Posted 4/29/2013 5:08 PM (GMT 0)
As we all move along on this ominous PCa journey, sometimes we have the good fortune to experience a random act of kindness along the way from someone we encounter that moves us, that affects us deeply, that causes us to remember that there really are truly good people out there who truly do care, and show that caring through some heartfelt, meaningful random act of kindness toward us.
It's something that goes a bit beyond the norm, a bit beyond a doctor's regular job, or the normal duties of those we meet. It's often unexpected, or spontaneous, and seems all the more touching because of this.
Here's my random act of kindness, received from my 92-year old mother who lives in a condo here in my town. She's been there for the past 8 years since my dad died, and has done well there, more or less, except for the fact that her eyesight has gotten poor, and she needs me "to be her eyes" for most things now: driving her to doctors' appointments, etc.
Actually, the situation with my mom is similar to what David ("Purgatory") here on our list once said in a thread about his own mom, that it would probably be best if she came to reside in an assisted living facility now, but she refused to do so because "she didn't want to be with all those old people." That's kind of the situation I'll inevitably be facing eventually with my own mom, but, as they say, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
But she really is a wonderful mother. Here is her random act of kindness toward me that I remember so well. In December 2011 I got my dx for PCa, and was, as you might imagine, rather rattled about it. I didn't tell anyone about it for several days because I had to get my own head around it first. Eventually, I did tell my two sons, but then I started debating whether or not to tell my mother, thinking that maybe it was best not to, partially because of her age, and because there was nothing she could do about it anyway. But I finally decided that I would tell her because I figured she would find out about it eventually.
So, I went over to her place the next day, we sat down in her living room, and I slowly and solemnly told her the facts about my PCa situation and uncomfortably waited for her reaction. What happened was she seemed calm, and thoughtful, but obviously concerned, but then slowly and deliberately asked me some very good questions about prognosis, treatment, etc. Then she did something so touching and mother-like for her, and a wonderful RAOK (Random Act of Kindness) .
When I was a child, whenever I experienced something bad, her maternal reaction back then was to "fix me up a nice hot bowl of soup." That was her maternal solution to so many of life's problems: a nice hot bowl of soup. So, as we were there talking in her living room, she suddenly got up, and, quite matter-of- factly, went into the kitchen, got a can out of the cupboard, prepared me a nice hot bowl of soup, and insisted that I eat some of it before I left.
There I was, a 65-year old man at the time with his 90-year old mother, and suddenly we were just a mom and her little kid again. Of course the soup did nothing for me in medical terms, but emotionally it was most healing. To her, I was still her "little kid," and she was doing what she could to help me out, in her own way. A wonderful RAOK. Whenever I visit her now, the automatic exchange is "You're still beating that cancer thing, aren't you?" "Yes, mom" I say, "thanks to your soup." And she smiles.
I often still think of this RAOK on the part of my mom that day, and, simple as it was, that it was truly a heartwarming gesture on her part at a time when I really needed it.
So, what about the rest of you? Can any of you remember and would like to share a RAOK along the way that you received, possibly from a totally unexpected source, maybe when you least expected it, but you still remember it, and would like to share?