Pet peeves

Totally agree, especially when the tone or the face of the "perp", too much law n order suv, that's right we all call it suv, has a saccharine taste to it. Ok I'll play nice. They really care and do not know how to show it. So we get cancer and their guilt………

That's the point: RESPECT.

I've explained why I feel that way, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. None of my other friends and loved ones act that way. They all will ask once in while and that's fine. I'll fill them in. But then enough said for a reasonably long time.

I don't want to be defined by my illness. In fact, I suspect at work that most have forgotten I have PC, or figure that I am fine, anyway.

Thank goodness we have HW TO unload!

Mel

The guy sounds like a gossip lover. He's just waiting for you to drop some juicy little tidbit about your situation, then at his first opportunity he'll grab somebody he knows and say to them "Do you know what I just heard about Mel ...!!!"

If it were me, I'd be tempted to do something like this. Next time he asked on the phone "How are you doing?" I would say something like "Ohhh, not so good! They gave me this experimental shot, but it backfired, and now my body is going top swell up to the size of a moose, and my head is going to explode!" Then listen gleefully to the stunned silence on the other end of the line, and when he says "You're kidding, right?" just say mournfully "Oh, I only wish I were!"

Lots of possibilities with that approach.

Actually, I find the question funny in a horrifyingly maddening sort of way. Usually the question is meaningless social noise. The only answer is "Oh, just fine. Thanks for asking. You?" But it does serve a purpose. It is a point in a conversation where one can ask a small favor. You can answer "Actually, I have a headache. Do you know if there is a drugstore on this block?"

But when you are not fine at all but there is nothing the other person can be expected to do to help you then it is once again, a meaningless question. You just say.... "Fine."

I remember once, I was walking down the hallway at work and a coworker asked "How are you doing" and I said, "I'm doing OK." If I had answered the question literally I would have said "I just now came back from the doctors office and I find that I am to be chemically castrated for the next two and a half years to keep my cancer from coming back. I've been better." But I just said "Fine." It suddenly struck me as funny that I would have to lie to so many people every day for such a long time. I popped into the men's room and sat in the stall until the slightly hysterical giggles had passed, blew my nose, and went back to work.

As for your friend, Mel, you describe him as a good friend, and you say that you have discussed your PC worries with him in the past when you had an upcoming test, etc.. I think he is just trying to be that good friend. He is offering to talk about your problems if you want. If you don't want to discuss them, remember that it can be a meaningless social noise if you need it to be. Just say "I'm doing OK. Thanks for asking. You?" He'll take the hint.

The question "How are your doing?" is one I enjoy answering these days. I have modified my standard response,

"Every Day is A Bonus in MY WORLD" is the reply.

Always gets a smile and sometimes starts them to thinking.

Sonny

Like Sonny's response. Mine is "he looks so good", it seems with the assumption that he's not that Sick. One was that bone cancer was not that deadly - hmmm, not bone cancer, but metastasized prostate cancer. Another, which is generally true and true for many; but doesn't apply to my husband is "you die with prostate cancer not from it". You got me going. I want to graciously respond and not make anyone uncomfortable, but ....... It seems there is so little understanding of advanced prostate cancer.

Most people are blissfully unaware by choice of the diseases that are out there. Since I am to be a dead man walking to most of em I get quite a bit of sympathy. I like it and I dont like it. Not being very social anyway I dont need buckets of concern from most, but really appreciate it when it comes from close members.

I remember many men marked with cancers in years past and it just never hit me very hard since it was so foreign to my thinking.

Always has been a peeve, even when I was healthy. Most people don't want to know, and expect you to say "fine".

I havent been "fine" for years. When asked, I say "not much worse".

Doesn't bother me a bit. Most around me realize that things have gone badly wrong. I don't look bad, but my personal and business life have been utterly shattered, and they recognize that. I appreciate their concern.

I do share the problem of having a pack of pads in my cart and meeting my neighbors or co-workers in the store, but it has happened so many times that it isn't important anymore.

I don't know if you can categorize this is a pet peeve as it relates to PCa. I am still early in the game having been diagnosed just over a month ago. I have a very loving wife who wants to help all she can but she isn't exactly sure what she needs to do. A relative told her about putting a lighted candle in the window as a symbol of someone you love having cancer. So she put one in the family room and it stays lighted 24 hours a day (electric). I try and not think about my PCA (it makes me angry, depressed and somewhat helpless) but the lighted candle is a constant reminder that I am one of the unlucky ones. I have kept my thoughts to myself, until now; I know she means well but every time I see that candle it changes my mood because I know why it is there.

Mitch in SC,
That is the 'guttsiest' attitude I have ever heard. God bless you, Brother.

My pet peeve is people who will practically burn rubber to pull out in front of you to drive in your lane, causing me to hit my brakes to keep from tail ending them, but once they get in front, they let off and drive 10-15 mph below the posted speed limit. If they weren't in a hurry to start with, why pull out and piss me off? Just plain rude.

Seems silly in the grand scheme of life, but there you have it :)