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Posted 10/16/2012 10:28 AM (GMT 0)
I have been wonering if worrying too much is a bad thing? Or is not worrying enough a bad thing?

When I went for my initial tests, or to get the results, or to see surgeons or even when I went to the hospital on the day of the operation or later to get post surgery pathology etc I felt like I was really okay about I was experiencing, fully in control and not very worried. The only thing that slightly concerned me was that this might have been because I had some strange sort of psychological disorder that stopped me worrying about important stuff!

It was thus strange today, when I went to collect the car I’ve just bought ,to feel so nervous and to be worrying about whether I had or had not made the right decisions about the car. (While I drive quite a lot, for the last 20 years it’s always been in rentals and not a car I actually own myself: when a rental is not right it’s just easy to swap it for something better.)

So this morning kind of proved to me that I am capable of worrying (phew, I’m not a psychopath!), and this must mean I was indeed fully in control during dx, surgery etc.

I guess that when it came to being diagnosed with cancer I was able to accept that I was something I had no means of altering by any actions I could take and thus there was no point in worrying about it. And, as for not worrying about surgery, I guess I the people on my case must have been very good at making me feel that between us we had everything under control, and I could appreciate that worrying and creating stress in my life would be counterproductive. (I think I also felt that it would help my family worry less if they could see that I was all right about what had happened and was happening)
Have I been too casual? Should I worry more? Should others worry less? Or should I just be grateful and shut up talking about it?

Alf
(PS the car is a little Renault by the way, sadly it is not as fast and powerful as Vettel's F1 car, but it's easier to insure!)
Posted 10/16/2012 11:14 AM (GMT 0)
English Alf, So you worry that you might be worring too much as much as you worry that you don't worry enough?
I would be worried too...or not;)
Posted 10/16/2012 11:24 AM (GMT 0)
Actually I know what you mean.As a part owner of family company since being dx with PC I find myself not being too stress out when I'm underbidded on certain jobs as I used to be.Which gets me "worried" if this turns into a slippery slope where I just start caring less and less.
Posted 10/16/2012 11:46 AM (GMT 0)
Great post.  I find myself not worrying as much about the small things..things I know I can't control.  Since hubby was dx'd with PC it has helped me put things in perspective a bit.  I find myself more worried now what is going on inside hubby's mind than anything...the mind is a powerful thing...sometimes I worry that whatever he is thinking is bad and it could effect his total body health..I'm a big believer in that stuff though..
Posted 10/16/2012 11:59 AM (GMT 0)

cmetalman said...
English Alf, So you worry that you might be worring too much as much as you worry that you don't worry enough?
I would be worried too...or not;)

I don't sweat the petty stuff, or pet the sweaty stuff......anymore
Posted 10/16/2012 3:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hmmmm...when I was in college and stressed out, a school psych counselor told me as long as i thought I was going crazy, I wasn't crazy!! So you still have the capacity to worry, and likely too much, so IMHO don't worry so much! I have others around me who seem to be astounded that I am not jumping into surgery or radiation. I am of course aware the there is some small gamble, but everything I have read about my class of PCa incidence is that nothing drastic is going to happen in a time horizon less than years. i assume I will have to have it removed in some number of years though, and will actively survey the situation. But it probably took some level of detachment for me to weigh the facts and make a decision.

Now for a soapbox moment: Ultimately, and somewhat philosophically, it is about being at peace at some level with your own inevitable death, and being ready for that, whatever that means to you. If you need more of that peace, there is some established wisdom that indicates plenty of worry and anxiety will enter your life to teach you that. Still very much a work in progress for me too, with plenty of worry and anxiety, some above and some below the surface. English Alf, I wish you peace...
Posted 10/16/2012 3:29 PM (GMT 0)
I agree completely, Alf. I get so upset and torn u[ emotionally when I allow myself to worry about stuff I can't control, that I make a conscious effort to not worry about it. Does that make sense? I don't like stress or worry or fear in my daily life, so I strive to reduce it or ignore it as much as possible. That's one reason (and result of working hard to not do it) that I am so off the wall in person, as those who have met me can attest to. devil
Posted 10/16/2012 7:16 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry, judging from some reactions to my original post, I must have explained myself badly.
Thanks for your concern, but I am exceedingly unworried about my PCa, and have been all along. My very tiny concern was simply that I might have been in deep denial about it and that that might be a bad thing, but the fact that I was able to worry a bit about buying a car showed I was human after all.
I am very good at dealing with stress, etc, ( good thing too, as in one job I had I was trained to transport nuclear material, dangerous goods etc and used to have to carry detonators around with me every day!)

So may I wish that everyone else doesn't get bothered by stress and worry too much either.

Alf
Posted 10/16/2012 7:26 PM (GMT 0)
Hmmmm. What a calm and self-controlled group I have wandered into. I was diagnosed last October and I didn't sleep more than four hours in any single night until February. I did eventually calm down but it took a while. It is perfectly sensible not to worry about things beyond one's immediate control but it is quite another to take one's own advice. ...or perhaps there is something soothing about buying a new car...
Posted 10/16/2012 8:45 PM (GMT 0)
With the heart problem I have I simply CANNOT worry. I found out that worry and stress brings out the Nitro pills. So its a learned thing for sure. And of course, worry is a form of fear which can lead to anxiety attacks and panic attacks, which can lead to depression and so goes the downward spiral.

Its best, in my opinion, to have someone greater than I to unload my problems on (speaking Spiritually). Strangely enough this cancer doesnt scare me nearly as much as it did just a few months ago. Part of this inward growth has come from the encouragement posted so many times here in this forum. It seems there is always someone in worse condition at any given time and thats humbling.

Speaking of buying a car, one could consider one of the classics for a truly enriching experience; I suggest a post war Hudson.

Post Edited (greetingz) : 10/16/2012 2:48:28 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/16/2012 8:58 PM (GMT 0)
Life is so much richer when it is lived in the present.  That's why I bought a brand new Corvette Grand Sport to park in the garage next to the Harley.

Yes, I still worry.  But when I'm on the road rolling away the black top, all my worries are left behind.

Posted 10/16/2012 9:01 PM (GMT 0)
you don't want me to participate to this thread or you may worry about that too.

I'll just say that thoughts of tuning out, quiting my job and moving to Vermont cross my mind.
Posted 10/16/2012 9:39 PM (GMT 0)
Ok, gotta fill in some history to make my other comment make sense. I had such a bad history of pre-PCa prostate issues that my doc told me 5 years earlier that I most likely would have prostate cancer. It wasn't any great surprise when I was tested with a high psa, because I had been told earlier and because my previous 5 years results were in the 4. to 5.4 range anyway. Actually, after the biopsy, I was relieved in a way to have the diagnosis, as I didn't want to add a yearly biopsy to my doc's bag of tricks, while we were waiting for it to show up... devil

When I began Looking at treatments, I was ineligble for Robotics, or seeding, which just left IMRT or open RP, so that removed all that worry of selecting a treatment. From there, it's been a slow process (5 years) to get to the stage where I may need to consider worrying again, but then it's only for when to begin, not what to do. In the meantime, I've gained 5 years of not having to consider too seriously my future. That's a trade-off I will take. wink
Posted 10/16/2012 10:34 PM (GMT 0)
Alf,

My views on "worry" are well known here at HW. I am not a worrier, not at all. Not about my PC, my other medical woes. In all the years that I was working, I am just not a worrier ,nor in my personal life.

I find worry to be so counterproductive. It's a waste of energy.

Every problem has its own solution, so I always look at things in life as solutions waiting to happen. The other thing I do, is I keep all my problems in seperate boxes, so to speak. Some people worry so much, that all their problems pile up on them, and as they say, they throw the baby out with the bath water.

I look at every probelms as a seperate thing. If I can't do anything about a particular issue, I move on to the next one, and so forth.

We are all different, not saying any of this is right or wrong, but it has always worked for me.

David in SC

What model Renault? As you know, they havent been sold here for many years in the States, and when they were sold, the quality and lack of proper dealerships made them a bad buy.

I did own a nice one back in the 70's. It was the Renault 17 Gordini, a swank and rare car in its day. I later bought a Renault 12, but it was one giant problem after the other. Rear engine and water cooled made for a car that constantly overheated. Plus the gas filler was centered right over the top of the engine, just what you want to do, is pour gasoline over a hot engine! lol.
Posted 10/16/2012 10:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Alf, I understood you completely. I was Dx in August, researched about PCa for six months prior to Bx and Dx. Once Dx, I consulted with my Uro and a surgeon, both gave me an option of AS. I defaulted to AS for the time being until my upcoming first PSA in early Nov which may or may not change my mind. I live day to day as if there is nothing wrong with me, I was wondering whether I am ignorant or dumb, or both. Once in a while I reminded myself that I have PCa and that I will have to make a decision on treatment in the future. I often wonder why I am not panicking, was I brainwashed into believing that I have plenty of time as PCa is supposed to be slow growing?

Time to panick?
Posted 10/16/2012 11:02 PM (GMT 0)
Akai, you're just wired not to worry. Consider yourself lucky. It's not ignorance if you proceed on an ACTIVE surveillance program and if medical professionals advising you to do so recommend it.
Posted 10/16/2012 11:21 PM (GMT 0)
I had a good friend in college that worried about everything...one day he said he was worried cause there was nothing to worry about...Go figure !!
Posted 10/17/2012 3:59 AM (GMT 0)
oh great! now I have to worry about whether I am worrying the right amount.

:)
Posted 10/17/2012 4:13 AM (GMT 0)
Why worry, it's such a wasted emotion. Wish I could take my own advice. My name on HW should be changed to Worrywart.
I've tried to realize that the past we can't change and the future may never come, so living in the present is the best medicine.

David, wish I was more like you. I would love not to worry for just one day. Sounds so incredibly peaceful.

Zimac
Posted 10/17/2012 4:34 AM (GMT 0)
It is zimac. I am chocked full of issues, and if I worried about them or fretted, I would be beside myself in a heart beat. What you can't change, isn't worth worrying about, and what you can change, then change it.

david
Posted 10/17/2012 10:50 AM (GMT 0)
What works for me:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Posted 10/17/2012 11:27 AM (GMT 0)
<-------- Relax. I've got you covered.
Posted 10/17/2012 2:09 PM (GMT 0)
Since the theme of this thread is worry and car buying, the Kingston Trio comes to mind...

Got myself a Cadillac thirty dollars down
Got myself a brand new house five miles out of town
Got myself a gal named Sue treats me really fine
Yes, she's my baby and I love her all the time

It takes a worried worried man to sing a worried worried song
It takes a worried worried man to sing a worried worried song
It takes a worried man to sing a worried song
I'm worried now but I won't be worried long

www.youtube.com/watch?v=vz7WZNjTPRA

Post Edited (PeterDisAbelard) : 10/17/2012 8:13:10 AM (GMT-6)

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