Has anyone else lost their "internal filter"

This is probably a strange question, but I'm going to ask away and hopefully won't get blasted.

I'm wondering if anyone else on the board has noticed a reduction, or loss (for that matter) of their internal filter that was in place prior to their cancer diagnosis ? What I'm talking about is that subtle reminding in your head that maybe you shouldn't say that, or this isn't the appropriate time to have that conversation with your boss, etc. Hopefully, you guys know what I'm talking about.

It seems that my filter has definitely taken a leave of absence. I used to let work stresses consume me, even on my off time. I'd worry about deadlines, what had to be done when I got back, etc, etc, etc. After receiving my cancer diagnosis in Nov 2011, I was off work for about 4 months. When I got back, one of the first things I did was meet with my director and explain to him that there was a different person with a different attitude returning to work. I would continue to give him 8 hours of quality work, but no longer would I take the job home with me. When the clock struck quitting time, my mind could care less about my place of employment, and that I would no longer be answering the phone on weekends or nights, or be subject to call-ins. I no longer worry about the future of the company or about things that are outside my span of control. And that's precisely how I've operated since returning to work. I find that concentrating on more important things in life, such as family time are more rewarding, and I'm much more at ease.

Besides that, I notice that if I'm thinking it....it pretty much gets said. Especially, at work. If it's a ridiculous idea that the boss has proposed, it seems as though I have no trouble telling him so. Other situations, as well. I don't intentionally set out to hurt anyone's feelings, but I tend to let people know what I'm thinking. Probably being only 5 years away from retirement doesn't hurt matters either.

I guess since my cancer diagnosis, I've realized that life is short and what really matters in life.

Does anyone else know where I'm coming from ? or I am way out in left field ?

I can relate to the internal filter... I call it getting OLD.

My nick name in my circle of friends is EzyStvy.... But not now...

The small stuff that I used to blow off - now gets talked about.

No sense me sucking stuff in till I blow up. Getting it off my chest now seems to work so much better.

FWIW I find myself actually reacting the other way around - to your comment "I guess since my cancer diagnosis, I've realized that life is short and what really matters in life."

So then I now find myself not getting caught up in the little things that really used to rile me up, and just let them go. Someone cutting me off while driving, or someone driving too slow in the "fast lane" on the interstate. Butting heads with a particular director at work who is incredibly manipulating and devious. The list goes on and on, but for me I just let it slide off - as in the big scheme of my life right now they aren't worth my time. . . . . and I feel better for it all.

Four Things You Can't Recover: The Stone After The Throw. The Word After It's Said. The Occasion After It's Missed. The Time After It's Gone....

I can relate to this.

Pre PCa If people asked me how I was I never told them the truth, I always just replied "Fine". Now they may get a "Fine" or they may get quite a full explanation.

If asked to go the extra mile I probably used to go two miles, now I'll say no.

I also always tended to be exceedingly polite and patient (Very British of course!!)
I am now definitely less patient, unless I am waiting for something that is not that important, in which case I am probably more patient. EG the other day there was a problem with getting the discount I was due for some groceries, when the computer eventually accepted it I was presented with two bunches of flowers and a vase to put them in to make up for me having ahd to wait, and I couldnt; understand why, to my mind I had just be standing around chatting to the supervisor for five minutes while she was on the phone.

I try to be more accepting of friends and family, as I want them to be more accepting of me. But if I am desperate for a cup of tea/coffee I will usually just make it rather than go through the palaver of asking everyion else if they want one too.

I don't do late nights.

I try to enjoy more and worry less.

Alf

The biggest thing I have noticed is I think I am a lot calmer than I was.  I don't let things bother me to the point of boiling over with anger like I may have previously.  I have also noticed my attitude as far as not caring what other people think and saying what is on my mind has taken a big shift too. 

This is a true story that happened many years ago.  A friend was dying from cancer.  He got to the point where he just didn't care what he did or what he said.  In our town, police are notorious for disregarding traffic laws...while not on a call.  This friend was known to chase the cops down and give them a piece of his mind about their traffic violations.  He said he wasn't scared of them...he was dying of cancer and what could they do that was any worse than what he was facing. I think he was just more angry at the world than anything else.

Very interesting thread as I thought I was alone in the feeling that something had changed. I guess it could be the fact that I am getting old, or that I retired; however, somehow I feel that it was the wake up call that PCa gives a guy, or maybe it's something physical/chemical when your prostate is gomered ... in either case, my "filter" has definitely been altered.

I think the turning point/ wakeup call for me was when the conversation went like this:

surgeon > "you know I warned you that you had 3-5 years if you didn't do anything?"

me > "yeah....?"

s > "path is back. you didn't."

m > "so how many did I have?"

s > "maybe one, probably less"

m > "ahh ... , and now?"

s > " 3-5"

Now, the good news is, I'm past the 3 year mark. Bad news, I'm still wasting days training people who want my job. I need to keep that job for insurance, so "sharing" is not a good philosophy. At least for the next 2 years.

 

I'm not sure I'd call it internal filter, but I'm a different person. I blame a lot of it on the SEs from the HT and the fact that life can be shorter than you think so what the hell.....

Personally, I'm less tolerant and if someone tells me how lucky I am to have had prostate cancer I take a deep breath, try to smile, and walk away before I punch their lights out.

Lucky is not how I'd put it. Maybe if I had symptoms and problems prior to surgery and had a high, dangerous Gleason score I'd feel "lucky". However, with a Gleason score of 3+3 and now serious ED where I had no problems and some continence issues the term "lucky" is not the one I'd use.

I'm about 7 weeks out of surgery and have spent a total of 2 days in the office since. Mainly because I just can't focus much on things the way I need to as this post surgical nightmare has me extremely pissed off.

Great question!

I'm pretty sure my modesty gland was removed with my prostate. Fortunately they left the humor gland.

Jeff

Glad that this topic took off, and glad to see others know what I'm talking about.

Prime example of what I'm talking about, I am a mid level manager, my direct supervisor is a joy to work with, reasonable, kind, someone that makes you want to provide a quality days work. Our Director, on the other hand, is an oversize toddler prone to throw temper tantrums...yells and screams when he doesn't get his way, etc. He called me on the phone yesterday and proceeds to rake me over the coals in a condesending and angry manner over a very minor issue. I calmly told him that I refused to be bullied by him or talked to in such a manner, and hung up on him. When he called back, he was in full warpath mode. I called him a SOB, and told him to contact my supervisor if he wished to speak with me.

Will I have a job tomorrow ? Who knows, but I can make a hell of a paint mixer at Home Depot. The bottom line is it that there are simply things more important in life that being stressed to the point where it effects your health and quality of life.

powellst - Hell Yeah! Good for you - no employee, at any level, should be talked to in that manner, but that just speaks to this guys insecurity. I had a similar situation with a former boss - owner of the company. In front of the HR Manager and an AR woman he starts raking me over the coals over something he knew nothing about, and then proceeds to storm out of the office slamming the door on the way out. So of course I followed him, into the men's room of all places, and told him in no uncertain terms that was the last time he would pull that BS again, and if he thought I was kidding then he could shove this job, well, you get the idea. Then I walked out and that was that. No further issues from this egomaniac, but I ended up leaving 6 months later - as you say - it's just not worth it. . . .