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Open surgery scheduled for Monday...last minute advice??

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Posted 4/4/2013 6:59 AM (GMT 0)
idea  The past few weeks have finally came to past.  My husbands surgery is only four days away.  At first he was pretty confident in his decision.  However, as he has had to wait for surgery he started second guessing his choice, too.  I guess this is pretty normal. I do sense some depression as well.  I don't know what I can do to make this easier for him. 

I think I've got everything ready for next week, Kids are taken care of, pets are taken care of.  I've got loose clothes for him a recliner ready for him to sleep in when he gets home. What am I forgetting?

My kids are 20 15 and 12. We are a close family and they want to be there to support their father. My mom doesn't think this is a good idea for the kids to see their dad in such a bad way following surgery.  I was torn but I know he wants them to be there and they want to  be there.  What has been your experience with kids?

Any questions I should ask the surgeon following surgery?   I know we will have to wait to get the pathology report. confused

Thanks for all your support.   We have really leaned on this forum for support and have been so greatful.  :-)

Posted 4/4/2013 9:42 AM (GMT 0)
I can only speak for myself. I had the Da Vinci in Feb. I never had second thoughts about the surgery...although I was scared to death to have it, which I guess is only natural. I knew I had something in my body that was trying to kill me and my only thought was to get it out. As far as having your children there... I think they can handle it. I was so happy my family was there. When I got in my room, although I knew my wife was by my side along with her parents, the only person I could see was my daughter. Since I was still groggy, I pointed to her and motioned for her to come to me. I gave her a hug. I still had my wits about me enough to know that I wanted my daughter to know I was okay, I loved her and I was glad she there. My Mother-in-Law still tears up everytime she recounts that moment. By the way I didn't look as bad as some people have described. I think my wife was a little disappointed...she wanted to see me all puffed up with a head as large and orange as a pumpkin. LOL. In any case...good luck and your husband and your family will be in my thoughts!
Posted 4/4/2013 10:50 AM (GMT 0)
Looking forward to seeing you on the other side....

I didn't know about being head down on the operating table for the Da Vinci surgery. My sis and dad were warned that I might look real puffy...which didn't happen... Just thought I'd mention it...

Other then that - he should do fine.
Posted 4/4/2013 11:11 AM (GMT 0)
I always tell men that once you make your choice, you can't look back. It will drive you nuts. You went to a trained physician, who made recommendation based on your situation, and his experience.

Surgery is a good option for a man of your husbands age. He will be sore for a few days, and the catheter will be a real pain in the you know what. But he will be fine.

most men don't want to br treated like an invalid. Just respond to what he asks for/needs. Give him a little space, let him make decisions on what his care should be. I know many men have liked the recliner, but for me, I like my bed. Just can't sleep as well in a recliner. Use some pillows, maybe a mattress pad for accidents, and don't be afraid to take a couple of pain pills at night.

Some men are terrible patients. Might have to put your thick skin on and just love him, when your might feel like smacking him. Get him walking as much as possible, drinking his fluids, and getting back into his routine quickly, Laying around is not conducive to good mental health. His body will tell him what he can and can't do.

Good luck. Get him on this sight. Will be good for him.
Posted 4/4/2013 1:10 PM (GMT 0)
DGV I am 100% agree with Goodlife I was dx with PC on 8/20/12 I got three different opinions about what treatment I will get the three different doctors recommended me RP based on my age and my Gleason level (3+4=7) I asked the last Uro I saw why he was recommended me to get RP instead the CyverKife RT he said if you get RT and the cancer comes back when you get older it will be very hard to try to do a RP because everything inside gets fry with the radiations, so I made the decision to get the surgery I got a Da Vinci RP last 10/12/12 I didn't suffer a lot of pain after the surgery but it is a pain you know where to have the catheter in there for a week, but other than that everything was ok.
After almost six months I am 99% continent still having some issues with DE.
My last two PSA after the surgery <0.1
Leo
Posted 4/4/2013 1:34 PM (GMT 0)
I know that feeling as my surgery is Monday as well. I have a friend that is a surgical assistant and she assists in prostatectomys. Her advise to me was to make sure you tell them to put the catheter on the side that you get out of bed from. If you get out on the left, it should be on the left leg. She said most wont ask, so it's up to you. Make's sense to me, it's on my list. Best of luck to your husband. Please let us know how he is doing after.

Don
Posted 4/4/2013 1:41 PM (GMT 0)
DGV,
I think we have pointed you at "the list", but if not:

Prostate Cancer: The Really Useful List made by HW people for HW people.
https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=35&m=1717641

I wasn't very big on having people around to see me with a tube hanging out, but that is something that you have to get over very quickly. I didn't look too beaten up unless you looked under the robe.

Biggest suggestions I have are:

- bucket to keep the night bag in, lest it leak, and to keep the valve upright.

- make a walk through the areas he will transit with a belt in both hands and dragging the floor. Anything the belt touches? think about how a cath tube will feel if it hangs on that as he is wobbling through. Did I get an OUCH!! ?

- check anything he might need to pick up. I was on a 5-pound limit for a couple of months. I cringe when I see these guys talking about 10.
Posted 4/4/2013 1:46 PM (GMT 0)
Second thoughts or reservations just prior to a scheduled surgery is a very common reaction. I have had 9 ops in the past 4 1/2 years, and each time, while in the prep room, I started trying to talk myself into changing my mind. Of course, logic prevailed and I went through all of them. It wasn't out of any fear, it was because I wanted to make sure they were really needed.

On the kids part, my "kids" were 24,26, and 31 at the time - so of course no problem. However, my grand kids were 5 and 7 at the time, and we all agreed not to let them visit me in the hospital, as it might scare them or think that their "Grandpa" was going to die or something.

Your husband will do fine. I wish the best for you and for him, as it really is a team effort, and should be treated as such. He will be knocked out into utter blackness, but you will be the one sweating out things in the waiting and recovery rooms, which is the much harder part.

Good luck,

david in sc
Posted 4/4/2013 2:28 PM (GMT 0)
I think your kids will do fine visiting their dad in his hospital room. It might be a good idea for you to run interference just a bit -- to go up first to make sure he is covered and comfortable and then send for the kids to come up.
Posted 4/4/2013 2:39 PM (GMT 0)
It's been 3.5 years for me so I forget what the list above said. I'm sure it has reasonable advice.

However, this is my chance to tell you what I wish someone had told me:

Empty that prostate as much as possible while it is still around! Do it early and often. Consider it necessary therapy to speed recovery. Behave like newlywed 20 year-olds. I promise, you will not regret it.

Good luck - to both of you.
Jeff
Posted 4/4/2013 3:26 PM (GMT 0)
142 said:

"... make a walk through the areas he will transit with a belt in both hands and dragging the floor. Anything the belt touches? think about how a cath tube will feel if it hangs on that as he is wobbling through. Did I get an OUCH!! ?"

Very good advice! 142's words brought back a very vivid and painful memory of mine while in my hospital bed recovering from a TURP operation (sort of like a prostatectomy). There I was, lying on the bed, with a catheter coming out of me. But as I was leaning up on my elbow to reach over for the TV remote (room had a TV) I was totally oblivious to the fact that my elbow was actually resting on my catheter tube at the time. So when I lunged over for the remote, this had the effect of yanking on the tube, which was, of course, in me.

The shock and pain was absolutely horrible, sort of like accidentally sticking your finger into an electrical outlet. (But we're not talking about a "finger" here!).

The point: make sure your husband understands that he needs to keep track of where his catheter tube is a-t a-l-l t-i-m-e-s, both when he is still in the hospital and when at home.

For sure he wants to avoid my experience!
Posted 4/4/2013 5:11 PM (GMT 0)
When I decided on surgery, I didn't look back. No time for second guessing now. I got all the info I needed to make the best decision for me. I wanted the cancer out!

I used the large catheter bag only. I put it in a canvas bag supplied by my surgeon when I did my walks. Also a bucket to put the cath in when he is not walking. Antibotic soap to wash his and your hands when draining the cath. He doesn't want to get a Urinary Tract Infection. I did get one 2 months later, it hurts. Buy a couple of cases of water for him to drink.
We set up a Caring Bridge account to post updates and pictures for loved ones. My co- workers and family loved it. You don't want to have to call Everyone on your list about his progress. Just Google Caring Bridge, it is free.

And listen to what Jeff said about emptying his prostate often. I didn't. It will be a LONG TIME before "things" are back to normal. He WILL thank us in a few months.

He will be fine and back home in no time

Hugs to you both and the kids,

Bill from Florida
Posted 4/4/2013 5:19 PM (GMT 0)
i never had second thoughts as I knew surgery made perfect sense for me.

Depression... yeah, no doubt. All I can say is to embrace it and grow with it. It goes away and/or diminishes. But no doubt cancer changes us.

Second guessing is tough, makes an already hard reality harder. I'm glad that all my loved ones wer eby my said telling me not to look back and to focus on the plan I had set at to get through it. It wa slike a shared mission I was leading.
Posted 4/4/2013 5:58 PM (GMT 0)
Dame Goodview,

you said...
I don't know what I can do to make this easier for him.

Trust me, you are doing it. Without you there so he has a loving someone for whom he can be brave he would be a mess. The depression and the second-guessing will let up the last 24 hours before his surgery. He will realize that the time for second-guessing is past and he will be too scared to be depressed. That's actually better; when you are merely scared you have the option to stiffen your upper lip and muddle through. When you are depressed nothing helps very much.

After the surgery he will merely be hurting. That is also better. Again, he will merely need to be brave. That part is easy. Getting the post-op pathology report is nerve-wracking but it goes by quick and, hopefully, will be good news.

The next rough patch after that will come somewhere between six weeks and three months after surgery. That is the point where nothing hurts very much but nothing works very well. That is the traditional "Limp and Leaky, Depressed and Angry" phase where the healing progress becomes sooooo sssllloooooowwww that a man can no longer perceive its progress. At that point the key to keeping him sane will be kegel exercises (regularly but not too many), biofeedback training if he leaks a lot, and penile rehab. These are things that a man can do to work on his problems and feel less of the passive victim of his condition.
Posted 4/4/2013 6:09 PM (GMT 0)
Think doubt and second guessing is natural for all of touched with PCa. Depression (and the anger that comes with it) too.

Best wishes to him and to you and your family.

My prayers are with you.
Posted 4/4/2013 8:37 PM (GMT 0)

DGV,

I had my daVinci done at the same location your husband will be having his open RP done at a few weeks ago. I believe he will also have the same surgeon as I did. If it is Dr. S.... he is a great surgeon. Shoot me an email and I can share my experiences (good and bad) with you about the facility, staff, and surgeon.

All those who have posted above are most correct in saying your husband will be just fine. Dr. S will definitely do the absolute best to ensure your husband has the best possible outcome. He spent a long time working on sparing all the nerves he thought he could safely ensure were cancer free. I believe this will pay off for me as things are starting to 'stir' down below. I am also about 99% continent from day 1 of catheter removal - just a couple of drops here and there.

I can't say what will happen with your husband but rest assured he is in great hands with Dr. S.

I would definitely have the kids go visit when he is looking/feeling a bit better (not immediately after surgery). Seeing him with a smile will go along way in relieving their anxiety about the situation. Remember you can only have 2 visitors at a time (at least in my room).

If you haven't been using the free valet parking make sure you do.

I naturally second guess my decisions but knew the surgery decision was the best for me.  If your husband gets real uptight about the whole thing he can pull out until about 30 minutes before surgery.  In fact the surgeon even asked me point blank if I wanted to do it - before having me sign a permission form.  As was mentioned, don't look back. Doing so will not provide any benefit; especially as seeing there is no way to know what will happen in the long run with any decision on treatment.

I wish you the best in your upcoming adventure.  Please feel free to contact me if you so choose.

Posted 4/5/2013 12:29 AM (GMT 0)

DGV/damgoodview said...
[img]/community/emoticons/idea.gif[/img] The past few weeks have finally came to past. My husbands surgery is only four days away. At first he was pretty confident in his decision. However, as he has had to wait for surgery he started second guessing his choice, too. I guess this is pretty normal. I do sense some depression as well. I don't know what I can do to make this easier for him.
I think I've got everything ready for next week, Kids are taken care of, pets are taken care of. I've got loose clothes for him a recliner ready for him to sleep in when he gets home. What am I forgetting?

My kids are 20 15 and 12. We are a close family and they want to be there to support their father. My mom doesn't think this is a good idea for the kids to see their dad in such a bad way following surgery. I was torn but I know he wants them to be there and they want to be there. What has been your experience with kids?

Any questions I should ask the surgeon following surgery? I know we will have to wait to get the pathology report. [img]/community/emoticons/confused.gif[/img]

Thanks for all your support. We have really leaned on this forum for support and have been so greatful. [img]/community/emoticons/smile.gif[/img]

It is normal to do a bit of second guessing with whatever treatment is chosen, so this is nothing unusual.

Just tell your husband that the date of surgery is the day he becomes completely cancer free if all goes as planned. They usually do not recommend surgery unless a cure is very likely -- so this is even more positive stuff for him to keep in mind.

Just knowing that he will hopefully be rid of it all in one relatively short day should be yet another positive.

The open procedure he is having is a time honored method with an equal cure rate with the robot. So, as long as his surgeon is well experienced, he made the right decision.

See you both on the other side. :)
Chuck

Resident of Highland, Indiana just outside of Chicago, IL.
July 2011 local PSA lab reading 6.41 (from 4.1 in 2009). Mayo Clinic PSA Sept. 2011 was 5.7.
Local urologist DRE revealed significant BPH, but no lumps.
PCa Dx Aug. 2011 at age of 61.
Biopsy revealed adenocarcinoma in 3 of 20 cores (one 5%, two 20%). T2C.
Gleason score 3+3=6.
CT of abdomen, bone scan both negative.
DaVinci prostatectomy 11/1/11 at Mayo Clinic (Rochester, MN), nerve sparing, age 62.
My surgeon was Dr. Matthew Tollefson, who I highly recommend.
Final pathology shows tumor confined to prostate.
5 lymph nodes, seminal vesicles, extraprostatic soft tissue all negative.
1.0 x 0.6 x 0.6 cm mass involving right posterior inferior,
right posterior apex & left mid posterior prostate.
Right posterior apex margin involved by tumor over a 0.2 cm length, doctor says this is insignificant.
Prostate 98.3 grams, tumor 2 grams. Prostate size 5.0 x 4.7 x 4.5 cm.
Catheter out in 7 days. No incontinence, occasional minor dripping.
Post-op exams 2/13/12, 9/10/12, PSA <0.1.
Semi-firm erections now happening 14 months post-op & slowly getting a bit stronger.
Posted 4/5/2013 4:59 AM (GMT 0)
MrAnxious....who was your surgeon (Dr. S)?
Posted 4/5/2013 1:23 PM (GMT 0)
My surgeon was Dr. Stephenson. In a different thread DVG had mentioned Dr. S.  I don't know of another surgeon at the facility with a last name starting with S.
Posted 4/6/2013 2:32 AM (GMT 0)
Our surgeon is Dr. Stevenson. I feel we r in good hands. Thanks for all of your kind words and support:)
Posted 4/7/2013 2:21 PM (GMT 0)
Alison and Clint - just wanted to let you guys know I'm thinking of you. There's no denying the angst leading up to a treatment like this - just try to keep in mind that you did your research, made your decision, and have a well-qualified Dr doing the surgery, so it's all good!

Thoughts and prayers headed your way, see you on the other side - we'll all be waiting for the update!

Best,
Jeff
Posted 4/7/2013 3:50 PM (GMT 0)
Take control of your hospital situation from the start. If there's ANYTHING that bothers you, tell the nurses. If the constant interruptions are keeping you from getting the sleep you need, tell them you want to minimize those. I told my day nurse I thought was having a bad reaction to the blood thinner shots (Heparin), and to my amazement, she asked if I wanted them stopped. When I asked if that would be possible, she said, "You don't have to do anything here you don't want to." I never knew that. If the food is awful, ask what other options (premium plans you pay extra for, etc.) are available. Most of all, get out as soon as you can. Start getting up and walking around as soon as you feel able to so you can leave as early as possible. Hospitals are not healthy places to be. You can't sleep, the food is terrible with no nutritional value, and you're constantly being touched by nurses who have just been exposed to 50 other sick people on your ward.

Good luck, we'll see you on the other side in no time!
Henry
Posted 4/7/2013 4:03 PM (GMT 0)
DGV - wishing you and your husband all the best for the surgery - the path report - a steady and boring recovery - remember - patience - fluids - walking - patience - asking questions - writing stuff down ( so eady to forget) - did I mention patience? - his body will be going through a lot of trauma and it will take time for the body bits to start talking to each other again - the "new normal" ain't bad - it's just new...
hugs,
Bronson
Posted 4/7/2013 5:24 PM (GMT 0)
DGV, it looks like you're prepared as much as possible.  Wish I could have told you earlier to read a thread called, "August Surgeries" which provides a wonderful discussion between 7 wives and two gents all dealing with PCa surgery.  One thing my husband found helpful was to carry his bag in an oval bucket.  Also, it was easier for him to sleep on the couch with the bag laying in the bucket.  He preferred the night time bag to be used both day and night.

Also, I purchased a small toss pillow which my husband used when he coughed (across his stomach).  Your children are not too young.  As with David, we had young Grandchildren who stayed away for several weeks.

If one of the older children is a boy, he may be able to help Dad with that first shower, as your husband may be a little shaky.  There is also a permanent list (as recommended) at the beginning of the topics which you may have already checked.   Yes, depression can occur but the reminder that there's an excellent chance he will see the children graduating from high school and maybe dancing at their weddings may cheer his spirit.  It's important that he get his walking done, drink liquids, and be prepared for constipation.

Wishing you both the very best as you go on this journey together.   Yes, your chidlren should be a part of the journey.  Positive thoughts coming your way.

Best wishes,

Aimzee

Posted 4/7/2013 5:33 PM (GMT 0)
Good luck, Don!  That list is quite helpful.  We did have several months to prepare, but there is lots of good advice for after the surgery.

Yes, I agree with Jeff -  make love!  It helped bring us much closer.  We actually went away for the weekend.

Much blessings,

Aimzee 

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