My mother has cancer

I'm typing this form somewhere over Oklahoma I think. First time ever using wifi on the plane itself. LEft from Dallas a short while ago after a 2 hour delay.

Just after going through security I got a text message form my sister that just read "call me". I knew exactly what it was.

My mother has secondary cancer to the bones. They have not located her primary cancer yet but have found a spot in her lungs that they are following up on. She is in a hospital in Arezzo Italy receiving free tests and free treatment from a private room overlooking the Tuscan hills.

Being given that news in that setting was a bit surreal. I was with my colleagues following our business trip in a very crowded airport. I wanted to cry, and did tear up for a few hours but kept wanting to be home where I could have some privacy. My first reaction in all honesty was not one of complete devastation as I had with my diagnosis but sorrow and guilt soon crept in. I feel terrible for having left my mother and her country/continent so many years ago and for having taken her for granted. My sister is struggling even more with these feelings. I'm not quite sure how to deal with this guilt and with the upcoming challenges of taking care of her so far away with my very busy schedule/projects and wife/kids. Of course we will be commuting to Italy quite often now (monthly?), but it will be a challenge as I am setting up teams in London, Rome and a new team in Mumbai. I'm not complaining, I'm just trying to figure out how to manage everything. It's a little overwhelming.

My mother is very religious and when I called her said she was serene, that she'll beat it. It's her faith talking, I know her. She said she was more worried about my sister and me and this must be why she had been so vague while skyping me form the hospital for testing we assumed was related to a herniated disc. Of course I had doubts but was too involved in myself to dig deep or even consider flying there. She sounded serene until I told her that no matter what, she would not go through this alone, that my sister and I would be with her on her journey. That's when she started to cry and I could feel her relief and need. It would be so much easier if I could bring my mother to my country to be treated but regardless of how many taxes I pay and how much her first husband (an American) put into the system, I cannot bring my mother to my country for treatment unless I plan on spending what I imagine could be millions. I suppose none of you know of any alternatives for people like us. So that leaves us with her getting good "free" treatment in Italy and my sister and I figuring out how to manage it.

This isn't a rant , however, my question is for those of you who also have secondary bone cancer as a result of primary PCa. I will read online and call her Italian doctor tomorrow, but is there anything you can share with me? I now it will be radiation. IS cure possible if they locate the primary cancer and cure that one? I know I'll need a lot more facts, which I hope to have in the coming weeks, but any input would be appreciated.

I know the realities of life, and that most of you guys have grand children, i'm one of the odd ones out here, but at 43 I'm not ready to deal with this emotionally.

That is sad news. It's not easy to watch a parent go through this.

I lost my father when I was 41 and my mother passed from cancer when I was 47. I always thought I had have more time with them.

You and your mother are in my thoughts and prayers.
Andrew

Very sorry to hear this. Let us know if we can help.

technology is Amazing. The captain just announced an hour to go and that we're over Cleveland and I am skyping with my mother in Arezzo where it is 1AM. I'm just doing what I've resisted doing since I was 15, just telling her everything about my day and trip to Texas.

Thanks for your thoughts.

David-
I am so sorry to hear about your moms health, and I know it wont help you with your feelings of guilt and desire to take care of your mom, but I send you and your family my prayers. I wish I had info to share with you about how to bring her here, I don't but I hope someone will be able to give you guidance.

please keep us updated and if I can help in any way, dont hesitate to get in touch

hugs and prayers,
susan

David I too, am so sorry about your mom's health. We just lost my father-in--law last September, and know the feelings of guilt well.

We had to heavily rely on his Gf who lived with him, and then Hospice, due to having jobs we couldn't miss much of, and he lived a bit of a distance away. Others did what we felt we 'should' have been doing.

It is so hard, because you do want to spend every moment with them. And Life and reality intrudes upon it all. Know, and believe in your heart that you are doing the very best you can do. And that is really all any of us can do.

Keep sharing even the mundane about your life with her. Speaking as a mom, you'll never imagine how thoroughly blessed that can make her feel!
I will be lifting you all up in prayer; that it was caught early enough, and for God's peace to blanket you all.
Warm healing hugs,
Diana

David-

Really sorry to hear this news.

You beat yours. She can beat hers. Do the same things for her that you did for you... get educated, find the best docs, stay positive.

We'll have your family in our thoughts and prayers.

-Gedman

David,
So sorry for you and your mom. My mom passed last week so I know what you are going through.
JT

DavidG, Thats hard news to get, even if you had some warning. My advice would be to get directly in touch with her lead doctor and get the s the straight scoop about her condition, ask the questions you need to ask. Like in Pca or any troublesome event, when you get the straight facts, you know what your dealing with and is "easier" to deal with. Of course you can deal with this, you must. There is not an option here, you know that David. I don't know your source of inner strength, But we all have a source within us, drink from it. As you said, your mom is more concerned about you and your sister than herself. David, David, you are your mothers son, that right there is the link to that source. One more point do not be afraid to bawl your eyes out and bear your soul. Tears are a salve to our being.

You all have said wonderful and perfect things for David, David I can't add much; just do what you can. The best thing for her now is that she knows you care. thats's the best. Thoughts and prayers.

davidg,
Sorry to hear about what your mother is going through.

JohnT,
Very sorry to hear that your mother has passed away.

Take care,
Chuck

Resident of Highland, Indiana just outside of Chicago, IL.
July 2011 local PSA lab reading 6.41 (from 4.1 in 2009). Mayo Clinic PSA Sept. 2011 was 5.7.
Local urologist DRE revealed significant BPH, but no lumps.
PCa Dx Aug. 2011 at age of 61.
Biopsy revealed adenocarcinoma in 3 of 20 cores (one 5%, two 20%). T2C.
Gleason score 3+3=6.
CT of abdomen, bone scan both negative.
DaVinci prostatectomy 11/1/11 at Mayo Clinic (Rochester, MN), nerve sparing, age 62.
My surgeon was Dr. Matthew Tollefson, who I highly recommend.
Final pathology shows tumor confined to prostate.
5 lymph nodes, seminal vesicles, extraprostatic soft tissue all negative.
1.0 x 0.6 x 0.6 cm mass involving right posterior inferior,
right posterior apex & left mid posterior prostate.
Right posterior apex margin involved by tumor over a 0.2 cm length, doctor says this is insignificant.
Prostate 98.3 grams, tumor 2 grams. Prostate size 5.0 x 4.7 x 4.5 cm.
Abdominal drain removed the morning after surgery.
Catheter out in 7 days. No incontinence, occasional minor dripping.
Post-op exams 2/13/12, 9/10/12, PSA <0.1. PSA tests now annual.
Semi-firm erections now happening 14 months post-op & VERY slowly getting a bit stronger.

David,
Sending nothing but positive thoughts and prayers to your Mamma, you, your sister, and family.

John T.... Sending the same to you and your family.

David,

Your family is in my thoughts. Don't let distance get you down. You can still show your mom the compassion that she needs until you can make the arrangements for her to come here. I think you already have, you've now added a bunch of us to pray for her.
All the best.