs for the penile implant and the urinary sphincter act as the tweeters, the left and right erectile rods are the mid-range and the shared reservoir serves as the woofer. Proper stereo imaging requires at least partial inflation of the penile implant.
  • The electronics are charged by sitting on a charging pad for twenty minutes once or twice a week. (Users with piercings should remove any metal objects that might come in contact with the plate while charging to prevent possible burns.)
Posted 8/30/2012 4:42 PM (GMT 0)
Tee Hee! ;-)
Posted 8/30/2012 5:02 PM (GMT 0)
May I suggest a minor addition/modification?
I'd add an energy harvesting mechanism to charge the batteries. A piezoelectric device coupled to the mass of the reservoir could harvest the kinetic energy expended while walking or moving and convert it to electrical energy to charge the batteries.
Excess energy expended while jogging or engaging in amorous activities can be sent to the optional navel micro USB power jack to charge handheld electronics such as iPads, iPhones, and iPee devices.
Samsung/china is no doubt working on it as we speak.
Jeff
Posted 8/30/2012 5:18 PM (GMT 0)
OMG.... Hate to see where this thread is going from here.

Two more votes to lock it now while we have a chance is all I need idea
Posted 8/30/2012 5:50 PM (GMT 0)
Is it possible to incorporate some confetti at climax while the music changes over to the 1812 Overture.
Posted 8/30/2012 5:56 PM (GMT 0)
Also, you can go "green' by adapting the energy in flatulance to charge the battery. Methane gas is methane gas, right. I like the confetti idea, I really do.
Posted 8/30/2012 6:34 PM (GMT 0)
Funny stuff.
Posted 8/30/2012 7:07 PM (GMT 0)
Might as well add a Flynn system...

"Flynn’s system allows astronauts to drink their own urine.

The water machine uses a process known as forward osmosis. The Forward Osmosis and Forward Osmosis method uses the potential energy difference between salt water and fresh water to transport water across a semi-permeable membrane, while leaving all the contaminants behind.

“The membranes are the key to the technology. They are generally a flat sheet of some sort of a paper material with a polymer put on them, and they allow water to transfer through them but do not allow salts or large organic molecules to transport through them,” Flynn explained in the video.

And out comes..clean drinking water."

http://www.smartplanet.com/blog/science-scope/how-nasa-is-recycling-urine-into-drinking-water/6246
Posted 8/30/2012 7:07 PM (GMT 0)
Jeff, I had considered your idea to make the device... um, self-winding, as it were... but I decided that for middle-aged computer jockeys, such as myself, there might not be enough kinetic energy to salvage.

James, I had also thought of the idea of using the available methane to run a fuel cell to charge the batteries. The idea has merit. Additionally, by tapping the methane at the input to the fuel cell we could modulate the artificial urinary sphincter allowing the user to pass gas while remaining dry. Perhaps we could incorporate Ken's confetti at that point, too, although that might not be the climax he has in mind.
Posted 8/30/2012 8:01 PM (GMT 0)
StarTech, Nasa's Forward Osmosis Bag uses a concentrated sugar drawing solution to pull the water through the membrane. The idea is that urine goes in one side and Kool Aid comes out the other. While I can't be completely sure, I suspect that there are not that many men who are interested in drinking their own Kool Aid. Astronauts might do it because Nasa is too cheap to pay SpaceX to deliver enough beer, but most other men, not so much.

Note: Since Steve n Dallas is worried about the tone of this thread. No one is allowed to think about Ron Jeremy at this point. Thank you.

Post Edited (PeterDisAbelard) : 8/30/2012 2:05:49 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/30/2012 9:45 PM (GMT 0)
Correct, I was thinking of Mens' spouses dealing with incontinence, but if your sphincter device works, it is a non issue....
Posted 8/31/2012 11:32 AM (GMT 0)
Peter,

I'd add two lengths of thin-walled 6mm Tygon tubing sealed at the distal end and inserted into the corpora cavernosa with the proximal end attached directly to check valve equipped squeeze bulbs mentioned above.
Upon squeezing, the audible cue would act as an incentive for partners to stimulate the region and would provide immediate objective feedback as to a specific technique's efficacy, not unlike a dog's squeaker chew toy.

Wait! Wait! Wait forget about that one! Never mind! Just move along folks! There's nothing to see here. Ouch!!!

Jeff in NY - trying to erase that image from my brain.

Post Edited (Worried Guy) : 8/31/2012 1:12:25 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/31/2012 1:05 PM (GMT 0)
Geez, I gotta ask, Peter, what flavor Kool-Aid, or do they get a choice?
Posted 8/31/2012 6:04 PM (GMT 0)
I have to admit I was sucked in 'til I got to the mp3 player.

Here's an idea. Nuclear powered by brachy pellets with particularly long half-lives.

...Jerry
Posted 8/31/2012 9:00 PM (GMT 0)
What!

No flux capacitor?
Posted 9/4/2012 4:36 AM (GMT 0)
James C: Peeña Colada

Jerry: The NSA claims that the atomic powered model (with the bayonet) was never built.

DesertRat: I have way too much flux capacity already.
Posted 9/4/2012 5:46 PM (GMT 0)
Peter, I got a smile (natural not some sort of implant, come think, smiles are one of the things that still work pretty well) but I have to ask, what brought all this on? Are you thinking about getting one or both implants? If you are, you might want to get the existing designs installed while you are testing your design on a monkey or in Jeff's case, on himself. Most of us implantees think, why wait? I have both implants you spoke of and, while some of the things you have designed into your device would be, what, interesting?, the stuff they sell now is pretty good. Although, I wish there was some sort of "come-go" remote control.
Posted 9/4/2012 7:47 PM (GMT 0)
Knotreel: Why wait? Well, a certain degree of waiting is "baked into the cake" with incontinence and impotence after robotic prostatectomy. I am eleven weeks out of surgery and it is early days for me yet. Right now I am doing the biofeedback thing -- sitting in a wet diaper with electrodes stuck to my butt while the nurse/technician tells me how happy her laptop is with my progress in the last week. In theory, time and biofeedback training are supposed to help eight out of nine guys by the end of the first year. Unfortunately, I have been having trouble with my luck lately. I seem to be a long way from where I want to be, and the adjuvant RT I start next month probably won't help any. Still, I try to stay positive...ish, if only so as not to hurt the feelings of my urologist -- Dr Flabio Cavernosa (have you heard of him?) -- who worked so hard on me. If the medical magic (and my patented positive attitude) haven't worked their wonders at the end of a year I will get worked up for other options.

In the meanwhile, I will continue to use my Englebert Pumperdick 2000 (tm) VED (which has an unfortunate tendency to chew on my scrotum like a puppy with a tennis shoe) and do the bi-weekly achy Trimix poke to try to keep my hydraulics working until I am done with the two years of triple-blockade HT and, hopefully, remember why I thought that was important.

All of this leaves me with quite a bit of time to work up my designs for the urogenital devices I might wind up getting.

As for your remote control, maybe you would be interesting in my ideas for a voice-activated one. It uses a few simple commands that follow the recognition phrase "Go, Go, Gadget..."
Posted 9/4/2012 9:06 PM (GMT 0)
Hmmm, would this recognize anyone's voice, I see problems with that,Ps you need at least two comands, otherwise.......
yes the ole biofeedback, same here but my electrode was in, not on. so if that worked it would have been ok, but being zapped there while "sea shore" sounds were played, thanks, I had almost got that picture deleted for my hard drive. Flabio carvernosa, i think that was the part they put the implant into me? or was that his sister, Venus.

Post Edited (knotreel) : 9/4/2012 3:23:27 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 9/5/2012 5:23 PM (GMT 0)
It should be trained to recognize its owners voice and his wife's. To erect the PI the man would say "Go Go Gadget Woodie". To deflate it: "Go Go Gadget Dangler". And, to better emulate a wholly natural response, when the device recognizes the wife's voice it would automatically deflate the PI no matter what she says.
Posted 9/5/2012 8:32 PM (GMT 0)
Hey PeterDis
Have you considered a budget model that responds to acoustic impulse - not unlike the Clapper? Clap "on" - Clap "off"

I, too, had the pleasure of enduring biofeedback and making a therapist happy. Why wouldn't she be happy? She got paid the bucks whether I leaked or not. I only bothered to do it a few times. By then I realized that since I was doing everything correctly and there was no progress something else was needed. Turns out I was one of the lucky 1 in 9 needing an adjustment. In the meantime I bought an used a TENS unit and gave myself the identical treatment as the therapist.
A sling installation finally fixed me up.

By the way, we're so much alike it is scary. Some day you and I have to meet.
If you come to NY for GFMPH at the end of the month I'll have my TENS unit with extra contacts, including an anal probe still in the wrapper, ready for you to try. Just bend over.

Good thing the humor gland is not located in the prostate.

Jeff in NY
Posted 9/6/2012 3:38 AM (GMT 0)
It has taken my husband years to read anything on this site.This helps a lot .We needed a good laugh,very much enjoyed reading .
You guys rock
Thanks Deidre
Posted 9/6/2012 10:18 AM (GMT 0)
Watch out or Aple may take you to court for infringing the patent on their iPee2.
Posted 9/6/2012 2:42 PM (GMT 0)
Jeff: Dr Cavernosa tried to gen up interest in the clapper model but couldn't seem to get anything going. It might be that the tag line in his ad was off-target. "I got the clap from Dr Flabio" doesn't really resonate in a good way.

As for this weekend, I wasn't planning to be in the NY area and the thought of you waiting with your anal probe provides little impetus for me to change my plans.

Note to self: Jeff has an anal probe. Alf, being English, is an alien. Watch out for abduction.

Alf: would that be the high-speed streaming patent?

Deidre: Yes, we rock. Gloom scissors. But PC paper.
Posted 3/7/2014 7:10 PM (GMT 0)
My current thinking is that I will be getting a sling and an implant in the next year. This will need to be updated to adjust for the loss of the AUS-related functions but most of it still would work (as Egon said of drilling a hole in his head).
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