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Posted 4/23/2013 2:43 PM (GMT 0)
Spanz, with all due respect, I object to the "heavy-handed" advice given (re: telling your wife "put out or I'll go somewhere else.") That solves nothing.

This is a serious situation for many couples...with and without prostate cancer in the mix. English Roger and his wife are dealing with their situation in their own way and in their own time, and it sounds like they're doing fine.
Posted 4/23/2013 3:11 PM (GMT 0)
Spans, Stephie,

You guys did notice that this is an older thread from last August?

English Roger,

Did you make it to Thailand? How was the trip?
Posted 4/23/2013 3:39 PM (GMT 0)
9 months old is not that old.

Steph, this is a very debilitating injury for a guy to take, both physically and mentally.  After 2.5 years of struggling....now his wife is not interested?  Excuse me, but she has had it pretty easy compared to him.  She should be doing everything humanly possible to bolster his ego, not telling him she has no interest in him.  If that is how cold hearted she is going to be, then respond in-kind.

Posted 4/23/2013 3:57 PM (GMT 0)

spanz said...
9 months old is not that old.
Steph, this is a very debilitating injury for a guy to take, both physically and mentally. After 2.5 years of struggling....now his wife is not interested? Excuse me, but she has had it pretty easy compared to him. She should be doing everything humanly possible to bolster his ego, not telling him she has no interest in him. If that is how cold hearted she is going to be, then respond in-kind.

Without all the facts, I think it's unfair for any of us to pass judgement.
Posted 4/23/2013 4:01 PM (GMT 0)
spanz,

this may be an older thread, but what terrible advice you just gave, and how utter demeaning that is to every woman alive.

so if the wife doesn't put out, that gives license to cheat or go elsewhere? hope you value your wife more than a sex toy for your enjoyment. what if your wife was disabled in some major way and unable to have sex? sorry, think you were way way out of line, i agree with sephie. show some respect for women for starters.

david in sc
Posted 4/23/2013 4:50 PM (GMT 0)
Spanz, don't get me started on how "easy the wife has had it". Gee, my husband is 5 years post-op and "can't get it up"...shall I leave him for a 30 year old stud muffin (or at least someone who doesn't squirt urine when they hug me)? What nonsense and self-centeredness.

Trust me, Spanz...whatever my husband has gone through (and may go through in the future), you can bet your sweet bippy that I will be standing next to him, shoulder to shoulder, doing all I can to comfort and support him. If sex is a part of that, great; if not, we have both come to terms with that possibility.
Posted 4/23/2013 5:12 PM (GMT 0)
Sephie - nice words.
Should we ever meet I think a hug will be called for.
Alf
Posted 4/23/2013 6:40 PM (GMT 0)
Alf, sending you an e-hug til we meet.
Posted 4/23/2013 8:25 PM (GMT 0)
Sephie:

Now I'm jealous

Mel

Posted 4/23/2013 10:10 PM (GMT 0)
alright, I'll bite. Lets say a wife had a mastectomy, and her husband refused to have sex with her anymore because of it, even though she still wanted it.She got depressed, did not feel beautiful anymore, but he would not explain and did not want to talk about the subject.  He just said "its not like it used to be".  What would you say to this woman?

Post Edited (spanz) : 4/23/2013 4:13:13 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/23/2013 10:17 PM (GMT 0)
Someone please turn off spanz's computer.
Posted 4/25/2013 4:12 PM (GMT 0)
Interesting discussion. The subject is something that a lot of couples must deal with, sad to say, and discussing it here is useful, given the known effects and side effects of our chosen treatments. Just because we don't like the subject or don't want to address it doesn't make it any less valid or interesting. Spanz has some valid points (whether you may agree with them or not, that is the thinking of a lot of men, and women on the subject), and is entitled to his thoughts and comments on the subject. Remember how the release of Viagra started so many fights and even divorces when men was able to expect or even demand sex again? We may not like what we read here, but we still must respect others choice to disagree with us ( smilewinkgrin )
Posted 4/25/2013 4:47 PM (GMT 0)

James C. said...
Interesting discussion. The subject is something that a lot of couples must deal with, sad to say, and discussing it here is useful, given the known effects and side effects of our chosen treatments. Just because we don't like the subject or don't want to address it doesn't make it any less valid or interesting. Spanz has some valid points (whether you may agree with them or not, that is the thinking of a lot of men, and women on the subject), and is entitled to his thoughts and comments on the subject. Remember how the release of Viagra started so many fights and even divorces when men was able to expect or even demand sex again? We may not like what we read here, but we still must respect others choice to disagree with us ( smilewinkgrin )

I totally agree and much like PC itself, everyone reacts differently emotionally and physically. I know our relationship has changed since my DX and treatments and not always for the better.
Posted 4/25/2013 7:51 PM (GMT 0)
James, I agree that this is a problem many couples face...whether or not there's a history of prostate or breast cancer. I respect Spanz's feelings on the matter, but still maintain that his responses failed to take into account what a wife goes through when a husband is diagnosed...the use of the words "...she's had it pretty easy compared to him" left me acrimonious. I felt - and I'm sure Spanz did not intend this - like I had been slapped in the face.

Wives do NOT have it easy in this fight, and to imply that we do or did is an insult. Yes, I don't have 5 scars on my abdomen indicating my prostate was removed, and I don't have to play "where the hell are you?" with my penis, but I can assure every man here that we wives carry plenty of scars...ours on the inside, in our hearts which are never the same after hearing the awful news that our husband and best friend has prostate cancer.
Posted 4/25/2013 11:04 PM (GMT 0)
Sephie:
So you're comparing mental anguish with bodily trauma and suggesting that the two are equal? Sorry, but I don't agree. Ask any man on this forum if he wouldn't gladly exchange his physical scars for "plenty of scars on the inside." And don't forget the mental anguish a man goes through after losing a part of his body to surgery and the ensuing side-effects. So yes, those who carry the scars "in their hearts" do indeed have it easy.
Posted 4/26/2013 12:22 AM (GMT 0)
onthefence, my post was not meant to equate my suffering with my husband's; it was simply to point out that the man isn't the only one suffering. It's not about whose suffering is greater; it's about understanding that this disease impacts both parties and respecting the feelings of the person who gets to stand on the side-lines and watch it all happen. When cancer touches a family, no one escapes without scars; no one ever fully recovers.
Posted 4/26/2013 12:48 AM (GMT 0)
read spanz first e-mail folks he said if she won't give it up then find another woman......great! PCa and divorce.
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